THIS IS.................

oh my god

2009-02-10T20:13:00.000Z

Talking Happy Talk

2009-01-25T18:44:00.006Z

A long time ago, we outlined the top 10 sad songs of all time here on Ruffhousing. However, while we all enjoy opening our wrists up every now and then, life can also give us much to smile about. Imagine, for example, the faces of George Lamb's parents upon wandering into their back garden one blustery Spring morning to find their son's freshly slaughtered carcass being clumsily raped by a one-eyed fox. Now feel that big toothy grin pulling your cheeks apart! Listen to the laughter tumbling out! Unfortunately, however, moments like this are few, far between and – in this case – fictional. So, in an attempt to peel back misery's vast inky cloak and slap some joy onto his moany torso, we present to you the Ruffhousing top 10 happy songs of all time, in no particular order.

1. Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band – Frownland

“My smile is stuck”, growls Beefheart, “I cannot go back to your Frownland”. And do you know what? I don't think he ever did.

2. Sister Rosetta Tharpe – Up Above My Head

Things would have to be pretty bad for this song not to make you feel like nothing could ever be that bad. Look at Sister Rosetta Tharpe: the fact that someone so brilliant once existed on this planet is surely the only sensible reason for believing there is or ever has been a God. You'd have thought the director of this video would have told the choir to cheer up a bit though, wouldn't you?

3. Funkadelic – I Got A Thing, You Got A Thing, Everybody's Got A Thing

If you possess a human soul, one listen to this song should send you pirouetting madly down a wild, gushing river of happy, while George and Bootsy fire technicolour joy bullets at you from their neon dinghy.

4. Shonen Knife – Cycling Is Fun

Shonen Knife are a bouncy little Japanese band. You might think that sounds patronising, and you'd be right. It does. However, you'd be hard pressed to describe 'Cycling Is Fun' as anything other than bouncy and little. It's childish and child-like and littered with bike bells. The original track is not available on YouTube, so we'll have to make do with this slightly odd video and slowed-down version of the song itself.

5. Marcia Griffiths – Feel Like Jumping

There is no better goodtimes song than this one.

6. Jonathan Richman – I Was Dancing In The Lesbian Bar

Richman featured in our Top 10 Sad Songs, but he's much more at home here among the sunshine and the chuckling. 'I Was Dancing In The Lesbian Bar' gets our vote here, but there are many others in his canon that could have made the cut: 'Springtime', 'The New Teller' and 'Lydia', being the most obvious.

7. Josephine Baker – Blue Skies

“Blue skies, smiling at me/Nothing but blue skies, do I see”. This song is what being in a cartoon must be like. A kids' cartoon from the 1950s; not American Dad or something.

8. Professor Longhair – Tipitina

If you've ever wondered where Tom Waits got his drunken, fragmented piano technique from (and let's face, you probably haven't), then wonder no longer. 'Tipitina' is so wonderful and carefree and the Professor sings like no-one's ever told him about diction or tune or how most people tend to use actual words in their lyrics. You really can't fuck with New Orleans.

9. Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band – We Were Wrong

If you can manage to remain stony-faced while listening to this, then you clearly consider yourself too cool to smile. What sort of person thinks they're "too cool" to smile? You, that's who.

10. Devo – Peek-A-Boo

Again, many, many Devo tracks could have featured here. However, for sheer blissful jump-up-and-down-and-make-a-fool-of-yourselfness, 'Peek-A-Boo' muscled the others right out.

Can you judge a reggae album by its cover?

2008-12-20T18:59:00.022Z

I recently bought two reggae albums purely on the strength of their front cover artwork. But is the old saying true? Is it really foolhardy to judge a book (or CD) by its cover? Let's find out!

1. Ranking Ann - Something Fishy Going On (£2 from Record & Tape Exchange, Soho)

So what's all this about, then? Well, let's break down the scene. Ranking Ann - a keen angler - is out on a fishing trip. Having baited her hook and cast her line, she waits patiently for a bite from an easily-duped mackerel or gullible cod. However, when she finally feels a tug at the end of her rod, she soon realises it's not a fish that's doing the tugging. Oh no. It's a bloody submarine! She's pulled up a bloody nuclear sub! As the vessel's bow penetrates the ocean's murky lid, all hell breaks loose. Torpedoes topple from the heavens like giant cylindrical raindrops; dark grey mushroom clouds explode on the horizon; great white sharks emerge from the depths in a surprisingly well-choreographed chorus line. It's at this precise moment that Ann decides "something fishy" is definitely "going on".

Understandably angered and confused by the day's events, she returns immediately to her studio in order to create an unflinchingly political reggae record. "Me hear a whisper inna Westminster", she claims on the title track, "Lord dem ah chat bout nuclear war".

However, despite this initial dalliance with Cold War rhetoric, in addition to the clear political agenda hinted at by the cover, there's actually very little revolutionary content on 'Something Fishy Going On'. In fact, Ann spends most of the album either rhythmically spelling her own name (on 'Call Me Ranking Ann') or bewailng the over-zealous sexual advances of today's disco-dwelling males (on 'Stop Romance Inna Dance').

So, there you have it. If 'Something Fishy Going On' is anything to go by, you CANNOT judge a reggae album by its cover. Here's 'Stop Romance Inna Dance' for your listening pleasure:

NB. It's also worth mentioning, as you can see from this link, that the flute parts on 'Something Fishy Going On' were performed by one Kate (Katie?) Holmes. Could this be the same Katie (Kate?) Holmes who won our hearts as Joey Potter, the attractive tomboy-next-door in 'Dawson's Creek', before wedding a diminutive cocktail-shaking Scientologist? Maybe. But - let's face it - probably not.

2. Professor Frisky - Rougher (£0.99 from Christmas Bargain Warehouse Sale, Leicester Square)

While there may be more action on the front of Ranking Ann's cover, Frisky's artwork is certainly no less amusing. Indeed, the name 'Professor Frisky' is in itself inherently comedic. The idea of a man who is so frisky that he's actually gained a qualification permitting him to deliver lectures on friskiness, is quite clearly a very funny one.

Anyway, listening to 'Rougher', we find once again that both the title and cover of this album are wholly misleading. While Frisky certainly looks the part of the ladykilling 'badman' in the picture above, many of the songs on this record are, in fact, of a deeply spiritual (and therefore not particularly 'rough') nature. 'God Alone' finds the Professor hammering home the importance of the Almighty in all our lives, reminding us - in case we've forgotten - that the Big Man Upstairs created "all the animals like you and me: cows, goats, horse and donkey". While his knowledge of the animal kingdom clearly doesn't extend much beyond the British farmyard, you have to admit that Frisky has a point here. Conversely, on 'Jah Is Not Sleeping', the Prof paints the Lord in a much more human light, depicting him less as an omnipotent deity and more as a weary insomniac.

So, there you go. Two reggae albums, two misleading covers. There's nothing on youtube from 'Rougher' itself, but here's the Professor in action on a song called 'Man Fi Strong':

NB. It's important to note that the creature in the video below is an altogether different Professor Frisky from the one discussed above:

You look like you've escaped from Strangeways...

2008-12-06T21:33:00.003Z

Mark E Smith reads the football results on Match Of The Day and then accuses Ray Stubbs of sporting a criminal's hairdo.

Here's theme from Sparta FC in full, because it's so brilliant.

Guru Interview

2008-11-23T16:13:00.003Z

In yet another Behind The Scenes exclusive, we catch up with infamous self-help guru (and female magnet), Anthony Robbins, to discover the secret to success.

Three Deeply Odd Men

2008-10-06T18:08:00.005Z

1. Eek-A-Mouse

I wonder what Eek-A-Mouse thinks when he watches the video above. I wonder what his family think. Let's be honest, these are not the actions of a sane man.

2. GG Allin

His birthname was 'Jesus'. He acquired a cult following. He died quite young. He was often covered in blood. He had a beard. Apart from the fact that he made punk music and frequently defecated on stage, GG Allin was almost identical to God's preachy little lovechild.

3. Sun Ra

David Bowie was always banging on about how much of a massive 'alien' he was, but the reason no-one took him seriously is because he didn't quite get the look right. As Sun Ra shows here, all you need is some 'moon shoes', a couple of Hieroglyphic mates and a jheri curl made of cheap gold bracelets, and suddenly everyone's fished right in.

Some other brilliant madmen - Ol Dirty Bastard, George Clinton, Lee Perry, Captain Beefheart, Viv Stanshall, Hasil Adkins.

Weaponized to Boggle

2008-09-29T20:30:00.003Z

Ruffhousing favourite went over to Switzerland to peep the LHC...this is what he thought http://www.cernpodcast.com/?p=43

Enjoy

Young Jeezy

2008-09-25T09:47:00.005Z

Ruffhousing and Behind The Scenes proudly present this exclusive interview with rapper Young Jeezy, in which the Atlanta MC addresses recent issues regarding his sexuality

Ruffhousing Podcasts

2008-09-11T21:31:00.004Z

Below is the Ruffhousing podcast player.

Click here to get your own player.

However, if you want to download any of these, you can do so at iTunes (by searching 'ruffhousing' in the Music Store).

If you would like to subscribe to the podcasts immediately, follow these five easy steps:

1. Open iTunes
2. Go to 'Advanced'
3. Scroll down to 'Subscribe to Podcast...'
4. Copy and paste this into the box - http://ruffhousing.podOmatic.com/rss2.xml
5. Gently beat yourself off to celebrate

Richard Bacon Did Coke

2008-09-07T18:29:00.001Z

I've gotta stop posting Chris Morris/Armando Iannucci clips, but this is just too good.

Fuck Tom Daley

2008-09-03T16:26:00.002Z

If one thing was annoying about the olympics (apart from everyone going on about 'Team GB') it was that little shit Tom Daley. Yeah, we did really well, John Major was a clever boy and the British dominate at sitting down. But I wanna see that little cunt do what Dana Kunze can do. In fact all the diving events can take a leaf out of Dana's book. Just check the joker out; he actually bothered 'training' for this dive. Looks like he spends the rest of his time geeting 'tanked with his bro's'...what a role model. He's great...

In other news, Ruffhousing scribe Thomas Trouble has been experiencing unrivalled backlash since he started fronting a band more annoyingly optimistic than CBBC's Balamory - Noah and the Whale.

The Ting Tings are cunts. And Brian Eno wrote the start up music for Windows '95.

Out

I'm Off Any Minute

2008-08-22T11:26:00.006Z

This is the first part of the BBC Radio series 'Why Bother?' featuring conversations between Chris Morris and Peter Cook (as Arthur Streeb-Greebling). All five episodes are on youtube and all five episodes are absolutely brilliant. There's an extremely lengthy, but generally quite interesting, interview with Chris Morris about the experience of working with Peter Cook here. The highlight of this first one, for me, is Cook discussing Betty Grable's legs and then going on to refer to Eric Clapton as a "pathetic individual".

You Might Get A Free Haircut

2008-08-21T10:24:00.003Z

Why - WHY - would anyone want to bring Brutus 'The Barber' Beefcake (who's now, I would assume, in his early fifties) to their town, state or high school? He almost certainly lives alone in a damp flat, dividing his time between microwaving ready meals and standing naked in front of the mirror, shears to his throat, weeping quietly.

We're having a party.

2008-08-18T15:32:00.000Z

EVIL INCARNATE

2008-08-10T12:46:00.002Z

"The other shape, if shape it might be called, that shape had none, Distinguishable in member, joint, or limb; Or substance might be called that shadow seemed; For each seemed either; black it stood as night, Fierce as ten furies, terrible as Hell, And shook a dreadful dart; what seemed his head The likeness of a kingly crown had on. Satan was now at hand; and from his seat The monster, moving onward, came as fast With horrid strides; Hell trembled as he strode"

(Paradise Lost, Book II)

Replace the "he's" with "she's" and Milton pretty much hit the nail on the head here.

Think soccer ain't a sport?

2008-08-08T15:22:00.002Z

Continuing with our fine tradition of championing rapping footballers (or, for that matter, footballing rappers), here's Clint Dempsey (aka 'Deuce') with 'Don't Tread'.

Ruffhousing Podcasts

2008-07-18T12:18:00.001Z

Below is the Ruffhousing podcast player. However, if you want to download any of these, you can do so at iTunes (by searching 'ruffhousing' in the Music Store).

If you would like to subscribe to the podcasts immediately, follow these five easy steps:

1. Open iTunes
2. Go to 'Advanced'
3. Scroll down to 'Subscribe to Podcast...'
4. Copy and paste this into the box - http://ruffhousing.podOmatic.com/rss2.xml
5. Gently beat yourself off to celebrate

Click here to get your own player.

Zappa Plays Bikes

2008-07-15T09:22:00.003Z

Frank Zappa, aged 22, on the Steve Allen show being interviewed about his musical bicycle shenanigans. He looks so neat and presentable - who'd have thought he'd grow his hair long and start, y'know, fucking the system up with his satirical guitar shreddery. There are other parts to this vid, you can find em on youtube. Frank Zappa's such a rudeboy.

Front Men

2008-07-11T12:10:00.008Z

Front men! Front men you say!

First up, here's James Chance in action with The Contortions. Look at this fucking badman go. He is everything that a lead singer should be.

Next is a kick to the groin of all the floppy haired fags in indie bands up and down the country. Ruining the summer with their pathetic attempts to be "rock'n'roll" at festivals just so T4 get some cheap airtime!

HERE COMES IGGY!

HEY BO DIDDLEY!

You can judge a book by its cover!

The Easybeats are pacific garage!

The Easybeats are simply amazing. If you have never heard of them before SHAME ON YOU!

The original GOO GOO MUCKS!

They make me want to invent a time machine just so I can go back to CBGBs in the 1970s and spit on them!

"Its Star time ladies and gentlemen. Are you ready for startime? Thank you and thank you very kindly. It is indeed a great pleasure to present to you at this particular time, national and international known as the hardest working man in show bizness. Mister D-Y-N-A-MITE. The amazing mister 'PLEASE,PLEASE' himself. The star of the show! JAMES BROWN!

Selections: Saturday and Trouble

It's T (Again)

2008-07-05T10:45:00.004Z

Here's the official video for MC Terminator's 'It's T'

Ruffhousing has been championing Terminator for a long time now, and thus it's good to see him progressing, both as a rapper and as a figure of ridicule.

There's much debate about whether or not Terminator also plays for QPR under the alias (or 'birth name'), Shabazz Baidoo. As we reported back in December 2006, he did play for the Rs, but unfortunately they gave him away to Dagenham & Redbridge earlier this year for the princely sum of no pence. Anyway, as is usually the case with grime/dubstep queries, Norwich City FC are the ones to clear things up once and for all

My Necktie Is Asleep

2008-07-01T13:02:00.003Z

This is Tom Waits on a 70s programme called 'Fernwood Tonight', being interviewed by a young(er) Fred Willard.

Run The Risk(y Roadz)?

2008-06-28T10:22:00.005Z

Surely, with the grime-assisted re-birth of hammer-wielding manboy Timmy Mallet, it's now time for Run The Risk's perennial pratfaller, Peter Simon, to re-visit the spotlight?

At the moment, Simon is playing a sort of David-Dickinson-meets-Buster-Keaton role on freeview shopping channel, Bid TV, which basically consists of him repeatedly falling on his face in an attempt to sell pointless crap to bored women.

However, ask anyone (Peter Simon; Peter Simon's family) and they'll tell you that there's much more to the big man than self-harming for consumerism.

So, come on grime MCs: step up to the plate! Skepta, JME and Jammer can rest easy, as they've already been catalytic in Mallet's resurrection, but what about the rest of you? Ghetto, Trim, Tinchy - stick Peter S on a fucking remix!

And don't let it stop there. Badness - why not ask Sarah Greene to produce your next single? Bashy - get Terry Nutkins on the beatbox! Let the worlds of violent urban music and late 80s childrens' television collide!

I really fancy Lykke Li

2008-06-28T09:43:00.001Z

If you go down to the woods today...

2008-06-27T11:29:00.003Z

I'd like to tell you a story. It's a true story, and it all happened to me two days ago - 25/06/08. I shall begin at the end, as it seems as good a place as any, and then tell you how I ended up there...

From the hours of 2pm til just before 4pm yesterday I was sat in Windsor Police Station making an official statement. The following is the story of that statement.

Just to set the scene I need to tell you that I'm currently living in Berkshire doing a masters. My final project is on dead and ancient trees in Windsor Great Park, so I spend most days either in open parkland or woodland.

Anyway, I was sitting down on a log minding my own business and recording some tree measurements. I then noticed a man walking passed and thought nothing of it. I carried on writing until a few minutues later when I noticed the same bloke walking in the same direction, had a closer look and realised he was topless. Now this aroused by suspicions and I arose from by log to see what the cunt was up to. And then it all became clear...He was STARK BOLLOCK NAKED AND MASTURBATING as he walked along! I had no idea what to do at first, I was simply outraged! I knew there was a bit of a dodgy car park nearby but did not expect THIS! I didn't know what to do as first - start shouting and attack him? Do one on the quick tip? I quickly decided on the latter option as I thought there could have been more of the dirty bastards in the area, and didn't really want to be in the vicinity of a gang of horny homos.

I quickly gathered my things and did one towards the main road sharpish calling the police on the way, as this was area that I had previously seen families, horseriders and lone female joggers. Within 10 mins I was back at the car park and the police had already shown up with a dog team. So me, a big skinhead police man and a massive Alastian went hunting a homo in the Great Park. We retraced my steps and sure enough found the perv were I'd last seen him. However, this time there was another bummer floating around and homoing in on him. This secondary cottager was swiftly told to do one by the police officer as he and the dog ran at the still naked nonce whilst reading him his rights.

I didn't want to get to close but the police man told me that as he got closer the bloke was struggling to get his shorts back on and had sticking nettle marks all over his genitals and groin. Anyway, the rather unlikely troop of me, the police man, the dog and the nonce traipsed back to the cars where more police were waiting to cart him off. Upon sighting him one of the waiting police stubbed out his cigarette, snap on the floor and snarled, 'Dirty fucking cunt!'

I was then that the filthy bumlord came out with the clincher - 'But I've got to pick my kid up from school' !!!!! He was assured this would be take care of and then carted off, while I head into Windsor to make my statement.

And here we are at the end of what was a strange afternoon for me. It may all end in court in a couple of weeks as I was informed yesterday that he had been charged.

OUT

OH MY FUCKING LIFE

2008-06-24T19:48:00.002Z

The best thing about this is his dance. His slightly camp dance as he wields a machete and a cleaver.

Another shit advert...

2008-06-22T00:08:00.013Z

The above picture is taken from the current McCoys Crisps ad campaign, the tag-line of which is 'McCoys: Man Crisps'.

The guy in the picture is being sucked up and out of a pub through a futuristic plastic tube, having revealed to his 'mates' that he has a basic knowledge of ballet. This interest in areas other than football, violence and women with low self-esteem apparently renders him a mincing, nutless schoolgirl - a desperate and laughable excuse for a 'man'. Certainly not 'man' enough to enjoy a big meaty McCoys Crisp. So, it's the tube for him - or should we say 'her'!

Judging by this advert, we understand that McCoys Crisps define a 'man' as a 'boring, pointless, despicable fucking cunt who considers anyone with any originality or dynamism or passion to be a worthless screaming eunuch'.

Most male ballet dancers could probably kick the shit out your average pub-dwelling, McCoy-chomping, Nuts-reading personalityphobe. Lad culture is, and always has been, incredibly depressing and slightly sinister, and anyone who subscribes to it deserves to be castrated with a radio aerial and kicked down a well. Below is a Lad in action:

Here is another from the McCoys canon. Enjoy. Unless you're a homosexual, an intellectual, or someone who isn't a complete CUNT.

"So anyway", says Lad Clone 1, as his oestrogen-heavy pal is pumped swiftly from the establishment, "we all set for Tuesday?". Tuesday being the day that he and his accomplices march furiously through London's art galleries, theatres and libraries, clubbing any males they find to death.

Watch out for forthcoming McCoys Crisps campaigns, including 'McCoys: Not For Faggots', and 'McCoys: All Gay People Are Sub-Human And Deserve To Die'.

Currently pon the Ruffhousing tits...

2008-06-20T22:04:00.006Z

Those fucking Cobra ads.

"You know Daddy Long Legs'?"
"Yeah"
"Well, what do they call the female ones?!"
"Bloody hell! Barman, we'll need two more Cobras, please - it'll take a while to thrash this one out! Female Daddy Long Legs'! There's a brain teaser!"
"And while we're at it, why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?"
"Christ, it's going to be an all-nighter!"

God, these ads are irritating. They're apparently aimed at fictional groups of 'mates' who have so little in common and are so utterly starved for something - anything - to say to each other when they're down the pub that they have to resort to these pedestrian exchanges of pointless questions. Do these dullards really exist? The day I ask one of my closest friends, "why is it called a 'drive-thru' when you have to stop?" is the day I realise I have no close friends. And the day before I take my own life.

Tom Trouble

Ruffhousing Podcasts - Officially Big In The Game

2008-05-15T14:05:00.002Z

Behind The Scenes: Reggae

2008-05-03T23:16:00.005Z

The last in the present series of Behind The Scenes' musical adventures focuses on that chirpy, sunny and horrifically violent Caribbean export: reggae music. So light up a ganja spliff, crack open a Red Stripe, hurl abuse at anyone who enjoys pork products, and give it a listen!

Check www.ruffhousing.podomatic.com or search the iTunes store for 'ruffhousing' to give it a listen! Or alternately, scroll up the page, blud.

I Ain't New Ta This

2008-04-06T22:26:00.003Z

Here's Ice T to outline the reasons why the rap game isn't something he's only just got involved in and to emphasise that it would be a mistake to assume that he hadn't been doing what he does for quite a while already.

NB. In this song, Ice also mentions that he's "NEVER been new to this", which leads us to believe that he began rapping within seconds of exiting the womb. And even then, he'd already been doing it for a while.

'Do it, do it now!'

2008-04-01T13:27:00.002Z

DVD extras are generally very boring and only worth it for deleted scenes on your favourite comedy series'. But imagine if the commentaries were all like this...

Sam Yo

Don't call it a come back...it's just some reviews

2008-03-26T17:06:00.007Z

MGMT – Oracular Spectacular (Columbia)

Oracular Spectacular. Interesting title, interesting album. MGMT fit into that category of trendy American bands that are actually pretty good. Comparisons generally being drawn with Flaming Lips (Dave Fridmann produces) and their ilk; I personally think the Secret Machines is quite a good approximation too. Layered in psychedelic synths and sweet melodies (‘The Youth’ in particular sticks in your head), the album isn’t overly long (pressed up on a single piece of vinyl rather than being stretched to two) or as pretentious as some of their promotional shots would suggest. Oracular Spectacular doesn’t set the world alight, rather it’s a solid debut from a promising new band; even if one of them looks a like a new rave Kevin Rowland.

Supergrass – Diamond Hoo Ha (EMI)

A quintessentially English group, Supergrass peaked commercially in the Brit Pop years but have only got better since - their last album Road to Rouen was arguably their best since We’re In For The Money. This record is a little different from their last. Written as a twosome while bassist Mickey Finn was lying in bed quadraspazzed after a nasty sleep walking accident, it finds the band taking a fair rawer, stripped down approach; and they’re fucking good at it too. The title track lead single is an absolute rocker but there are highlights all over the album such as ‘Rough Knuckles’ and ‘Whiskey & Green Tea’; and also some very nice horns. Not an album that’s gonna set the world alight or win them any new fans but it certainly keeps the old ones baying for more.

Neon Neon - Stainless Style (Lex)

SFA’s Gruff Rhys and Boom Bip might seem like an odd couple but this is a cracking concept album. Based on utter joker million dollar play boy John Delorean and his rise and fall from grace with the train-wreck of a business that was the Delorean car and drugs, the album is full of variation. Funky 80s beats (‘Raquel’ and ‘I Lust U’), left-field hip hop (‘Trick or Treat’ sounds like it could have been nicked off Mike Ladd’s Majesticons project) and blessed out melodies (closer ‘Stainless Style’) all fit together extremely well without sounding forced. Definitely a worthy addition to both artists’ canons. Peep it.

Sharon Jones – 100 days, 100 nights (Daptone)

Today most ‘soul’ singers are lacking in one quite fundamental element – SOUL. Joss Stone, Corinne Bailey Rae, Duffy and all those slags need a year on some hard drugs and some actual life experience. For all her faults at least Winehouse has lived and sounds like she means what she sings. She also has a dope little band, the Dap-Kings, one which she shares with American soul singer Sharon Jones. Jones has been around the block a few times and paid her dues and produces a solid funk-soul LP, replete with a dope-ass retro sleeve. I’m gonna invest in her previous two albums of the back of this and I suggest you do too.

Ghostface Killah – Big Doe Rehab (Def Jam)

This came out ages ago but I’ve been a busy boy, and to be honest there’s not a lot of shout about anyway. It seems that Ghostface has got lazy with this release, something that he’s not normally guilty of. To be honest it’s just a collection of filler for the fan base that won’t appeal to a wider audience like Fish Scale did. There are some better tracks such as ‘Killa Lipstick’ and the self-produced ‘Supa GFK’ but even they don’t stick out that much from the rest. It’s not a shit album but Ghostface has set his standards that high that it’s just not really good enough; you’re much better investing in the Wu’s new opus 8 Diagrams. Now that really is immense.

More up soon

Sam Yo

The Best Song In The World?

2008-03-16T23:43:00.002Z

Maybe. Definitely the best hip hop song in the world, though. No question.

God, I love Big L.

Thomas Trouble.

Channel Ruffhousing

2008-03-13T14:17:00.003Z

Since the departure of Ruffhousing’s ‘Channel U Classics’ the 3barfire head office has been bombarded with letters of complaint, death threats and the odd suicide note – proving once and for all that a regular intake of ruffhousing is as an important part of your weekly routine as a trip to the supermarket or a aggressive, tearful wank.

With that in mind we bring you Ruffhousing TV – many of you will sneer and suggest that we merely have run out of videos to post up from channel U, many of you will be right.

Genius Cru – Course Bruv

This next video comes from before the conception of everyone’s favorite cultural experiment, but if there ever was a video that set the trend for 99% of the shit that is seen on channel U today then this is surely it. Just imagine! Without these videos you may never heard of the genius of Junior Spesh, the lyrical ferocity of Flirta D or the albino rodent ramblings of L.Man.

The video features social etiquette specialists Genius Cru – who, in a tumultuous period in the late 90s when people where bewildered and confused as to how to approach a colleague to request a small sip of their beverage, solved this conundrum with not only a musical hit – but a social phenomenon.

Not content with the simple club setting of their previous smash hit ‘Boom Selection’, the Cru uped the ante with a thrilling backdrop of international espionage and high stakes gambling - this video is everything Casino Royale wanted to be – I’m fairly sure there all working as IT consultants now.

Bob Marley

This week it’s been announced that production is beginning on a big Hollywood bio-pic of marijuana smoking, wife beating, gay hating, reggae legend Bob Marley. Its sure to be a feel good hit, missing out these inconvenient aspects of Bob’s life, and most likely ending up resembling a Lilt advert. Anyone who’s been on a gap year or is contemplating one should pre-order the DVD from their local independent retailer (not HMV, they rape Tibetan children and pay them in buttons).

Apparently Lauren Hill is in the running to play Bob Marley’s wife – there’s no real front runners as to who’ll play the man himself but my money is firmly on Martin Short. It’s been lengthy absence for the Father of The Bride (1+2!) star and this may just be the project to lure him out of the cinematic wilderness. Fingers crossed.

Devliman

One of the miracles of the modern age is our increasing level of social acceptance. In the 1500s, if a man from the midlands with a penchant for hunting hats and the voice of a Chinese robot began publicly spouting obscene jibberish about poisoned foodstuffs, he would have been roundly thrashed and flame-grilled as a demon-smuggling nutbox.

Here in the twenty-first century, however, the openly mad are actively celebrated and even - in some cases - given access to recording studios in which to vent their twisted brain-bile. Which brings us to 'Chinese Tale' by Birmingham's Devilman. A psychedelic urban gem, or the ramblings of someone who has something very wrong with their mind? You decide.

Chinese Tale

Words: Robin and Tom
from 3 Bar Fire

BOOM

2008-03-13T13:57:00.000Z

Musical Biopics

2008-02-05T11:57:00.000Z

So, like a man visiting a particularly punctual whore, 2007 went almost as soon as it came.

Unlike this fictional philanderer, however, the year also brought with it a slew of music biopics that consistently peppered our nation’s big screens. Control, Dreamgirls and I’m Not There (in which 6 different actors play out 6 different stages of Bob Dylan’s career) all had true-life musical stories at their respective cores, and, in recent years we’ve also seen Joaquin Phoenix aping Johnny Cash in Walk The Line and Jamie Foxx stumbling and mumbling his way to Oscar glory as Ray.

However, as the above list proves, it seems that film studios are afraid to gamble on anything other than the biggest musical names and the most interesting musical stories. So, with this in mind, Ruffhousing presents to you the musical biopics that should have been. And, technically, still could be.

RUNNING THE ROAD

BAFTA-winning softie, Richard Curtis, transfers his trademark dewy-eyed, moist-trousered writing style to the tumultuous etymology of the East London grime scene in this light-hearted urban rom-com. Dizzee (played by John Simm) is a streetwise youngster who dreams of fame and fortune as a superstar rapper. However, following a violent bust-up with his relentlessly po-faced mentor and friend, Wiley (Bill Nighy), Dizzee begins to question whether he has the strength to make it to the top on his own, and win over the girl of his dreams in the process. Co-starring Kristin Scott Thomas as Lady Sovereign and Clive Owen as Tinchy Stryder.

THE TOXIC TWINS

Ant and Dec star in this ill-advised children's feature depicting the Bacchanalian substance abuse and furious sexual exploits of Aerosmith rockers, Steven Tyler and Joe Perry, in appallingly graphic detail.

ISN'T IT IRONIC?

Off-beat romantic comedy in which Alanis “Why The Long Face?” Morissette (played here by Janine Garofalo) spends an hour and a half wandering around continually pointing out things that are ironic, until, finally, she is beaten unconscious by a man who has just had his wedding day rained off.

CHECKIN’ IT OUT

Based largely (to the point of copyright infringement) on the Bob Dylan film, I’m Not There, Checkin’ It Out features 6 different British actors leading viewers through 6 different periods in the long and varied career of punk-pop midget, Lil’ Chris. Simon Callow and Colin Firth both shine as the foetus and toddler Chris respectively, but the most memorable turn by far comes courtesy of Helen Mirren, who brings Chris' turbulent puberty period to life with the help of a New Era hat and some truly grotesque prosthetics.

DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAREER?

Heart-pummelling rap/rock weep-a-thon starring Tony Slattery as ex-Limp Bizkit frontman and tubby Nu-Metal poster-boy, Fred Durst. The first twenty-five minutes of this feature are a thoroughly cheerful affair, featuring scenes involving Grammy Awards Ceremonies, playful camaraderie with DMX (Phil Jupitus) and casual sex with Britney Spears (Leslie Ash). However, viewers with young children should be warned that the later stages of the film - in which Durst's sudden realisation that his career is essentially over sends him spiralling downwards into a black pit of empty despair - contain scenes of explicit violence, incessant swearing and – finally - angry, bitter sobbing.

TOTALLY WIRED

Disney Pixar present a CGI animated romp through the hilarious and chaotic life of that lovable Mancunian sourpuss, Mark E Smith. Smith (voiced here by Kelsey Grammer) is a struggling young revolutionary trying to make his voice heard among the grit and squalor of the late 70s industrial North. However, a chance meeting with an amusingly highly-strung robot called 'Crackles', who is on his way to get his frazzled wiring fixed, leads him on a riotous – and heart-warming – journey of self-discovery. NB. Pixar have not stayed entirely true to Smith’s actual life story here.

THE DRUMMER FROM KEANE

Horrifically uneventful biopic based loosely on the life of the drummer from Keane.

JAMMIN'

Big budget, Hollywood-friendly re-telling of the life of reggae ambassador, Bob Marley. In order to appeal to the widest possible American audience, the Jamaican patois which Marley spoke has been altogether eliminated, the singer's passion for marijuana has been replaced by a love of very hot curries, and Bob himself is to be played by David Schwimmer; a white man with a sensible haircut.

GOLDIELOCKS AND THE 3 BEARS

Less biopic and more 'snuff' film, Goldielocks and the 3 Bears follows the real life kidnapping of pointless electro-bint, Goldielocks, as she is dragged screaming from her family home in the dead of night, marched blindly into a damp cavern and left to fend for herself in the company of three hunger-ravaged Canadian brown bears, whom her captors adamantly refuse to call off until she has signed a legally binding agreement promising never EVER to go near a microphone again.

HEY NIKKI!

Overtly camp and fantastically upbeat musical starring Martin Clunes and Nicholas Lyndhurst as the all-singing, all-dancing, South London grime lotharios, Nikki S and Nyke. Having met at a local Scouts group, the boys decide that music is the path for them, and consequently embark on a high-kicking cabaret of love, laughter and line-dancing, until, ultimately – via a series of humourous misunderstandings – they wind up in bed together. NB. Neither Nikki S nor Nyke have officially given their consent to this project.

Troublesome

The Birth of NWA

2008-01-11T12:07:00.000Z

Gangsta Rap is a murky business. One minute you’re driving a Cadillac full of prostitutes to a local jewellers, the next you’re being pummelled frantically by a convicted felon. But how did this sub-genre originate? We all know the rumours, the myths and (thanks to Wikipedia) the actual truth, but now, for the first time ever, Ruffhousing is proud to unearth the 1985 correspondence between Andre ‘Dr Dre’ Young and Eric ‘Eazy E’ Wright that lead to the birth of N.W.A. and, ultimately, the international explosion of Gangsta Rap music:

-------------------------------------------

Dear Eric,

Hope this letter finds you well. God, December is a brutal month; who was it that said “it is winter alone that reminds us of the human condition”? I think it may have been Ice T. As you will probably have noticed, this letter is unstamped. At present, I have little money for postage and thus decided to hand deliver it. As to why, upon arriving at your door, I did not just knock and speak to you directly: I cannot explain. The human mind is a mysterious thing.

Anyway, I’m contacting you regarding an original idea I’ve been harbouring for a while now. You see, Eric, I’m angry. Angry about loads of stuff: the police, bitches, the fact that I was christened Andre – a name which is associated predominantly with homosexual French men and wrestling giants. My idea is to form a rap group. ‘What’s original about that?!’, I hear you cry. I can literally hear you crying as I write this; you live three doors down and Dumbo is on television.

The original aspect is this: we will be a ‘Gangsta’ rap group. We will use rap music to project our anger, dissatisfaction and unhappiness with the modern world. We will combat social inequality; we will provide a voice for the disenfranchised urban youth; we will mention guns a lot. What I need to get this group off the ground, is someone with street credibility, record industry contacts and serious financial backing. Will you be that someone?

Please let me know what you think, Eric. I really believe this could be the start of a beautiful relationship.

All the best,
Andre.

--------------------------------------

Dear Andre,

Many thanks for your letter; it made for interesting reading. I myself cannot read but I asked an associate to read it aloud to me. I must say, however, that your opening comments regarding winter threw me a little, as it is currently June.

As you may or may not be aware, I recently set up a record label with a friend of mine, and – like yourself – we are both deeply angry men. Furthermore, we are both really quite well off. To back this statement up, I am enclosing a hundred dollar bill. Please send it back to me at this address when you are suitably convinced of my wealth.

I am very interested in your proposal, and I do indeed have the required credibility, contacts and finance (see enclosed bill). However, I truly believe that I could offer more to this project than just hard currency. I am enclosing with this letter a recent excerpt from my diary. I think you will agree that it shows not only a certain linguistic flair, but also a chasm-like emotional depth:

Friday June 13th 1985:
10.34am – Have just measured myself and found that I’ve grown 3 inches since Tuesday! Things are certainly looking up!
10.37am – Just realised that I was wearing heels. I have not grown an inch.
11.07am – Racked with paranoia about the heels. Have I had them on all morning and not noticed? Must be more careful in future.

On reflection, this excerpt was perhaps not the best example of my way with words (nor my overall state of mind), but I have already placed it into this unsealed envelope, so it’s essentially too late.

Please let me know what you think, Andre. I would be more than happy to provide you with substantial financial support, but I ask that – in addition to this - I be allowed to contribute my lyrics/voice to the records you produce.

Yours, as ever,

Eric.

-----------------------------------------------

Eric,

As you will probably have noticed, I am sending this letter via ‘Fax Machine’! What won’t those egg-heads think of next!

I was very interested in what you had to say in your last letter, and your diary entry certainly made for hilarious reading! I am pleased that you are willing to assist the group financially, but I assume (hope) that your request to contribute your “lyrics/voice” to the records was merely a funny joke. As you and I both know, you sound like one of the Chipmunks and have all the lyrical ability of a dyslexic creche.

Best regards,
Andre.

PS. If it’s alright with you, I will hold onto the hundred dollar bill for a little longer.

---------------------------------------------------------

Dear Andre,

Apologies for this late reply to your last note. In your haste to experiment with cutting edge technology by sending me a ‘fax’, you neglected to check whether I myself owned a fax machine. I don’t. It really has to be a two-way thing if it is work properly.

Having listened to you dictate said correspondence over the telephone last night, I cannot pretend I was not wounded somewhat by your assumption that my desire to write and perform raps was “merely a funny joke”. Far from it; I am deadly serious.

I must state again that my finanical contribution to your group comes hand-in-hand with my vocal contribution. There can be no discussion on this.

Yours,
E

PS. I would appreciate it greatly if you could return the hundred dollar bill as soon as possible. It is of significant emotional value to me.

-----------------------------------------------

Eric,

Well, it appears we have hit something of a wall! You insist that you are an urban poet with a flair for language akin to Nabokov and a voice of thundering oak, and I (and most other people) insist you are a helium-voiced simpleton with a Jheri-Curl hairdo.

However, I must say that I respect the strength of character that you displayed in your last letter, and I think I may have a possible solution to our conundrum. I have a friend named O’Shea who has been writing rap lyrics for some time now under the alias ‘Ice Cube’. I have explained our situation to him and he is more than happy to give you the lyrics he produces that he doesn’t think are good enough to use himself. The ones that are just plain embarrassing. You know, the rubbish ones. No-one will be able to tell you are not the author of your own verses; O’Shea is a master of subtlety. I enclose here an example of a trial lyric he has written for you for a forthcoming song called ‘8 Ball’:

“Ice Cube writes the rhymes that I say/
Hail to the niggas from CIA”

The plan is bulletproof. We get the money and the label contacts; you get a portion of the spotlight and the chance to make your (oddly high) voice heard.

What do you say, Eric? I’m afraid that this has to be my final offer.

Warm regards,
Dre.

--------------------------------------------------

Andre,

Today will go down in hip hop history as the dawning of a brand new era! I’m happy to say that I accept your offer. I just know you and I will be friends forever, with no need to ever fall out.

All my warmest wishes,

Eric.

PS. No worries about that hundred; what’s a few dollars between friends?!

-------------------------------------------------

TROUBLE, I'M OUT.

Coping With Melancholia and Other Everyday Nuisances

2007-12-14T03:45:00.001Z

In London you can estimate your black bile by remembering the last time you felt a cool breeze on your face. Straying along the cracked tiles of my front garden chilled my heart because the sensation of the frigid air felt eerily fresh. So I took a detour from my usual meander to the parade. I picked the last paper from my battered Rizla packet and stuck my headphones in my ears.

The first refuge is self medication. For Melancholia I prescribe rippling lithium, cheaper then intoxication and with less side effects. Music cuts cleaner then a scalpel and deeper then a drill. There is something synesthesiastic about it that goes without explanation because you just feel it.

“Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose,
Nothin’ ain’t worth nothin’ but it’s free,
Feeling good was easy while Bobby sung the blues,
Feeling good was good enough for me,
Good enough for me and Bobby Mcgee.”

Johnny Cash - Me and Bobby Mcgee

Other songs to roll and walk to:

Jelly Roll Morton - Pretty Baby (Tony Jackson Song from 1916 in the Congress Recordings)

James Brown - Lost Someone (Live in 1963 at the Apollo)

Sona Diabate - Nassannaba (Performed with Bembeya Jazz National)

Davy Graham & Shirley Collins - Hori-Hori

Nico - These Days

John Holt - Strange Things

MF Doom - Lemon Grass (Instrumental from Special Herbs Vol. 3-4)

Durer implies there is a thin line between inspiration and despair. Life is never as bad as it seems or as good as it ought to be. So I tend to teeter between the two.

Saturday

Is Tom dead or passed out on a pile of porn?

3 BAR BASHMENT!!

2007-12-04T19:02:00.000Z

Hello there,
Our friends over at 3barfire recently invited us to 'clash' them on their monthly radio show on Samurai FM. We come in about 20 minutes in -

The Tracklisting for the mix is:
11. DJ Illo Vs 50 Cent 'Ayo Technology' - CDR / Coki 'Torture' - Tempa
12. South Rakkas Crew Feat New Kids 'Get Mad Again' - Mad Decent
13. Siriusmo 'Wow' (Modeselektor Edit) - CDR
14. Thom Yorke 'Eraser' (Xxxchange Mix) - Xl
15. Metro Area 'Miura' (Re-Edit) - White
16. Hot Chip 'Shake A Fist' - EMI
17. Rodion 'Electric Soca' (Crookers Mix) - Gomma
18. Dave Nada 'Spell On You' - T&A
19. Kano 'I M Ready' - Metronome
20. Andy Caldwell 'Warrior' (Claude Von Stroke Mix) – Om
21. Ja Rule Feat Lil' Wayne 'Uh Oh' - CDR
22. Unknown 'This Is How I Roll' - CDR

If that wasn't enough we will also be at the 3barfire Xmas Party. This will be extra special as the entire extended ruffhousing family will be in attendance as:
Alma Douce aka Nivea Visage
Flava D aka The Garlic Gentlemen
Tom Troublesome aka Percee Weezly
and Reecha aka Colin Creevey

will be nicing up the dance. There is a projector so we'll probabaly be playing a mixture of 'National Lampoon's Xmas Vacation', 'Planes, Train and Automobiles' and 'Schindler's List' to get into the christmas spirit.

RUFFHOUSING 50th POST

2007-11-05T21:43:00.001Z

What you are reading here represents a big fat fucking milestone in blogger history. This is Ruffhousing's 50th post. To celebrate, we thought we'd fill a little felt pouch full of all our best bits from the past year or so and present it here. However, upon closer inspection, it became apparent that there weren't any. So instead, here is a video containing advice for females on what to do if their boyfriend is mistreating them:

BUN HIMMMMM!!!!

More actual posts soon.

Lots of love,

Trouble. xx

Records I Bought Last Week...

2007-09-26T15:11:00.000Z

More food for thought…

Kanye West – Graduation (Roc-A-Fella, new release)

Kanye West has a massive ol’ heeeead but then again it is quite justified – two almost classic albums and a slew of superfluous beats for other artists. However, after this album it might be time for a wee scamp with a pin to deflate young Mr. West’s head somewhat. Street single ‘Can’t tell me nothing’ (actually spelt with the G) is a cracker, with a great spoof video on http://www.kanyewest.com/. But chart single ‘Stronger’ quickly got annoying, even with its quite original deployment of a Daft Punk sample (I say original but Busta did the same a while back with ‘Touch it’), and ‘Drunk and hot girls’ is the worst thing he has ever done. Everybody seems to have picked up on his use of synths on the album. These do make for a slightly different sound in comparison to the last two albums but they could have been used to more a more interesting end. The album also lacks the strong songs of the first two records and Kanye’s crate digging appears to be getting lazier – the use of Steely Dan’s ‘Kid Charlemagne’ on ‘Champion’ is catchy but a bit obvious.

Having said all that Kanye’s third is still better and more packed full than most other hip hop artists out there. It’s just with a track record and ego like Kanye’s I think he could and should have done better.

Animal Collective – Strawberry Jam (Domino, new release)

The Animal Collective are not a rag-tag gang of assorted misfit mammals, reptiles, amphibians and birds but a bunch of noisy yanks that might quite an interesting and original racket. Their sounds is hard to describe but they are almost like The Shins meets Clap Hand Say Yeah with a pinch of a less jazzy Battles…if such a thing can be imagined. They’re an experimental group with an apparently shifting line-up. The album doesn’t make easy listening but it does make rewarding listening, with new qualities and touches revealed upon each listen. Worth peepin’ if you like that sort of thing (I certainly do) but if you want summat snappy and instantly catchy then look elsewhere.

Elmore Judd – Insect Funk (Honest Jon’s, new release)

This really is quite an original little album from an artist, I must confess, I had never heard of before. The album title pretty much sums up the album’s sound neatly in two words. It’s on some creepy-crawly, white boy soul type vibe – and is all the better for it! Opening track ‘Pirate song’ is a soul funk sea shanty replete with accordion that creeps right under your skin. The rest of the album follows a similar lo-fi funk direction with hushed falsetto vocals and lots of brushed cymbals. One tune (‘Funky nerd’) features the lyric ‘I’m a sneaky freaky geeky human being’ which is pretty much spot on, as there is a sexiness in the organs, synths, horns, strings and funky bass lines. A mystical stew pot of an album that is definitely worth checking out.

Blak Twang – Help Dem Lord (Rotton Production, new release)

Mr Taipanic can be a bit hit and miss. Luckily though this is one of his hits; not that it’ll be a hit though, its UK hip hop for god’s sake - about as saleable as a big barrel of Aids. The main reason for the tracks success in pleasing my little ears is the beat from Firstman, which is based on a sample from ‘Happiness Stan’ by Small Faces, from the brilliant Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake album. Righteous lyrics and a dope beat – not bad.

Beastie Boys – Electric Worm b/w Suco Detangerina (Capitol, new release)

The album this single was taken from (The Mix-Up) got decidedly average reviews when it was released, which in my (possibly slightly biased) view were quite harsh. The Beastie Boys make a decent noise when they hit their lounge style up; and the album features their best playing to date. Apparently they’re gonna re-do the album with ‘a bunch or British people’ laying down vocals over their instrumentals…should be interesting. Anyway, these are two of the most memorable tracks on the album, but as a single are for completists only.

Aesop Rock – None Shall Pass (Def Jux, new release)

Aesop Rock is a bit of a divider of opinion. This album may well be what unites opinion on the exceptionally gifted emcee. The beats are more accessible and funky, while his flow has become less jarring and nasal. The vast majority is handled by Blockhead as with previous career high Labor Days, however the man at the helm of Def Jux, El-P, does appear for a track and a handle of tracks are self produced (something that bogged down last album Bazooka Tooth a bit, but works well this time around).

The production definitely has a less claustrophobic, more feel good feel compared to Bazooka Tooth but could never be called poppy. The style is dark but open and very much bass line driven over the 14 tracks. Title track ‘None shall pass’ is a definite highlight, as well as the appearance of Breezly Brewin’ (star of Prince Paul’s opus A Prince Among Thieves) on ‘Getaway car’.

This is Aesop’s most accessible album to date, right up there with Labor Days. That’s not to say he’s gone soft though, he still kicks it hard over hard beats. Probably a good album to introduce you to the Def Jux sound.

Kid Acne – Romance Ain’t Dead (Lex, new release)

Once again another quality little Lex release packed full of originality – imagine Run DMC meets Sham 69, with a South Yorkshire accent… The beats have a distinctly old school feel (BDP, Slick Rick etc) with ‘South Yorks’ even sampling ‘South Bronx’ by BDP. While the lyrics and flow kicked by the Kid are similarly rudimentary. And it’s this back to basics approach that makes it such a refreshing release in the sphere of UK hip hop, where most other mcs try and fit a million syllables into every line. This album is straight up fun, a fucking rarity in UK hip hop. The punk tracks fit well next to the hip hop tracks – most of which have damn catchy choruses. The album also weighs in at a meagre 30 minutes, which is almost like an EP in the hip hop world, but hip hop albums are too long any, so safe – another nice change. Basically a great hip hop album this ain’t, a whole heap of fun and good humour it is.

Gallows – Orchestra of Wolves (Warner, 2007)

Punk is dead. No matter what any hardcore fan tells you, punk really is dead. This, however, is a great punk album. They do still get made you know. I wish I’d seen Gallows live (I will be at the next opportunity if Frank Carter doesn’t decide to jack it in), as lot of my friends have and sing their praises highly. This is an album FULL of energy, and while a lot of bands of their type can’t back up their energy with songs, Gallows certainly can. ‘Abandon ship’ and new single ‘In the belly of a shark’ are both fucking crackers but don’t massively outshine the rest of the album, which is a testament to its strength in depth. If you haven’t bought a ‘punk’ album in a while, buy this fucker. It’ll kick you fucking face off. Yes.

TOP 5: HORRIFIC REGGAE COVER VERSIONS

2007-09-15T07:57:00.000Z

Personally, I love all reggae and I won't hear a bad word against it. However, having said that, a lot of it is shit and I hate it.

The main reason for this occasional hatred is the supreme unreliability of those pesky Rastas. Sure, they make some good tunes, but nine times out of ten - when they're not shouting at gays or shunning pork products - they're off making horrific cover versions. Here are the five worst:

1. Beres Hammond – Just Like A Woman (Bob Dylan)

We kick off with a track taken from the album 'Is It Rolling Bob?'; an ill-advised collection of reggae takes on popular Dylan songs. On ‘Just Like A Woman’, Beres Hammond transforms the beautiful, cottony feel of Bob's excellent original into what is essentially the sound of 2 for 1 Cocktail Evening on a cruise ship. A desperately poor and ludicrously cheesy effort.

2. Eek-A-Mouse – Georgie Porgie (Anon - Traditional Nursery Rhyme)

Eek-A-Mouse has been known to claim, “I eat with my gun, I sleep with my gun, I even clean my teeth with my gun”. However, this hardman act loses more than a little weight upon listening to the track above, on which the pinball-voiced 'singjay' regales us with the age-old anecdote about that feckless romantic, Georgie Porgie, and his failed attempts at seduction. What the hell is the Mouse doing here? He’s a master spinner of yarns involving the smuggling of ganja, the loving of virgin girls and, as you can see above, the use of firearms in preventing plaque. He’s not a fucking reggae version of Jack-a-nory. This is a messy stain on an otherwise perfectly spotless reputation.

3. Big Youth – It's Not Unusual (Tom Jones)

I wish I was friends with Big Youth. Not just because he's very tall and black, but also because I could have taken him aside before he went into the booth to record this version of 'It's Not Unusual' by boisterous Welsh audio sex-pest, Tom Jones. The conversation would have gone like this:

Me: Alright, Big Youth?
Big Youth: Yeah, I'm alright.
Me: You're looking very tall and black today.
BY: Cheers.
Me: What you up to now?
BY: Just going to record a song.
Me: Oh, wicked. Is it another groundbreaking, amp-shuddering dub classic?
BY: No, it's a deeply average version of 'It's Not Unusual' by boisterous Welsh audio sex-pest, Tom Jones.
Me: That's a bad idea, Big Youth.
BY: Is it?
Me: Yes. Go and record another groundbreaking, amp-shuddering dub classic.
BY: OK. Thanks for the advice, Tim.
Me: It's Tom.
BY: Whatever.

4. Anthony Cruz – Stay Awake (Aerosmith – I Don't Want To Miss A Thing)

Hopefully you won't have heard of Anthony Cruz. If you haven't, then well done. If you have, please go immediately to the nearest live land mine and give it a good, hard kick. Really boot it. With your toe, not the side of your foot. Really punt it. Go on, give it a proper kicking; don't be shy. You weren't shy at HMV when you bought this piece of shit record, were you, you musically-castrated cunt? There are deaf people in this world who would do anything for a pair of working ears, and you use yours to listen to a talentless Jamaican man with a vocoder covering flaccid stadium rock power ballads.

Anyway, I own this song. As you might have guessed, it's not very good. Candy-floss synths and Rice Krispie crackle-drums emulate Aerosmith's weepy, windswept anthem while Cruz wanks along half-heartedly on the vocal. Dreadful.

5. Yellowman – We Wish You A Reggae Christmas (Anon – Bastardized Christmas Carol)

Well, what more ear-gougingly horrendous way to end this list than with the decade-long winner of the 'Jamaica's Oddest-Looking Man' Competition: Yellowman. This song is his chirpy, reggae take on the popular Yuletide staple, 'We Wish You A Merry Christmas'. This song features the chorus line, “we wish you a reggae Christmas, and a reggae New Year”. This song would reduce even the blackest-hearted, coldest-blooded criminal warlord to a shrieking, sobbing heap of shredded Kleenex. This song should be the stock component in the rucksack of any international terrorist or perverted sado-masochist. This song should be pumped into the ears of convicted murderers and rapists twenty-four hours a day. This song should be Guantanamo Bay's theme tune.

On the plus side, Yellowman does namecheck a lot of excellent reggae singers (Sizzla, Anthony B etc) and tell them, inexplicably, that they’re “welcome”. “Welcome” to what, we can’t be sure. Possibly to appearing on the single worst reggae song of all time.

DUN KNOW THE BLOGSPOT

Tommy Troublesome

Records I Bought This Week...

2007-09-12T16:07:00.000Z

Every week I buy several to many (depending on inspiration and funding) records. I always have to have new music on my shelf or I feel, hmmm, well just odd really. Anyway, I have decided to start telling you about my weekly purchases, as you might find my ramblings of a modicum of interest. And so without further ado, here are the records I bought this week (well last week really)…

The Coral – Roots & Echoes (Deltasonic, new release)

The Coral’s 5th and best since their 2nd. After the patchy disappointment of the Portishead produced last album this is a return to form. Skelly’s song writing ability keeps growing and growing, with this his most mature selection yet. The album has a lovely earthy feel, something that The Invisible Invasion lacked sorely lacked. The bands little psych freak-outs are just about still there, better deployed on this release than any since their brilliant debut, but have been mostly replaced by far more mature, less ‘I’m a stoner, check out mystical gobbledegook’ songs. A major highlight is Bill Ryder-Jones’ guitar which is superfluous throughout. Good news as he left the band for a while, almost resulting in their break-up. After coming back from the edge, The Coral have come up with their best collection of songs to date. Peep it.

Tunng – Good Arrows (Full Time Hobby, new release)

I’ve seen Tunng live twice now, both times at Moseley Folk Festival (http://www.myspace.com/moseleyfolk), and their growth as a band is as hugely evident on stage as it is on their second album, Good Arrows. They’re a folk band but not as we know it – current line up includes a percussionist, three guitarists (all of whom sing), a beautiful girl that plays gadgets and also sings and a DJ/sample triggerer/drum programmer type bloke. The basic premise for this album is nice layer vocals over folky guitars, beats and noises. Funny little songs and funny little things, ‘a cracking little album,’ said I.

Shape of Broad Minds – Craft of the Lost Art (Lex, new release)

Lex is one of those new labels where everything they release seems to be quality, a bit like Rawkus and Def Jux used to be. This release is no different. I only bought it because it was on Lex and it was a total stab in the dark. I wasn’t disappointed. Dark, murky, funk infused beats, a bit like a Lootpack for ’07. It’s quite long at 23 tracks but well worth ploughing through in its entirety; some tracks like ‘Opr8r’ are even quite catchy. It seems that main man Jneiro Jarel is quite a talented wee chappy and chooses some good names to pop up with cameo’s – MF Doom, Count Bass D… One of the best, and most different sounding (i.e. not backpack) independent hip hop albums of the last few years.

Dr Who Dat? – Beat Journey (Lex, 2006)

Sitting within spitting distance of the Shape of Broad Minds album was this, also on Lex. Dr Who Dat? is a member of SBM and this is an album comprised entirely of his instrumental works. The beats are quite expansive having a nice open feel to them, often having several samples weaving in and out of each other creating quite a jazzy (due to the nature of the samples) and layered sound. Unlike a lot of instrumental hip hop albums, say ones my certain turnablists, its not just a showcase scratching skills – in fact there isn’t really any noticeable on the album, which makes a nice change. The emphasis is on abstract but accessible beats that reveal more with each listen. An album best enjoyed at night, preferably whilst driving.

The White Stripes - Icky Thump (XL, new release)

I used to think The White Stripes were crap. I mean I liked ‘Hello Operator’ and bought its parent album De Stijl because it was alright. Thought that White Blood Cells was derivative bollox and looked on perplexed as the entire planet gave ‘Seven Nation Army’ a thorough and exhaustive rim job (I means its ok but Christ!). I also thought the album it was taken from, Elephant, was a load of gash. It was only ‘Doorbell’ and the rest of the Get Behind Me Satan album that made me really take notice, and Icky Thump has made me continue to pay attention. The guitars that left briefly for Satan are back this time around and Jack serves up some of his best riffs to date with a more beefed up sound. Singles, ‘Icky Thump’ and ‘You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You’re Told)’ are great little openers for the album and set the tone well. While the lack of much guitar on Satan focussed the attention on Jack’s songs, this album is distinctly guitar led but also has songs to ensure repeated listens. A big album packed full of quality Americana and even some fucking bagpipes!

Fairport Convention – Liege and Lief (Island, 1969)

Fucking straight up stone cold classic! Not really sure why another reissue was needed, they did one only a few years back. This is one of Universal’s Deluxe series with a second cd of outtakes and BBC sessions, a couple of which are quite essential. I saw Fairport this weekend at Moseley Folk Festival and although a tad cheesy they were as tight as fuck (little Dave ‘I’ve got new lungs’ Swarbrick even made an appearance for a couple of tracks). Anyway, the extra cd is a nice little bonus but it’s the main album that is all killer no filler. I can’t be arsed to go on about it because you can read about it elsewhere in more depth than I can afford here – ‘The most important folk album of all time’ proclaims the cover. Not a bad shout. As Missy said, ‘Cop dat shit.’

M.I.A – Kala (XL, new release)

The first time I saw M.I.A was on Pop World; a monkey pissed on her and she came over as an absolute moron. Her first album, Arular, came out and everybody bummed it – I still thought she was a moron but had to concede to the fact that I would dance to ‘Galang’ when pissed. Kala is her second album and I pretty sure I don’t she’s a moron anymore. Darker, more political and peppered with nods to distinctly ‘whiter’ music (Jonathon Richman and Pixies for example), Kala is a winner. Tracks like ‘Bamboo Banga’ and ’20 Dollar’ do indeed bang, although the Timbaland collaboration is a bit of a disappointment. If you’re feeling a bit cool and worldly this week, this is definitely an album worth checking out.

Talk Talk - Laughing Stock (Polydor, 1991)

I’m a big fan of Talk Talk and have been looking for this album for ages. It’s not currently available in this country, even though the others have been the subject of nice reissues (it was released by Polydor not EMI) but I managed to finally pick it up as a nice cheap import in HMV (£9.99). Basically the evolution that had been occurring since the bands debut continues with this, their final album. Even more jazz infused than Spirit of Eden but without the synth-y feel, this album is another Mark Hollis helmed masterpiece. His hushed vocals hit perfectly in this organic sounding mix of ambience, jazz (think Miles’ In a Silent Way), found sounds and splashes of quietly crunching guitars. An album that really has to be heard…

Foals – Matheletics (Transgressive, new release)

Trendy little indie band make vital sounding single, fail to follow through with decent album. Happens every bloody week. Blame the NME. My brother tells me their first single sounded similar but better, so seems that the same may be true again. Prove me wrong you skinny little bastards.

Super Furry Animals – Hey Venus! (Rough Trade, new release)

I ain’t gonna lie to you, I fucking love the Super Furries. They’re simply a great British band. However, a couple of albums back they hit cruise control. Lucky for them they set this cruise control in ‘High Quality’ mode. The only problem with them at the moment is that although they keep churning out consistently good albums, they seem to be devoid of their moments of shear brilliance and genius. For instance Hey Venus! doesn’t have a single on it, let alone something that could compete with past greats in the ilk of ‘Northern Lights’, ‘Juxtaposed With You’ or ‘Herman Loves Pauline’. This is evidenced in the cool little single ‘Show Your Hand’ totally failing to hit the Top 40, while the album was this week’s highest new entry at 11. Basically, what SFA have given us is another great little album (short and sweet at 35 minutes) just lacking in their invention of old. Not to say it isn’t inventive though, there are more ideas on here than a band like Kaiser Chiefs could come up with in a whole time, like I said there just aren’t the highs of old. I will say however, that the cover is the worst of their career…

Samyo

We Nah Beg Friend With Informer

2007-09-11T22:28:00.000Z

OK, let's kick things off with this.

Now let's move things up a gear with this:

Now let's tone the whole thing down with this:

Nice.

And another thing....

2007-08-23T20:09:00.000Z

I’m a big fan of rants. And for purely selfish reasons, mainly my own. They tend to be based on considered thoughts but rather unconsidered statements and tangents. Most rants occur in the pub over a pint with friends who tend to agree. Sometimes though, I’ll spew a rant onto my laptop. Most of these never see the light of day because they are, A) utter bollox, B) riddled with contradictions, C) make pointless reading, and D) are just a bit of fun. However I haven’t dropped a post for a hot minute so I thought I set one of the little fuckers free from a life-sentence of residing in ‘My Documents’ next to old CVs, photos from nights out and porno vids downloaded from http://www.stilemedia.com/ – highly recommended by the way.

So here’s a rant for you, warts and all, in it’s pure unedited form…

I once bummed a fish. I think it was a tench but I had consumed a rather large quantity of mescaline so I can’t recall. With that in mind I would like to ask a simply question – what happened to creativity?

There was a time when people took risks in music (a fistful still do) but today most because is ‘inoffensive’ (or so offensive it goes full circle), test tube born lemming spunk made for mindless cunts. Many things are to blame. So many htings in fact, that this rant could cause my frantically typing fingers to become bloody stumps or stop typing and throttle myself.

Experimentation is dead because it doesn’t shift units. Finding a slightly different underground artist and imitating the shit of them with commercial bent is alive and kicking our spoon-fed minds in.

I have a controversial statement to make – I reckon McFly have the potential to be a decent like band. All you have to do is dose a couple of them up on hallucinogens, stick a syringe in another’s arm and ‘out’ another, and you have a whole pot of ideas and issues to draw inspiration from. I mean you already have a tight little pop band who can sing in harmony, the only thing missing is creativity.

Some big bands take risks (think Radiohead with Kid A, not a great example I know) but not enough. Some bands have the power to bully major record labels but they are addicted to cash like sweaty little junkies. The press don’t help. Artist that appear ‘different’ or have abnormal behaviour are branded freaks and weirdos. Not that they care though…I’ve got a lot of love for the sweaty, booffoned, sailor armed, Jewish Princess that is Amy Winehouse because of this. And the fact she’s a real personality, that made a great album.

I might have to actually end this rant early as my right hand keeps making a break for my throat. But I would like to say thank god for the likes of Joanna Newsom and Rufus Wainwright, because they stand out like sore thumbs in a sea of perfectly manicured and glossy ones. And will some one please murder that white dread wanker fuck Newton ‘no court in the country would convict you for assassinating me’ Faulkner.

That is all.

Rant over.

Samyo

For Drips and Scribbles; Part One

2007-08-16T17:28:00.000Z

Leaning over the bin in my bedroom I stood whittling a broken pencil. Fashioning a small piece of graphite into a point put me into a meditative state. All thoughts had vanished from my mind. Giving up all hope of remembering the instant of genius that had persuaded me to lift the cool pillow from my face I decided to start googling.

“Bollocks!”

I can not honestly remember whether I said it out loud or not. I had stumbled across an obituary for a ghost called Nike. The Hong-Kong police had driven the world’s number one ripper and distributor of JAV and Gravure underground after some hack had written an article about them. My skin began to itch.

All the frivolous and licentious cultural icons of Nippon were gone. Outside the almost unconscious influence of the gaming industry the twin worlds of JAV and Gravure are the most influential force to emanate from the east, closely followed by Anime and Manga.

I have to admit to a devious curiosity of objects that exist for the single purpose of mindless gratification. I can not imagine a better argument for the superiority of human civilisation over all nature then to compare the rabbit God made and the one we did. It makes me smile when I realise how much effort we put into the carnal arts. I do not see why we essentially deny their existence, even though we produce more of it than just about anything else. I do not remember it ever being mentioned in my film-history classes the extreme close up (one of the more significant film innovations) was developed by early pornographers.

Celebrate the brilliance of Japanese pornography while we still have it. Revel in the insanity of it all. Give in to immoral exhaustion and the habitual ritual of sleep deprivation caused buy visual stimulation. The most superfluous aspects of JAV can inject enjoyment to your life. Browse the new releases simply to scrutinise the hysterical engrish. See how lost in translation you can get. I’ll start you off if you want.

These are all genuine titles from recent JAV films with their actual matching covers!

Tutor And Mother Daughter Donburi! Three Generations Of Women! Second Helpings, Eat As Much As You Like!

I Can't Stop My Incontinence

Mother's Milk And Lesbian Family

Piss Shower Sprinkler

Former Ballerina Ultra Soft Body! Real Reggae Dancer Third Dance! Magnificent Hips Nakadashi!

Sweet Lip, Let Me Turn Up Your Labia

I can not even imagine a world where stuff like this was not freely available at the click of a mouse. It is a world not worth living in.

Saturday

Coming Soon!

2007-08-08T22:25:00.000Z

Kawaii comes in spurts! I got a gut feeling...

You'll have to excuse my friend, he has Tourette's

2007-07-25T17:58:00.000Z

Ever since Pete from Big Brother invented the condition known as Tourette's syndrome in 2006 it’s been everywhere – kids spontaneously shout ‘WANKER!!!’ at me in the streets all the time. Hell, what’s wrong with rocking a Dashiki and a Jeri curl in ’07?

That Pete gay is a bit like Alexander Graham Bell though – neither of them invented the telephone and neither of them invented Tourette’s. No, Tourette’s was actually was actually invented by some Scottish bloke in the Seventies. Little is known of the man, apart from the fact that he could be rather inappropriately rude and embarrassing to be around…

Tourette’s is in fact now so cool that it has become ‘urban’. Hip hop, Grime and RnB artists all over the world seem to have developed their own individual ‘ticks’. RnB seems to have been hit by a rather worrying tick of pandemic levels with almost every artists of the genre yelping the word ‘baby’ involuntarily whenever they open their silly formulaic little mouths (I am not an angry man).

It’s the Tourette’s in the other ‘urban’ (what an awful word used by wankers – maybe those kids had a point) realms that are far more interesting. With this in mind here’s a few of the more notable artists and their ticks –

Flavor Flav (Public Enemy)

Good old Flavor eh? Not only was he a true innovator in the world of hip hop, jeweller and being a crack head, he was also the first hip hop artist to suffer from Tourette’s. Flavor’s tick, ‘Yeeeeaahh Boyeeeee!!’ can be heard all over Public enemy’s records and became a truly synonymous with the PE sound.

One unfortunate outburst of his famous tick got him in quite a sticky situation whilst trekking through Bed Stuy back in the day - Flav bawled passed a couple of thugs sounding out a confused young male for being a homosexual, and asking the question, ‘So, you like girls or boys? Punk ass faggot’, Flav had to 01* rather sharpish when he inadvertently answered for the young puff.

* 01 is short for 0121, which means ‘do one’ for all you none Brum heads

Scratchy (Roll Deep)

Roll Deep’s white boy and possibly best mc is also a prime example of a Tourette’s sufferer. Scratchy’s tick is his trade mark warrior call. This derives from his little known Native American or Original People’s roots. Although he likes to try and keep it under his ponytail, Scratchy is actually a direct descendent of Big Chief Rapid Chat of the Sioux Indians. It is well documented that Rapid Chat had a tick of his very own. Famous American historian Clayton Deathroll said this of him, ‘The first time I met Big Chief Rapid Chat he screamed ‘Eski!!’ and then violently sodomized me’.

Timbaland

All time super producer and unfathomable idiot (why give everybody else actually songs and just fill your album with party and bullshit?) has laced a damn high percentage of his tracks with his gibberish, turntable Tourette’s. His incessant ‘freaky, freaky’ in a mock scratch style becomes quite hilarious when noticed. He seriously drops it all too frequently for it to be a ‘hooky’ part of his production sound – the boy has Tourette’s! Or maybe he just feels freaky all the time. Either way the man is clearly unwell.

Jadakiss

Supposed ‘real’ MC, Jadakiss (get some beats fool), tries hard to disguise his tick but it’s still easy to spot if you know what you’re looking for. Why would a grown ass man do a weird coughy, laughy, choking nose on half of his tracks? Because the bloke clearly has Tourette's. In fact I can’t even be arsed to write about him because it might not actually be Tourette’s – he might just be a nob…

On that not I think I’ll say, ‘Piss Off!’ But do try and spot your own CUNTS! suffering from Tourette’s Syndrome, they’re FUCKING! everywhere…

Samuel

ADIEU

JA RULE IS BACK!

2007-07-24T21:23:00.000Z

No I'm being serious. I never thought i would say this but it appears Ja Rule has gone and made probabaly the best rap track of the summer. Somehow he managed to find time away from his busy schedule campaigning for Mayor of New Jersey to hook up with everyones favourite adoptee (and possibily the only rapper smaller than Ja himself) Lil' Wayne ('Lil' get it?).
Seriously if you can listen to this and not screwface you have no soul.

Controversially enough, apparently the two got arrested the other day in America - i d like to think that the arrests had something to do with them doing a pa of the track and then going berzerk and mass murdering the entire crowd - however it is much more likely it was the usual hip hop thing of ganbanging a 14yr old puerto rican girl named Cha Cha.

If you would like to know more about the impending sexual assault charges that may or may not be falling upon Ja (or any other rapper for that matter) then head on over to our bestest friend in the whole wide world 3 Bar Fire where you can also read lots of other music news as well as the odd post from ruffhousing.

BOOM BAM

The Greatest Publication of All Time

2007-07-21T18:01:00.000Z

Every once in a while, a publication emerges that changes the way we think. The New Statesman; Private Eye; Shoot! Magazine: these titles make us laugh, cry and ponder the mysteries of life with renewed vigour. Last Thursday, I happened upon the most recent addition to this list of genre-busting, mirth-making, world-altering magazines, and I feel it is only right to share it with you now.

The publication is called Maxx Paxx and the first thing you will notice when you read it, is that it's very difficult to tell what the point of it actually is. Just a quick glance through most news-stand titles lets you in on precisely who they are aimed at and exactly what their content will be: Heat is for gals who love to shop and gossip; Nuts is for lads who are worried they will die alone; and Grazia is for Orthodox Hassidic Jews. Simple. However, Maxx Paxx quite clearly has no interest at all in this sales-friendly media pigeon-holing and has decided to tuck any possible explanation for its existence under a thick stream of technicolour advertising and incoherent babble.

However, while the magazine may be without any kind of raison d'etre, it comes equipped with strong and controversial opinions. Let's take their review of recent blockbuster-satirising blockbuster, Epic Movie, as an example. Now, I haven't seen Epic Movie, but every write-up I've encountered has been thoroughly unfavourable: Empire calls it “a disaster of epic proportions”, Sight & Sound says, “Epic Movie lacks energy, continuity and wit, certainly, but also, crucially, affection and intelligence”, while Total Film simply pleads, “Please. Make it. Stop”.

Maxx Paxx claims, “You will be laughing your head off with this hillarious movie. It is a collection of comical re inactments of all latest films. From Charlie and the chocolate factory to Borat. You will be in stitches”.

Most people thought Epic Movie was rubbish. Most people spell 'hilarious' with one 'L'. Maxx Paxx is NOT most people.

The most fascinating, informative and downright entertaining section of Maxx Paxx, however, is a column that appears within the first 10 pages, called WHAT'S HOT with Chuckie (pictured above). Chuckie himself – a living, breathing answer to the age-old question, “what would happen if you stuck a Hitler moustache on an aquatic rodent and let them raid Kanye West's wardrobe?” - is a master of the kind of stream-of-conciousness prose made famous by authors such as William Faulkner. While most other writers are required to perform editions, cuts and even a basic spellcheck, Chuckie has no need for these superfluous niceties, and prefers instead to vomit his thoughts straight onto the page, untouched and unblemished.

Chuckie's predominant subject matter for this issue is the 'Non Smoking Ban'. We can only assume that Chuckie is actually referring to the 'Smoking Ban', as a 'Non Smoking Ban' would mean a ban on NOT SMOKING, and thus, legally, EVERYONE would have to smoke in public places from July 1st. Anyway, Chuckie is over the moon at the fact that Britain has gone smoke-free. It is, to quote the man himself, like “Christmas all over again!”. Why? Chuckie breaks it down simply:

"Intimacy – So you've linked up with a new girl/man, bring them back to the crib for wining and dining and they decide to have a 'smoke!'"

Leaving aside the question of why 'smoke!' is in quotation marks and is accompanied by an exclamation, let's deal with the first part of this sentence. 'So you've linked up with a new girl/man'. Now, you could read this in two ways:

1.Chuckie is trying to appeal to both male and female readers and therefore gives both sexes their viable options.
2.Chuckie regularly seduces transsexuals.

I don't know about you, but I am inclined to read it in the context of the second option, and I'm fairly confident that this is the way Chuckie intended it. Anyway, let's read on:

"They look to start kissing and their mouth smells like a mixture of arse and stuff! It's off putting and puts the non smoker in a mad situation."

Chuckie, if you're reading this, there's something you should know. If someone's mouth smells like 'arse and stuff', it probably isn't because they've just had a cigarette. If anything, they probably had the cigarette to try and disguise the fact that their mouth smells like an arse. Essentially, Chuckie is kissing a transsexual who regularly performs rim jobs. Of course it's a 'mad situation'. Chuckie has tasted bum. And he's furious. His point well made, he finishes in style:

"Hopefully the smoking ban will keep people more fresh and sexy. I hope I've played with your conscience."

I don't know why Maxx Paxx exists, I don't know who it is aimed at and I just googled it and all that came up was hardcore porn and batteries. Try it for yourself. However, if you ever see it about, make sure you pick it up. It makes for unbelievable reading. I truly, truly hope I've played with your conscience.

Thomas Trouble

Crunk Interview

2007-07-14T12:16:00.001Z

Arguments. We've all had them. One minute you're the best of pals, the next, you're gently knocking your supposed mate about with a tyre iron. Luckily for hip hop artists, they can settle arguments a different way; musically. In this exclusive interview with rising Crunk star, Gillie Da Kid, Behind The Scenes gets to the bottom of 'beef'.

Check www.ruffhousing.podomatic.com to hear it.

Stop Your Business

2007-07-08T21:26:00.000Z

we don't want a war. we only want a peace.

5 Songs I’d Rather Listen to then bother fixing my fucked up draft blog

2007-07-05T11:29:00.000Z

Transforming procrastination into a situation similar to a career, I am now listing a series of songs I would rather waste my time with then do anything productive. I am not saying that listening to music is not productive. I am just saying that I am only doing it to prevent myself doing anything more constructive.

Devo – Uglatto (Hardcore Devo Vol. 1 74-77)

Probably because Devo mention Esperanto in it and that means it makes me happy.

James Brown – Think (Live at the Apollo 1962)

It reminds me of how good it feels to be a bad boy sometimes.

Wu-Tang Clan – Ice Cream (Live at XM Radio with El Michels Affair)

“gimme your number
Your sexy persuasive ta-ta's and thighs
Catch my eyes like highs, I want your bodily surprise
Double dime some time, Ice Cream you got me fallin out
like a cripple, I love you like I love my dick size
ooh baby I miss you, your sweet tender touches
take pulls off the dutches, orgasm in my mindstate
masterbate in your clutches, I want you for self
like wealth, so play me closely”

Brentford All Star – Greedy G (Soul Jazz Records Presents 100% Dynamite; Ska, Soul, Rocksteady & Funk in Jamaica)

There has never been a simpler tune that has given me more pleasure then this one.

The Fall – In My Area (Dragnet)

When ever I listen to this song it always reminds me how the public urinals down the road where turned into and Italian deli. So now where all the punks stuffed junk Pounces now sip big slick.

Coming Soon!

2007-06-28T02:33:00.000Z

This is going to be like the worst conversation you never had.

Radio 4 Charles Bukowski Interview

2007-06-23T02:19:00.000Z

Plath, Berryman, Larkin, Archer; all fabulous poets with intensely tumultuous minds. Poetry is boring and weird, but women and gays seem to like it. Ruffhousing presents from the Behind The Scenes archives, an exclusive from 1994. An interview with poet Charles Bukowski shortly before he passed away.

Check the Ruffhousing podcasts or player above to hear it innit.

Top 10 Sad Songs

2007-06-10T21:06:00.000Z

If you watch television – or work in advertising – you will probably have the noticed the irritatingly chirpy brand of happy, kooky music that features on a great deal of current commercials. iPod adverts contain toe-shuffling, hat-fidgeting silhouettes gyrating wildly to the sort of empty, sunny, world funk that remains on rotation in Giraffe Restaurants, and T Mobile (or is it Orange?) present us with tousled-haired, ethnically diverse 'mates' falling out of each other's jacket sleeves over a song about 'snapping turtles' and 'psychedelic squid' that makes Phoebe Bouffet sound about as quirky as Dido.

Now, as an intensely bitter man, there are a lot of things that annoy me - Facebook, Fearne Cotton, people who use the phrase 'monged out' – but this constant tirade of happy music has struck a particularly sensitive chord with me, as I am a firm believer that, when it comes to music; the sadder, the better. So, with this in mind, Ruffhousing is proud to present, the top 10 sad/depressing songs!

1. Daniel Johnston – Tears Stupid Tears

Now, what list of sad songs would be complete without everyone's favourite weepy Beatles Fan, Danny J? Of all Johnston's sad songs – and there are many – this is, I think, the most poignant; pretty much every line is loaded with more poetic sorrow than the diary of your average fat female teen. Just a smattering of some of the best/saddest lyrics: “time is a matter of fact/and it's gone and it'll never come back/and mine is wasted all the time”; “I got lucky by coincidence”; “tie my brain into a knot/those tears, stupid tears bring me down”. Yes, this is the song to play to get any party (if by 'party' you mean 'mass suicide') started!

2. Cat Stevens – Trouble

You don't get more depressing than this. While Cat may have the Christian name of a domestic pet, he also has the troubled mind of a recently-bereaved schizophrenic Smiths-fan who's just rented 'Schindler's List'. Haunted vocals and fantastically sombre lyrics make up this forlorn ode to the 'trouble' that constantly dogs (semi-pun not intended) Stevens. Each line seems to be building towards a terrible end - from “I've seen your eyes/I can see death's disguise hanging on me” to “I'm beat and torn/shattered and tossed and worn/too shocking to see” - until, at the very end of the song, our battered protagonist claims, “I don't want no fight, and I haven't got a lot of time”. Elliot Smith also covered this, and he was hardly a barrel of laughs, was he?

3. Jonathan Richman – True Love Is Not Nice

Some of the best sad songs are the ones that come out of nowhere. When artists like Daniel Johnston or Elliot Smith come out with a tear-jerker or a wrist-slasher, it may be deeply upsetting, but it's also thoroughly expected. That's why number 3 on our list has such an impact, for Jonathan Richman is not the sort of singer that usually does 'sad'. A huge departure from his normal musings on creepy crawlies, flightless birds and supermarket yetis, 'True Love Is Not Nice' is the perfect Anti-Love Song; very quiet, very tired, and packed with lines like 'Pain, pain pain/ain't that just love's name' which seem designed to warn the listener not to risk the kind of hurt that Richman must have experienced.

4. Nico – These Days

Ah, good old Nico. They don't make them like this any more. Voice of a torture chamber, demeanour of a drunken Nazi; you just don't get that from Lily Allen or Joss Stone. Anyway, ironically enough, this song is taken from the happiest of all Nico's albums, 'Chelsea Girl', but while the peaceful twittering of the musical backing may suggest T Mobile advert material, the lyricism (courtesy of Jackson Browne) is far bleaker. This song is the story of wasted opportunities and bitter – yet accepted – regret; Nico sings, “these days I seem to think a lot/about the things that I forgot to do”. The lyrics capture the exact moment that she gives up on any chance of happiness, claiming “I stopped my dreaming” and “I had a lover/I don't think I risk another, these days”.

5. Bob Dylan – The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll

This song is a good one to have on this list as it proves that not all sad songs have to be self-indulgent. On '...Hattie Carroll', Dylan relates a story he read in the paper about a young, rich white man (William Zantzinger) who was “doomed and determined to destroy all the gentile” by murdering an old, poor black woman (Hattie Carroll) for “no reason”. The amount of detail we get on each character (and particularly the focus on Hattie Carroll and her young children) is inspired in creating such a real sense of how terrible this act was, and the final line of the chorus - “bury the rag deep in your face, for now is the time for your tears” - is more sad and powerful than Sylvia Plath in an armoured car.

6. Xzibit – Carry The Weight

Now, this is the only hip hop song on the list, and I know what you are thinking: “where the hell is that fish-obsessed crybaby, Ghostface?”. Well, to be honest, though Tony Starks loves a good weep, I don't think he can touch Mr X to the Z for sheer depression on this track. “I was at the funeral when it all began”, claims Xzibit within the first few lines of 'Carry The Weight', and it becomes immediately clear that this won't be one of his club tracks. He goes on to narrate what essentially reads like an NSPCC case study of a bad childhood – at age 13, X notices “me and my sister were getting treated like shit”, “physical contact was in the form of a slap” and that he would “forever be hit with anything in reach”. Not so lachrymose now, are you Ghostface? In fact, you probably don't know what 'lachrymose' means.

7. The Moldy Peaches – Nothing Came Out

I recently discovered that Carl Barat - of Dirty Pretty Things and formerly of The Libertines - likes The Moldy Peaches and this fact alone is reason enough to feel sad while listening to them. However, despite the fact it is made by a band championed by a cunt, 'Nothing Came Out' really is a great sad song in the most uncomplicated way. It has all the ingredients: lo-fi backing, a girl with a tearful voice and unrequited love as subject matter. The standard, the template, the stock sad song.

8. Mr Bungle – Pink Cigarette

This one, like Nico's 'These Days', has all the initial aural hallmarks of a happy song. The musical backing to the verse is all excited whispering and delicate pianos, but when the chorus comes in, the song takes a much darker turn, both lyrically and sonically. Mike Patton's voice takes the shape of a ghost impersonating Elvis Presley, as he relates a beautifully potent tale of love lost: “I found a pink cigarette/on your bed the day that you left/how could I forget that your lips were there/your kiss goes everywhere/touching everything, but me”. Similarly to Cat Stevens' 'Trouble', above, this song ends with a hint (albeit slightly less ambiguous than Stevens') at suicide, as Patton claims, “it's just one hour left until you'll find me dead”. Classic depressing stuff.

9. Skip James – Hard Luck Child

Well, clearly the blues had to be represented here (in fact, if you wanted to be anal about it, the whole list would be made up of blues songs) and Skip James' 'Hard Luck Child' narrowly beats Blind Lemon Jefferson's tale of losing his mother on 'Black Snake Moan' because, although Jefferson is motherless, sightless and named after a citrus fruit, he does not – as Skip does – have the “devil everywhere I go”. Not only does James have to deal with Satan himself popping up whenever he's at a bus stop, a church fete, or even on the loo, but he also manages to cram some unrequited love business (a textbook sad song inclusion) into this track, claiming, “she used to be my girl/look who got her now”.

10. Tom Waits – Trampled Rose

What better way to end this list than with a bit of Waits? His voice (which he obtained through 50 cigarettes a day and a pint of gravel before bed) may sound great over sloppy, broken jazz and sea-shanties, but it is on sad songs that it really achieves full potential. He sounds as if it is actually hurting him to sing this song, and the lines themselves are so brilliantly melancholic; Waits claims, “I know this rose/like I know my name/the one I gave my love/it was the same/now I find it in the street/a trampled rose”. Furthermore, his cracked wail after each chorus – like a drunken distress call – is the depressed cherry on top of this bleak, heart-broken cake.

The Importance of Being John

2007-05-27T17:54:00.000Z

“I have known several Jacks, and they all, without exception, were more than usually plain. Besides, Jack is a notorious domesticity for John! And I pity any woman who is married to a man called John. She would probably never be allowed to know the entrancing pleasure of a single moment's solitude.” (Gwendolen, Act One: 'The Importance of Being Earnest' by Oscar Wilde)

Oscar Wilde knew a great deal about a great many things, and his wit and wisdom can be found in nearly every form of literary prose: novels, plays, those little books of humourous quotes you pick up in the queue at Waterstone's, then you put down again because you think 'I'll never actually read this', but then you end up buying in the end because you've already spent quite a lot and you think 'well, £1.99 more isn't going to kill me, and even if I don't read it, it'll make a good stocker filler for a nephew or the child of a distant friend'. My point is that, while there may have been very little that Oscar didn't know, his views on the name 'John' – as expressed through the character Gwendolen in this quote from 'The Importance of Being Earnest', above – could not be more misguided.

The name John (and its many variations – Jon, Jonathan, Johnny, Neil) carries with it a musical legacy that goes beyond the obvious candidates (John Lennon, Jon Bon Jovi, Johnny Cash, Neil Morrissey) and includes some of the most underrated artists and musicians ever known.

MOZART

The year 1756 saw the first recorded intertwining of great music and the name John with the birth of composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, originally christened Johnk Amadeus Mozart (as is common in all Austrian names, the 'K' is silent). Mozart's parents, Kakkka and Ekkkkek, decided shortly after young Johnk's first musical composition (aged just 3) that his name “wasn't punchy enough” to get noticed in the burgeoning Viennese scene, and had him re-christened at age 4 under the name 'Wolfgang'.

This event had deep-seated psychological effects upon the composer and right up until his death in 1791, Mozart was still unable to look anyone called John directly in the eye, unless they were female.

JONATHAN RICHMAN

From these shameful origins, the name John has gone on to belong to some of the finest musicians of the previous century and they have all publically acknowledged their debt and gratitude. Jonathan Richman has been quoted in various interviews as saying that he owes his talent solely to his first name, and – at a concert in 1970 - Creedence Clearwater Revival's John Fogerty famously ordered anyone not called John to leave the arena immediately and drown themselves in the nearest well.

JOHN HOLT

However, despite the glory attached to it, the name has a shady past. In the mid-seventies – at the peak of roots reggae's success – the name John provoked dark and terrible events within the genre so famous for promoting peace and love. On the evening of March 16th, 1976, Johnny Clarke, Johnny Osbourne and Johnny Moore (three of reggae's most prominent Johnnys) kidnapped rising roots star John Holt outside his Kingston home. For three days and three nights, Holt was held against his will by the three men, who – driven insane with resentment at the simplicity of his classic version of the sacred title – threatened to commit acts upon his body unless he joined them in adding an 'ny' to the end of his first name. By the fourth day, Holt – bruised, starving and missing a kidney – surrendered to his captors' wishes and became 'Johnny'. He continued to record and release material but his record sales were badly affected as consumers found the name change 'too complicated', and within 6 months, he was dropped from his label.

While the 'ny' suffix didn't work for Holt (he turned to drink and was found dead in a bar in 1981 after a fist fight with a hen), it has been commercially viable for many other musical Johnnys; Cash, Rotten, Thunders, Marr to name but a few.

So, there you have it: while Oscar Wilde would have us believe that the name 'John' has “very little music to it at all”, the list of classic artists bearing the name proves him very, very wrong.

Some notable musical Johns:

John Coltrane, Johnny Clarke, Jonathan Richman, Johnny Cash, John Frusciante, Johnny Thunders, John Hartford, John French (drummer of Captain Beefheart's Magic Band), Johnny Osbourne, John Holt, John Lee Hooker, John Lennon, John Mayall, John Fogerty, Johnny Marr, Johnny Moore, Johnny Mathis, John Cale.

Top 5: Hip Hop Concept Albums

2007-05-14T20:19:00.000Z

Right, there hasn’t been a Top 5 on ruffhousing for a while and this particular one has always been a subject of lukewarm debate for us middle class white individuals – the Top 5 hip hop concept albums.

Now you could say all hip hop albums are concept albums of sort – the concept being guns and bitches. But then you’d probably be an utter cunt, having a slow, tearful wank whilst listening to The View… Over the years there have been some damn fine hip hop albums that have managed to hold down a ‘thought provoking’ concept over the length of a Long Player… here are my favourite/the best –

1. De La Soul – 3ft high and rising (Tommy Boy, 1989)

Now to be perfectly honest with you this isn’t a concept album at all, but every twat and his brother says it’s the first hip hop concept album. The reason for this is the loose radio station quiz theme that pops up between tracks but there isn’t a theme running through the tracks and not even a presenter to intro them. So basically it isn’t a concept album, right? Good! And anyway, too much as already been written about this album…

Well, what a start eh? I’ve just started a list of hip hop concept albums with an album that I don’t even consider to be one – oh how enigmatic of me…it doesn’t matter though as it forms a lovely link to the next one in the list, which is quite clearly the greatest hip hop concept album of all time…

2. Prince Paul – Prince Among Thieves (Tommy Boy, 1999)

Oh yes peeps! When it comes to ticking boxes of what makes a concept album this one ticks them all – what those boxes are though, I have no idea, but let’s just consider them ticked.

The album tells the story of Tariq (Breezly Brewin) and True (Big Sha). Tariq is trying to get a demo ready to show to the Wu and needs the cash to do it, so True helps him out with a slice of his hustle. But are his good deeds fuelled by a veiled jealousy? Oh the drama! Oh the suspense! Oh the beats! Yes yes, y’all, the beats are fucking killer! Prince Paul is an all time classic-hero-mega-producer in the same vein as Primo, Dr Dre etc, and even he out does himself here. There really isn’t a weak beat on the album. They all bounce like mad with the Prince’s own idiosyncratic style, and couple this with the insane cast he ropes in to assist it really is creamy boxers time (or sticky knickers time if you own a fanny). Notable cameo’s come from Everlast (who lays down as awesome verse as a racist bent cop), Big Daddy Kane (who plays the awesome pimp, Count Mackula, ‘If you got 36 prostitutes and 30 cents in yo pocket, what you got? Proof that ho’s come a-dime-a-dozen, baby’) and De La Soul (as a bunch of crackheads).

If you listen to any album that Prince Paul has been involved in you’ll know his (sometimes very annoying) love of skits and this album is where he gets all those funny little things off his chest in one big ball of absolutely peerless hip hop story telling phlegm – a stone cold certified classic!

3. The Goats – Tricks of the Shade (Ruff House, 1992)

‘The Goats? Who are they?’

‘Exactly!’

Well, for a start they aren’t Accrington bloody Stanley! They’re a quality hip hop group from Philly, comprising of a white boy, Latino and a Negro – and with a political bent to-boot! If you haven’t heard them imagine 3rd Bass spitting Public Enemy lyrics over DJ Muggs’ beats – tasty eh?

Tricks of the Shade is the better of their two albums and fortunately enough, for this list at least, happens to be a concept album. The record tells the story of Hanger Head and his big bro (Chicken Little) and their search for Uncle Scam, via Chris Columbus…basically it’s an allegory of how minorities have been fucked by white America from the country’s inception. The beats are sick and bass line driven with lots of nice horn stabs and live instrumentation and such (typical ’92 fayre). While the lyrics and flows are kept to a high standard throughout. This really is a little slept on classic and worthy of inclusion on any hip hop list.

The individual tracks don’t tell the story of the albums protagonists themselves, this is left to the skits, but most of them do cover the themes touched on in the story. In many ways this is a good thing because it allows individual tracks to function in isolation without feeling like unfinished pieces of a story. While also working as a cracking little concept album.

The album’s also on the Columbia subsidiary, Ruff House, which keeps it close to the hearts of the boys here at Ruffhousing…

4. Mr. Lif – I Phantom (Definitive Jux, 2002)

Hmm, Def Jux eh? The home of annoying, whingeing geek rap? Not so peeps and this album is one of several reasons why not; it’s also Mr. Lif’s best album to date.

Now Mr. Lif is an intelligent man, but you should hold that against him. He’s also got a few issues - modern life being one of them. In I Phantom he plays the role of a struggling MC and want-a-way father with a soulless office job. A role he handles with great aplomb.

The beats duties are mainly handled by El-P with contributions from Insight, Edan and Fakts One. This little cast does a great job of creating a dense yet bouncy atmosphere on the album – just what you’d expect from a Lif and El-P helmed project. The final track, ‘Post Mortem’, is definitely worthy of individual mention as it takes a look at the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust, with guest verses from El-P, Jean Grae and Akrobatik.

Even if you don’t generally like Def Jux releases this album is definitely for checking out, as every about it oozes quality and thought.

5. MF Doom – MM Food (Rhymesayers, 2004)

MF Doom – totally surreal and totally badass. The bloke plays by his own roles – more albums a year than most MCs drop in a life time, and under more pseudonyms than there are species of oak (to none arborists, that’s a lot).

This was Mr Dumile’s first album under his MF Doom name since his classic debut, Operation: Doomsday! And although it isn’t in the same league as that it really is a little cracker…oh and if you haven’t already guessed the theme is food…

The first track is called ‘Beef Rapp’ which sets the pace for the rest of the album perfectly…lots of tongue twistingly, bizarre rhymes about food and drink over rugged, banging little beats. Other high lights are ‘One Beer’ and ‘Kon Karne’…mm tasty, oh and the quality single ‘Hoe Cakes’ – ‘Super!’

That is all…

Apart from this…

Honourable Mention: Smut Peddlers – Porn again (Rawkus, 2001)

It does exactly what it says on the tin…

Upon finishing this piece, it has come to my attention that all of these albums also have high quality art work.

That really is all.

STYLEZ OUT

Behind The Scenes: Outsider Music

2007-05-12T19:12:00.000Z

Outsider Music is much like punching a nun in the head; quite funny. In this week's episode of Radio 4's Behind The Scenes, Jonathan Wasteman and the team take a look at the oddball phenomenon that's currently sweeping the music industry.

Check the Ruffhousing podcasts or player above to hear it innit.

Grime Rant

2007-05-08T19:20:00.000Z

It's time people, time for a change.

Grime, it's out there but it's quite simply not in here...

...my bedroom that is. Well there is some but no way near enough. I want albums people, motherfucking albums! Not shoddily put togther mixtapes with a few verses taped off the radio or supposed 'exclusives'...give me albums!

Now I don't wanna start naming names because you know who you are, and I know for a fact mans like Tinchy read this shit...but why can't you all me more like Dizzee or Roll Deep? Hell, do a Wu-Tang and shake things up with some revolutionary deals, cus this self released stuff just doesn't really cut it. I mean look at Sway, he was supposed to be 'IT' and all that saved him from total embarassment was distribution - so at least sort that out. Do you know how much grime is commercially available outside of London? - Not much...thank god for Channel U and the internet!

Here's my challenge to 90% of grime acts with actual talent - put down your blunts, put down your gun fingers, quit 'shottin' to your boys and start actually gettin' you arse to this 'grind' you're always on about! Make a cohesive album, an album with themes beyond the stereotypical scope - that I can't even be bothered to go into - put on your sunday best and sell it (and yourself - obviously without compromising your 'artistic integrity') to a label. Please, even if its just so I can listen to it...

Rant over (well it's not really, I had to cut it short cus my laptop was suffering and I didn't want to start any beef...)

STYLEZ OUT

Buju Banton Interview

2007-05-06T15:43:00.001Z

Reggae Dancehall legend Buju Banton is given a grilling about the genre's violent reputation by Radio 4 & Behind The Scene's Simon Bumbaclart

Take a look at the Ruffhousing podcast site to hear it: www.ruffhousing.podomatic.com

Behind The Scenes: Hip Hop

2007-04-14T18:50:00.000Z

Hip, hop, the beat don't stop.

But sometimes it has to. It can't go on for ever. In this week's episode of Radio 4's 'Behind The Scenes', Jonathan Wasteman and the team take a trip across the pond to look at the past, present and future of hip hop music.

Check the Ruffhousing podcast site (or player on this page) to hear it.

i'm on the road like lines that are yellow

2007-03-31T18:50:00.000Z

THE MOVEMENT DOCUMENTARY

If you've had to sit through any of the films that make up Peter Jackson's multi Oscar-winning Lord Of The Rings trilogies, you'll know that they are all pretty long. 'The Return of the King' is the longest of the three, clocking in at a seat-fidgeting 201 minutes (nearly three and a half hours). However, the length of the running time is more than justified by the amazing special effects, fantastic scripts and stories and the superb appearances from a host of Hollywood A-Listers, including Elijah Wood, Liv Tyler, Viggo Mortensen and Sir Ian McKellen.

The Movement Documentary is the same length, has no special effects, no script, story or coherent sense of structure and features mainly Ghetto, Scorcher and Wretch 32.

While this comparison may seem like a tenuous one, it is important because as much as I like The Movement – particularly Ghetto – they are demonstrating what can only be described as child-like optimism in hoping that anyone would be interested in watching them go about their day-to-day business for this length of time.

Having said that, there are some entertaining moments on this DVD; the Boy Better Know freestyle features some particularly impressive bars from Ghetto, Wiley and Skepta, and Mercston and Ghetto's tour of Bow has some funny bits too. The inclusion of so many music videos is a nice bonus and the footage from the making of The Streets' 'Prangin' Out' remix, in which every MC - apart from the typically business-minded Skepta - has left it until the day of recording to write their lyrics, becomes funnier and funnier the longer it seems to take (Ghetto claimes at one point, “it's not a good look, cos we've been writing these bars for four hours”), coming to its comic climax when Frisco arrives, stating - “I've only got two lines so far, so I'm getting back in the lab right now”. We can only assume that he is referring to a metaphorical 'lab', as he remains where he is sat and carries on writing.

Basically, this DVD has all the right elements but they're just never put to proper use. For example, during the section on Scorcher's release day from prison, we get a good couple of minutes of motorway scenery en route, we get Wretch telling us how early they've all had to get up and we get the boys having trouble finding a parking spot. The only thing we don't get is the moment when Scorcher actually comes out of prison. There's a cut and, suddenly, he's out and we're walking back to the car.

This sense of anticlimax sums 'The Movement Documentary' up pretty completely, to be honest. Despite the quality - and personality - of the major players (Wretch, Scorcher and [especially] Ghetto are all excellent MCs and lyrically they're leagues ahead of most of their peers) this DVD drags terribly towards the end and the fact that there is so little actual rapping or freestyling is a real let-down. The Movement have the talent to be one of the best grime groups around but they need to understand that this doesn't make their every move must-see entertainment. Let's hope they can do better on Volume Two; they undoubtedly have the potential to.

A Quick One While He's Away... The Third Hand

2007-03-21T18:42:00.000Z

This is just a quick one cus i'm a busy man...

RJD2 has always been plagued with DJ Shadow comparisons and his new album ain't gonna do him any favours. Although Shadow's album was all over the place it still had some great tracks on it (particularly the hyphy ones), even the indie guitary/singer tracks...and that's where RJ flaps it...

Looking at this three solo albums in context you can tell Since We Last Spoke was a transistional piece to his new full singer-songwriter over hip hop-lite beats style...and it ain't really a good look...

Upon first listen the album comes over as 'interesting' and there's a hope that the songs will grow on you - unfortunately that don't seem to be happening. They're just too weak and his voice is simply too meek and shrill to hold your attention properly. The beats aren't really a saving grace either, and this is mainly cus he's gone and fucked off his samples. Now for a man that is an badboy manipulator of other peoples breaks this is a risk and it doesn't really pay off. You can understand him wanting to prove he can write his own stuff but if you go the whole hog you gotta come correct - that shit's gotta be provocative B! Fair do's he can play a few instruments but there are problems that let his music down - mainly that he doesn't play them very well...a lot of the time he throws in a chord that just sounds off or that seems like a poor choice as you can hear another chord in your head working far better...

Basically it seems RJ is an ambitious man but at the mo this skills don't match his vision. Maybe he'll have found his feet with his new style on his next album but on this one he definitely flaps the crisps. I mean it ain't that bad but its hard to give an album that you merely find 'interesting' repeated listens, you've gotta really like the shit - ya gets?

STYLEZ OUT

THE RUFFHOUSING GUIDE TO A GRIME CROWD

2007-03-04T13:40:00.000Z

Ask anybody and they'll tell you that the days when grime nights in London were all hats, hoods and hatred are long gone. Ask anybody except Sally Gunnell, that is; she's still clinging to the past like some sort of gangly blond limpet.

Nowadays, thanks to the combined efforts of The Guardian and Mike Skinner, grime music has morphed from that big, bashy thing that came bouncing out of East London council estates to that smaller, slightly less bashy thing that came on in between Lily Allen and The Fratellis on your iPod Shuffle. In other words, grime is just not that 'urban' any more and nowhere is this fact more obvious than at any mainstream club in which the genre gets played. With this new found diversity in mind, Ruffhousing is proud to bring you: THE RUFFHOUSING GUIDE TO A GRIME CROWD.

1. THE RUDEBOY.

THE LOOK: The basic look encompasses a black New Era hat and a black hoodie. Those feeling ambitious will add dark glasses, a deerstalker and possibly trousers and/or pants.
THE TUNE: Something terrible featuring a sped-up vocal sample produced by a friend of his cousin's. You won't have heard it. Check his myspace: www.myspace.com/friendofmycousins. He's gonna blow this year, apparently.
WHERE CAN YOU FIND HIM?: Usually standing either at the very back or at the very front and scowling. Most aim to be standing behind the MCs looking moody at some point during the evening. You can never – NEVER – find him dancing.
WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?: The Rudeboy – along with The Blogger (see below) – represents one of the only two groups of people here that actually LIKE grime; therefore, his reason for being here is perhaps the purest of all: he wants to listen to the music. He is in no way here to cause trouble and just wants to hang out with his friends, have a drink and listen to the tunes. However, he was a little peeved at having to pay the full ticket price to get in; as he tried to explain to the bouncer, he once played squash with Jammer's brother-in-law's chiropodist.

2. THE BLOGGER.

THE LOOK: A t-shirt or hat with the name and web address of his/her blog is an absolute fashion essential for The Blogger. Aside from this, probably something fairly similar – if not slightly less garish – than what the Shoreditch Cunt (see below) is rocking.
THE TUNE: Something pretty obscure. Admitting to liking Dizzee Rascal or Lady Sovereign or anybody with any actual talent who has sold more than 13 records is the social equivalent of hugging a toaster in a bath full of poison for the average Blogger. A download-only remix or an exclusive Rinse FM freestyle would be the perfect candidates but, failing that, something like a bit kooky like 'Nintendo' by Skepta or 'Computer Girls' by Lee Brasco would suffice.
WHERE CAN YOU FIND HIM?: Outside, sharing a Lambert & Butler, bitching about the other bloggers that have turned up and referring to Skepta and Wiley as if they were Biblical figures. A typical conversation between two bloggers is demonstrated below:

Blogger 1: Can you believe Blogger 3 is here tonight?
Blogger 2: I know. He's such a dick. You know his real name? Richard!
Blogger 1: Richard! That's rubbish! (Pause) What's yours?
Blogger 2: John.
Blogger 1: Oh, well that's all right. But Richard?! His blog's shit too. You know he claimed that Wiley interview was an exclusive?
Blogger 2: That SO wasn't an exclusive. I was there when the guy from Vice was doing it. Wiley actually brushed past me. Touched my shoulder.
Blogger 1: Wow. Skepta once looked at me. Or at least, looked directly to the left of me.

(Blogger 3 comes over.)

Blogger 3: Alright? Can you believe Blogger 4's here tonight?
Blogger 1: I know. He's such a dick. Do you know his real name?

WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?: Besides wandering around taking photos and simultaneously trying to get his hat/t-shirt into other peoples' photos, he is listening for any gossip, anecdotes or exclusive tracks that he might be able to mention on his blog. The Blogger considers himself a 'journalist' – and will introduce himself thus; however, he fails to take into account the fact that real journalists tend to write reviews longer than 100 words and rarely refer to themselves in the third person three or four times every line. The Blogger is one of the younger members of a grime crowd and, since he almost certainly still lives at home in Muswell Hill with Mum (Designer at the Observer on Sunday) and Dad (Head of BBC4), he has to be leaving before 12pm.

3. THE AMATEUR FASHION DESIGNER.

THE LOOK: Like The Blogger, a night out for The Fashion Designer doesn't mean an enjoyable time, it means hardcore promotion of her brand. Thus, she will always attend not only dressed entirely in her own creations but also flanked by two or three friends draped in her handiwork. She is – as her name suggests – not a professional designer and this fact is more than evident when you see what she and her companions are wearing; the most demure of the bunch has on star-framed Elton John sunglasses, a leotard with a lightning bolt through it and a crimson bum-bag, while she herself has gone for a necklace made of thoughts and has strapped a live hen to her groin as a make-shift cummerbund.
THE TUNE: Like The Blogger, she will favour the kooky, computer-gamey side of grime. However, unlike The Blogger, she actually knows very little about the music, so her choice will probably be either 'Eskimo' by Wiley, 'I Luv U' by Dizzee Rascal or 'Happy Days' by Ears. She would never admit it, but 'Brown Eyes' by Kano makes her spine go all tingly.
WHERE CAN YOU FIND HER?: Again, like The Blogger, she will spend the evening attempting to squeeze herself, her cronies and her garish garments in front of every lens in the building. For the most part, she and her crew will be on the dancefloor, simulating mild epileptic fits around the same handbag.
WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE?: As I mentioned in the introduction to this piece, grime is currently quite trendy (although it is becoming increasingly less so) and thus it is the perfect place to show off her clothes; a very cheap catwalk, if you will. She is here, not to have a good time and enjoy herself, but to make sure that in every photo she looks like she is having a good time and enjoying herself. In the toilets, she wonders to herself when everything went so badly wrong, and concludes that it was probably around the time Dad left to go and live with Neil – the man from number 32. Then she dabs her eyeliner and heads back out.

4. THE SHOREDITCH CUNT.

THE LOOK: Glam fop meets urban simpleton. His hair is delicately askew and his thick black rimmed glasses are not only entirely unnecessary but are also doing his 20-20 vision a great deal of harm. He drapes a purple or lime green zip-up hoodie over an ironic T-Shirt; possibly the N.W.A. Version (“Ice Cube & MC Ren & Dre & Eazy”) of the the block lettered Beatles (“John & Paul & George & Ringo”) top. Or maybe something with a Disney or Nintendo character on it. He has ripped, skinny jeans and battered Converse. Inside, he is dead.
THE TUNE: The Shoreditch Cunt is into grime predominantly because he finds it humorous. This means that potential favoured artists will include Tempa T, Bruza and Mr Wong; however, Jammer's 'Murkle Man' undoubtedly takes first prize here.
WHERE CAN YOU FIND HIM?: Right at the front. The Shoreditch Cunt is the most excitable member of any grime crowd as, while both the Rudeboys and the Bloggers probably know more about the music than him, he is far more willing to make a tit of himself. Despite his enthusiasm for the songs, the Shoreditch Cunt will, at certain moments, prove himself to be a little behind the times. For example, he may roll the 'r' on a 'brrrap' (a la Klashnekoff), not realising that this is just simply no longer done, or – at worst – he may even use the word 'Boo!': an act so cripplingly embarrassing that it will cause the Blogger to fall immediately into the nearest available well.
WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?: This is a good question. The Shoreditch Cunt's fascination with grime music is most probably borne out of his subscription to Vice Magazine; a publication that has been simultaneously promoting and mocking grime music for a long time now. However, once he had been to a few nights, it became difficult to stop as he realised that – quite suddenly and without any warning – grime had become his 'thing'. He'd go to parties and people would introduce him as being 'well into grime'; he'd walk down Old Street and people who'd been at the same nights as he had would give him a respectful nod; his Aunt bought him Flirta D's new mixtape. Now the fates had decided that grime was his quirky little eccentricity, it would mean social suicide to stop turning up at the nights that championed it. However, his major problem – and darkest secret – is that, apart from the comedians like Jammer and Wong, he actually finds grime a bit... well, shit.

5. THE NOVICE.

THE LOOK: Terrified/Bewildered.
THE TUNE: He's got all three albums by The Streets and he borrowed 'Boy In Da Corner' from a mate in order to copy it. He quite likes Lady Sovereign and once heard Kano's name mentioned at a bus stop. When asked his favourite grime tune, he will probably respond with either 'Fix Up Look Sharp' by Dizzee or 'Blinded By The Lights' by The Streets, although neither of these songs can really be classified as grime. He's more into indie, to be honest; like, have you heard Kasabian's new stuff?
WHERE CAN YOU FIND HIM?: By the bar or right at the back. In fact, you're most likely to find him by the bar because the Rudeboys wearing the biggest scowls tend to be right at the back. He gets there too early and leaves within an hour – hour and a half, tops.
WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?: He is asking himself the same question. He now deeply regrets the moment last week when he said to his friend, “Man, we live in London, but we hardly ever go out and see new and exciting stuff”. He regrets the millisecond in which his friend saw the Observer's Music Section had been left open and noticed a piece on something called 'Grime'. More than anything, he regrets wearing his Toploader t-shirt; it doesn't seem to be going down well at all. Although, The Shoreditch Cunt is giving him an approving nod.

So there you have it. Now get down to a grime night and see them in the flesh.

Trouble

Don't Make Me Switch Flows And Get Dark

2007-02-25T21:04:00.000Z

Dennis Norden once said, “Versatility is the key to success”. Despite the fact that I made this up – Norden has never, to my knowledge, said that – he still makes a good point, and nowhere is it more profound than in music. The artists that demonstrate the ability to switch between different styles, emotions, personas and sounds are, more often than not, the ones that are the most captivating. David Bowie, Captain Beefheart, Michael Jackson and Ween are all good examples of acts that have consistently chopped and changed the way they sound, although the real benchmark for musical versatility was undoubtedly set by The Yin Yang Twins, who have written lyrics about both strippers AND pole-dancers.

In this post, I will be examining two very different artists who I think display the greatest breadth in terms of emotional and sonic variety: Sizzla Kalonji – the turban-toting, Babylon-scorning Bobo Ashanti figurehead – and Nico – the sad-eyed, flaxen-haired friend of the Velvet Underground.

SIZZLA

Anyone who knows anything about reggae (if you bought beads in Thailand before beginning your BA in Social Anthropology at Sussex, I'm talking to you) knows that the genre is split roughly into two categories. On one side, there's the peaceful, melodic roots music championed by Bob Marley, Johnny Clarke, The Mighty Diamonds, Cornel Campbell et al. The guys on this side are primarily concerned with spreading love, praising Jah, staying away from barber shops and promoting marijuana. On the other, there's the furious, bass-driven bastard child of the Sleng-Teng Riddim: dancehall. The stars of this movement (Ninjaman, Bounty Killer, Cutty Ranks etc) concentrate their worries around the destruction of Babylon, the destruction of chi-chi men, the destruction of rival MCs, destruction in general and promoting marijuana. While you could certainly argue that there is a need for a third, slightly smaller, category to encapsulate the deejay stylings (and marijuana promotion) of U Roy, I Roy, Roy Hattersley and all the other Roys that many would claim helped give birth to rap music, generally speaking, reggae can usually be split into two very simple sections: violent and non-violent.

There are very few artists who can produce songs that fit neatly into both these categories and Sizzla is by far the best of them. On tracks like 'Be Strong' and 'Just One Of Those Days', his voice fluctuates between broken falsetto and sweet, heavy sorrow; his lyrics carry concious messages of warning and love. On 'Clean Up Your Heart', he pleads, “Be not hypocrite amongst yourselves, African daughters and sons”, and on 'Thank You Mama' he marvels at his own mother's bravery, claiming “no-one knows the pressure you bear, just only you”.

These songs are so brilliant; so raw and sad and spiritual that you can hardly believe it is the same person when you hear Sizzla over a dancehall riddim. Any trace of love or beauty is pushed swiftly aside as his voice becomes almost incomprehensible; a guttural, hate-fuelled growl. Similarly, the positive, concious thoughts expressed on tunes like 'Where Are You Running To' and 'Thank You Mama' make way for the kind of mindless violence that would make Ice Cube blush. On 'To The Point', Kalonji talks of chopping Pope Paul's head off and “bunning out” Queen Elizabeth in the same verse. This is the same person who, on 'Be Strong', expresses hope that his friend is “behaving himself like a good-behaving citizen”; this is hypocrisy at its most ridiculous, but it sounds fucking incredible. While the signals that Sizzla is sending out on these, his more rowdy tracks, are almost comical in their vicious negativity, they are consistently compelling; when he you hear him promise, on 'Ready Fi Di Road', to “buss up them head and kick them with me Clark's Wallabys”, it is almost impossible to resist a gun finger, even on public transport.

So, despite his hypocrisy, homophobia, and burning desire to “bun” old Lizzie the Second, Sizzla is by far and away the most versatile (and, in my humble opinion, best) reggae artist ever. There is, I think, only one other performer who matches his musical breadth and variety and that is the Chelsea Girl herself: Nico.

NICO

Nico's versatility is easily demonstrated using just two albums: 'Chelsea Girl' and 'The End'. These albums are, without wanting to sound at all melodramatic, literally like listening to life and death recorded and spread over 10 and 8 tracks respectively. 'Chelsea Girl' is - despite what 'Winter Song' might lead you to believe - an album that sounds like Spring; breezy acoustic guitars flutter in and out of lazy violins, while Nico's voice – fresh and alert – wanders wide-eyed through the strings taking everything in. While there is constantly a darker side present throughout the record (on 'These Days' she claims, “I had a lover/I don't think I risk another these days”), both her vocal tone and her musical backing are never anything but happy, innocent and pure.

'The End' is a different matter altogether. While 'Winter Song' may have warned us against judging a book by its cover, both the title of this album and the Nico we see on the front of the sleeve (moody with black hair rather than moody and blonde on 'Chelsea...') hint correctly that the new-born feeling present throughout 'Chelsea Girl' may not be making an appearance here at all. This album sounds like the end of the world; the cheerful guitars and violins replaced by ghostly organs, skeletal percussion and even - on 'Innocent and Vain' - screaming feedback. Nico's voice, so wondrous and curious on 'Chelsea Girl', seems now to rise out of a chasm; cold, metallic and alien. The difference is astounding.

So, there you have it. Two artists: one fluent in both love and hate, the other capable of capturing both life and death. Surely, with the obvious exception of the Yin Yangs, you cannot get more versatile than this?

Thomas FB Troubledoubledoubledouble.

Caught, Can I Get a Witness?

2007-02-19T21:15:00.000Z

A good sample makes a good hip hop track - an easy rule that is almost always accurate (although how Will Smith managed to butcher ‘Rock the Casbah’ for ‘Willenium’ is beyond me…). Another good rule is that 95% of good hip hop is sample based. So basically without a great musical past to pilfer from hip hop is fucked - proper fucked, like the big rabbit. With this in mind, I would like to share with you what I consider are the most important/creative/best sample based albums of all time. I think you only really need to consider three – you could argue that there are more, and there are, but these three were milestones for the art and nowt else can really touch them…so in chronological order here are the beautiful plates of wax –

1. 3 Feet High and Rising – De La Soul

Probably the first album on any list milestones in sampling, simply because it was the first REAL milestone. I mean you could argue that Grand Master Flash’s Adventures on the Wheel’s of Steel was the first milestone, and you’d have a reasonable point, but loads of DJ’s were doing that shit at the time (maybe not quite as well). That album was more of a summation of block party DJing and an advert for the scratching…not real loop digga shit.

The story of 3 ft is certainly well told so I might aswell tell it again…but with less focus on the songs and more the records used to make them.

Prince Paul, DJ with pioneering hip hop band Stetasonic, hooks up with two and emcees and one DJ that bounced to a slightly different beat than the then crop of rap groups – they called themselves De La Soul. Rough demo’s of tracks such as ‘Potholes…’ were already in the bag but the Prince Among Thieves holed up with De La in their Amityville basement and caned their parents’ record collections, Paul’s records, Disney soundtracks, comedy records, TV shows, basically anything they could nick… It must have been quite exciting because nobody had really strayed too far away from you basic James Brown/funk/jazz sample stock before. The results were bad ass. It’s a cliché but the album is psychedelic. Samples triggered at every turn; killer sampled, not programmed, drums; and just a different sonic feel due to the amount of pop and rock samples thrown into the mix.

This album basically made it ok for everybody to start sampling anything. This was mainly down to the naivety of the De La and, probably more so, the fucking genius of the older and wiser Prince Paul. It was also a hit which made it even more influential as C.R.E.A.M and record companies now had proof that there was more to the music side of hip hop than James Brown. There was another big influence on sampling however – law suits… The Turtles got pissed off when they heard one of their tracks used and so sample law was created and would be a constant thorn in hip hops side from that day on.

There is loads more I could write about this album but to be honest it’s all been said before, so there are its basic achievements which are pretty fucking massive.

2. Paul’s Boutique – Beastie Boys

Straight up fucking funky white boy shit!

I went threw a phase about six years ago of trying to collect every sample used on this album and I must have achieved about 90% of my goal. This meant only one thing – I was fucking broke! There are so many samples used on this record its untrue. I bloody love it man, I really do.

Paul’s Boutique has to be one of the funkiest albums of all time. If 3 ft was a naïve, fresh use of sampling then this was it older (even though they were released in the same year), cooler, slicker brother who was really down with the funk. Musically created by the Dust Brothers for the Beastie Boys to have fun over, this album is a straight up lesson in how use samples with style. Classic funk breaks mixed with some quality crate finds give the album a huge sense of fun…although it isn’t all funk – ‘Sounds of Science’ is built entirely on Beatles samples with some cracking scratching from DJ Hurricane (‘Hurricane, got clout, other DJs, he put ya head out…’) and is still as funky as fuck. Couple all these seamless funky ass beats with three emcees that fired rhymes off each other for fun and you’ve got one hell of an album, which is quite simply essential.

Oh and I haven’t even mentioned the mighty 9 part, near 20 minute hip hop tour de force that is ‘B-Boy Bouillabaisse’. Built on drum machine beats and killer samples like The Isley Brothers ‘That Lady’, it beautifully rounds of the albums amazingly funky, fun mix of beats and rhymes.

3. Endtroducing… - DJ Shadow

Trip hop is a dirty word, and this album single handedly created and destroyed it in one fell swoop. Created it was probably the first instrumental hip hop album of any real quality and destroyed it because it was also by so far the best, that nothing before or since can even sniff its farts without having to ask permission.

Shadow really schooled suckers with his debut long player. As with Paul’s Boutique this album contains an absolute ton of samples, but they are used in a far more subtle manner than that employed by the Dust Brothers - they flow in and out of each other in beautifully layered loops. This album really destroys the stupid ‘sampling is stealing’ line, as Shadow really does create something aesthetically wondrous and new. The album could be described as ‘progressive instrumental hip hop’ but it is best described with the title of another DJ Shadow track – ‘Hardcore hip hop’, for that is quite simply what it is.

It’s not only the way the samples are woven together so well, it’s the crate depth needed to make the album. Put it this way, Mr. Davis owns more than a couple of records and he also makes a point of only sampling from original source vinyl – no reissues or comps, bitches! The samples used cover a vast time period too. Aswell as the obscure funk, jazz and psychedelia you’d expect from such an album, there is also room for snatches of Bjork and even U2 drums. It’s not only this huge open minded palette of source material that makes the album work. It’s also the respect Shadow has for the records and artists he uses – he describes the basement of his favourite record shop as a ‘graveyard of broken dreams’ (or similar words to that effect anyway), and it really shows in the astonishing album he created with them.

So there they are, three milestones in sample based hip hop albums. One innocent, naïve and utterly fun; one funkier than three day old shit and slicker than the Exxon Valdez; and one more beautiful Salma Hayek’s fresh shaven fanny! There are other leaps in sampling out there though, like Double Dee and Steinski’s Lesson series of seminal singles and remixes; or Coldcut’s Journey’s by DJ which was a great mix album. But it’s the three gems above that that showed their producers to be real masters of their art. Enjoy.

STYLEZ OUT

Behind The Scenes: Indie

2007-02-12T21:02:00.000Z

Indie stands for 'Independent'. However, it also stands for 'Pretentious Cunts', and, in this new episode of Radio 4's award-winning 'Behind The Scenes' documentary series on Youth (or 'Youf') Culture (or 'Culture'), Jonathan Wasteman delves deep into the genre that Phillip Schofield called "great!" and Judy Finnegan called "worse than Hitler": INDIE !

Check the Ruffhousing podcast site to hear it.

Hip Hop was invented by white men with beards and sandles - Fact...

2007-01-29T20:02:00.000Z

Firstly I would like to thank Mr Troublesome for his kind welcoming words, I’m truly touched (but you won’t be touching me again good sir. We were drunk, I was emotionally confused and you’re a date rapist…). However I must address the ‘elderly victims’ that were discussed by Sir Trouble. Those pair of centurion bastards tried to bum rush me for the last copy of Gardener’s World so I had to merk their asses – end of…

Right onto business…

'Twat', you were probably thinking after reading the title of this post, but I urge you dear reader, let your eyes scroll on and take in what I have to say - it'll either make you think, 'that boy might just be onto summat there' or just merely reiterate your initial thought…

In the interests of continuity I'm about to lace Ruffhousing with another Top 5. This particular Top 5 is a short explanation of a theory I have been bouncing around for a while - just as James Brown, The Last Poets etc and the urban melting pot that is NYC invented hip hop in the early 70s in the States, it was simultaneously invented in dear old Blighty by a munch of hirsute folk artists...

Right, so here goes my Top 5 reasons/songs/albums of the connection between British folk and hip hop…

1. Rain and Snow – Pentangle

This is the track that started it all off for me. Its all about the moment Terry Cox’s drums drop – they just straight bounce! Basically Pentangle are the seminal folk super group. Their line up of Bert Jansch, John Renbourn, Jacqui McShee, Danny Thompson and Terry Cox is super dope, but you don’t give a fuck about all that folky guitar nonsense do you? No, probably not. But let me tell you about Danny Thompson and Terry Cox, their rhythm section. These boys were Brit jazz bad boys and Bert and John basically pissed of the whole Brit jazz scene by nicking them, but to what boom-bappin’ results! Man they lay down a groove and a half! They swing like monkeys hanging from nooses! Basically peep this track (it’s on a wicked album called Reflection) and try and stop your head from boppin’ when those drums drop. So there’s your beats…

2. Matty Groves – Fairport Convention

Story telling rhymes and violence are big in hip hop but they’ve been big in folk since the middle ages. This is like a folk ‘Children’s Story’ or ‘Love’s gonna get you (material love). Basically, young Matty has been nobbing Lord Donald’s wife and got busted – which is a bit like Jigga catching Bow Wow (fka Lil’ Bow Wow) with his dick all up inside Beyonce. Now Matty ain’t packin’ shit but a pocket knife while Lord Donald be rockin’ two long beaten swords. Instead of getting’ knee deep in some neck wettin’ your Lordship toss’s his best sword to Matty and let’s take the first blow! This doesn’t do shit and Lord Donald slays him where he stands – now that’s both noble and gangsta! Needless to say the woman concerned is a bit peeved at this so Lord Donald merks her ass too – pimpin’ ain’t easy yo! And all this song by Sandy Denny, the MC Lyte of the folk world! A true ghetto/rural story!

This track is available on what may be the all-time classic folk-rock album, Liege and Lief – every record collection should feature a copy. Oh and kick ass drums are featured throughout, especially on ‘Matty Groves’.

3. Sir James the Rose – Steeleye Span

I swear man, Run DMC should have covered this track! This is some proper folk-rock and once again with an utterly gangsta theme – the auburn haired Sir James has offed one of his noble homeboys and there’s a crew on his tale to deliver divine retribution. Guess who Sir James turns to first, one of his old bitches! But the slaughter posse catch up with his ass and stick his head on a spike. The lyrics are delivered from the point of view of the story-teller and Sir James himself, which would be perfect for Run and Daryl or a couple of Beastie Boys to trade-off with each other… And all this is told over some seriously block rocking beats – it seriously wouldn’t surprise me if a break from this track turned up in some unreleased Afrika Bambataa mix…Anyway, this track is on an album called Rocket Cottage (check the hilarious ‘take the title literally’ artwork) which also has a track with a sick drum, bass and violin loop – use it…

4. The Hunting Song – Pentangle

They’re just too dope, are old Pentangle, and this track is so sample-able it’s untrue. In fact UK producer Ghost used it on his debut but not before my brother (TimLowe – www.myspace.com/brummiebeats) had made a far superior version only for it never to see the light of day. Sinister bass, a guitar loop and Terry Cox’s funky drums make this track a proper gem - imagine Wu-Tang in Morris dancing cipher and you’re half-way there…Don’t really wanna go on about this track too much, check the video above recorded for the BBC. Oh, and it’s on an album called Basket of Light.

5. Comus

Well I’ve already mentioned violence but what lies on Comus’s debut album is some Grave Diggaz ultra gore violence shit! A bit like Necro with a Lute…For instance, here is the first verse of the track ‘Drip Drip’ –

You dangling swinging
Hanging, spinning, aftermath
Your soft white flesh turns past me slaked with blood
Your evil eyes more damning than a demon's curse
Your lovely body soon caked with mud
As I carry you to your grave my arms your hearse
You stand before me defenceless
Your stare unchanging silent, cold, intense sears my brain

I don’t think I need say much more…Its just straight gore delivered mover some haunting, tribal folk backing with all kinds or eerie flutes, female backing vocals, spooky violin etc thrown into the mix. The album is called First Utterance and it’s the least funky but most scary of this Top 5 – check it if you’ve got the minerals…

So there you go…check these tracks/albums out and either think I listen to some gay folk, or enjoy the hip hop undertones which a smug ‘we invented these steez time ago’ smile on your face. British folk and hip hop – one and the same mate…no wonder Task Force came out with the Voice of the Great Outdoors EP, all that pixie shit was in their veins…

STYLEZ OUT

'If you like good music..'

2007-01-24T23:28:00.000Z

Then you may wish to download an exclusive mix by one of our residents:

Reecha Presents 'The Ruffhousing Ruff n Tuff party'

Reecha - Lets Make Kyrpnotine
Diplo - Hollertronix 1.5
Scottie B + King Tut - Kill em' in the Club
Uffie - Ready to Uff
Prince - When Doves Cry
Marcos Dos Santos - Not on the Gueslist
Herve - See me
Justice - Let there be Light
The Cars - Just what i needed (Roctakon edit)
Jamelia - Something about you (Mr. Ozio mix)
DJ Ayres - Pitbull v Yaz
Tittsworth - The Jeffresons
Bugz In the Attic - Dont stop the music (switch mix)
Scottie B + King Tut - African Chant
Mekon - Yes Yes Y'all (sinden mix)
Scottie B + King Tut - Call me Al
Low Budget - Whatchooknowaboutthis
Roctakon - Sunglasses at night
Splat Pack - Shake dat Ass
Solid Groove + Sinden - Red Hot
Tiga - Move my body
hijack - hijackin (herve's f*ck f*ck mix)
Double 99 - Ripgroove (Tim Deluxe 2006 mix)
Teki Latex - Disco Dance (Para One mix)
Stevie Knicks - One Winged Dove

Listen/download here

look out for more podcast/mixes- next up Tom Troublesome's top ten tunes to cut yourself to- buy it if you your into Pete Tong/Ibizia

Negativity: The Top 5

2007-01-23T14:09:00.000Z

I would like to begin this post by welcoming the newest member of Team Ruffhousing: Mr Brummie Stylez AKA Lord Lucan.

Stylez came to our attention during a trip up to Birmingham whereupon we noticed him shanking wildly in WH Smith. When he seemed to have calmed down – and the ambulances had dispatched his two elderly victims - we approached him and asked if he was interested in contributing to our blog. His eyes seemed to say 'Yes, absolutely!' but his mouth said 'Fuck off and leave me alone', so we were forced to pursue him along the street for roughly 45 minutes until, eager to get rid of us, he reluctantly agreed.

Now, with his first post under his belt (not literally) he is truly part of the musical/satirical/digital behemoth that is Ruffhousing. Brummie Stylez, we salute you.

Anyway, back to the post in hand. Recently, there has been a great deal written in the media about the negative influence that music may be having on the youth of today. Certainly, with the recent incarceration of grime MC Crazy Titch following his part in the murder of a rival crew member who had 'dissed' his brother, Durrty Goodz, the promotion of gun violence, criminal behaviour and general nastiness has never been more controversial. It is of paramount importance that music celebrating these activities is not encouraged or condoned, especially by young people in the poorer areas of Britain.

However, here at Ruffhousing, we are middle class. I, for example, get my butternut squash from a local farmer's market, take a weekly pilates class and rarely watch ITV1. So, since the media seems to be solely concerned with the effect that violent and unpleasant music may have on the working classes, it is all well and good for us to present to you our top 5 songs promoting dangerous, horrific, deplorable and violent behaviour!

We will be looking at 5 different categories here: Gun Violence, Drugs, Morality, Criminal Behaviour and Sexism/Mistreatment of women. So, come on, let's do this!

1. GUN VIOLENCE

Vybz Kartel – Bus Mi Tool

This category was only ever going to won by a dancehall artist, although The Lighthouse Family's 'Lifted' did get an early look in. 'Bus Mi Tool' is a glorious celebration of all things gat-related. Kartel begins the song by claiming, “me nah trust me mother, nah me father, nah me gyal like how me trust me gun”; an emotion that I think we can all relate to in this fickle age we live in. One of the best aspects of this track is that, unlike so many other gun tunes, Vybz does not – at any point – attempt to apologise for, or condemn, his obvious love of busting shots. From his confession that as “me wake and brush me teeth, me haf fi bus mi gun” to his reminiscing over halcyon days gone by when he had only a “paper gun” to play with, this is truly one man's love letter to a cold, metal killing machine. Much of the song is made up of Kartel's descriptions of various different guns that he owns and from the “day-breaker gun” that his butler brings him in the morning, to “the vagina gun” he uses to “shot” “pussy bwoys”, they are all comedy gold. In fact, during the second verse, Vybz's passion for the humble gat becomes almost too much for him to bear as he cries, “more time me think seh I'm a gun”; this is quite clearly a man on the brink not only of a violent episode, but also of some sort of schizophrenic attack. Say what you will about the negative promotion of gun crime on this track: at least it's negative promotion from the HEART.

2. DRUGS

The Heartbreakers – Chinese Rocks

Drugs, as we all know, are bad. But are they? Are they really? Yes, they are. However, on 'Chinese Rocks', Thunders, Hell et al manage to transform all the dirt, squalor and grime of heroin addiction into a slightly more glamorous and appealing package, without really losing any of the original dirt, squalor and grime. 'The plastic's falling off the wall', sings Richard Hell, “my girlfriend's crying in the shower stall/It's hot as a bitch/I should have been rich/But I'm just lying in a Chinese ditch”. It's all so seedy and sticky and sad but at the same time, there's something very attractive about it; perhaps because, while Hell is essentially complaining about the situation that the 'Chinese Rock' has got him into, he never really expresses any desire in the song to change his ways. This is, quite simply, a fantastic song and it goes a long way towards confirming what we've known all along: taking heroin is a good idea.

3. CRIMINAL BEHAVIOUR

Big L – Lifestylez Of Da Poor & Dangerous

No type of journalistic interpretation of this song could ever do its unapologetic violent brilliance justice so I will simply transcribe it as if it were an interview.

Ruffhousing: What's your name?
L: My name is L
Ruffhousing: Where you from?
L: I'm from a part of town where clowns get beat down and all you hear is gun shot sounds.
Ruffhousing: What happens at night time?
L: At night time, niggas try to tax. They sneakier than alley cats; that's why I carry gats.
Ruffhousing: How would you describe yourself?
L: I'm a motherfucking fugitive. Buck-wild and foul is the lifestyle that I choose to live.

L goes on to explain how he and his friend Chuck use to “stalk the city” essentially robbing and abusing people. The culmination of this anecdote is that, having “stuck a dice game on the Av”, L murders Chuck in cold blood in order to steal his half of the loot. The trend that is appearing throughout all these songs is that, in addition to their horrific depictions of deplorable behaviour, there is very little sense of apology within them. Certainly, this is true of L on 'Lifestylez...'; he claims: “my moms told me to get a job: fuck that... I'd rather do another hit/I want clean clothes/mean hoes/and all that other shit”. God, I love Big L.

4. MORALITY

Grateful Dead – Me & My Uncle

This is a strange one, I know, and essentially, all of the songs on this list could have come under this category. However, it seemed right to have one entry that encapsulated all the negativity we are promoting here and, basically, just celebrated doing the wrong thing, morally speaking. 'Me & My Uncle' really does have it all; gambling, alcohol, cheating, lying, gun violence, greed, theft and the murder of a family member. I know I could have gone with 'Mmm-Bop' by Hanson in order to combine all these elements, but I just prefer the Grateful Dead. Basically, our narrator (who is, I suppose, John Phillips of the Mamas & The Papas, who actually wrote the song) tells of how, having conned, escaped – and murdered – some irate cowboys, he and his uncle “high-tail it down to Mexico”. 'That's not too bad', you're probably thinking; 'that just sounds like a normal Boxing Day to me'. However, greed gets the better of our cowboy (“those cowboys... I love their gold”) and he ends the song by claiming, “I love my uncle... taught me all I know/taught me so well/I grabbed that gold/and I left his dead ass there by the side of the road”. This is so gloriously unethical that it makes Big L's murder of Chuck look positively tame.

5. SEXISM/MISTREATMENT OF WOMEN

CocoRosie – By Your Side

This is another weird category and, to match it, a very weird – and very beautiful - song. While the obvious choices for this category would have been songs like 'Fuck You' by Dr. Dre and 'Domestic Abuse' by RZA, 'By Your Side' has a hauntingly bleak innocence to it that is far more powerful – and negative – than the shouting and leering that traditional hip hop sexism offers. The track is sung by a woman (Bianca) who seems to playing the role of a naïve and desperately downtrodden housewife. She pleads quietly with her man to allow her to be his slave, essentially; “I'll make your bed/And cook your food”, she says and goes on to claim, “I'll never cheat/I'll be the best girl you'll ever meet”. This is basically a woman acting out the traditional male fantasy of what a wife should be; she is meek and subservient and perfectly willing to dedicate her life to making sure that her husband has clean floors, good food and is tucked up warmly in bed. The song takes an even darker turn halfway through as Bianca promises “I'll wear your black eyes/bake you apple pies/I won't ask why... I'll try not to cry”. Clearly, since this song is the creation of two women – and is, most probably, a satirical look at the type of men that this would really appeal to – there is no ACTUAL sexism meant here, but still, it's pretty damn negative and that is what this list is all about!

Anyway, that's it for now. More top 5s coming up shortly. Word to your uncle,

Thomas Troublesome AKA Tha Dubplate Rapist

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day and I'm feeling Hood...

2007-01-22T18:24:00.000Z

Hello dear friends or 'bitches', if you prefer? This is the one and only Brummie Stylez stepping up to the plate to add a new regional voice to the beautiful, yet slightly London-centric, dream-destroyer that is Ruffhousing...

Now as this is my first post I feel it would be ill-advised to immediately front on my boy Trouble but...

Although the post below a truly beautiful piece, I feel I must comment upon it as it appears to mislead somewhat. Yes, More Fish is a good album, but it flows like a bit of an afterthought, a glorified mix-tape if you will (which to all intents and purposes it is, it just hasn’t been marketed as one). Monsieur Stark's previous album Fishscale is superior both lyrically and musically (Just Blaze, MF Doom, J-Dilla etc provide some certified bangers, and Ghost himself pens better tunes and concepts), but also as a cohesive album. I don't wanna waffle on too much about why Fishscale a fucking dope album because I shouldn't really have to, you should own it already...

I do however wanna make a couple of further statements...

- Although Shaun Wigs is pretty fly - for a white guy (sorry, I won't be that gay again - I promise) - his feature track with that total cretin Eamon is utter GASH and somebody should burn the fucker’s toupee collection for it.

- Pokerface is also a bit of a lame cash-in on the subject matters current popularity and I for one expect more the Theodore Unit boys. Dissing over…

Right, having said all this though and appeared to diss the album it is worth a purchase, mainly for the excellent tracks that my colleague has picked out. You should however hand over your hard earned (or easily earned if you have a piss take job) cash to your favourite record emporium for Fishscale and the Theodore Unit album 718 first. Actually, I tell you what get Bulletproof Wallets First too cus 'Theodore', 'Maxine', 'The Forest' and 'Walking through the Darkness' are all hot as fuck...

Oh and to cap off what has been a truly enjoyable first post, I will leave you with another recommendation... If you thought Moorish Delta 7, Yogi, Rukus and the 1's Def and Shade were the only hip hop heroes in the Second City, then check some Brum boys from around my way - TLG (The Lost Generation):

http://www.myspace.com/thelostgen

And one of their sick beatsmiths, Eyebs:

http://www.myspace.com/eyebsbeats

So that's it from me...for now

STYLEZ OUT

More Fish Please

2007-01-22T13:55:00.000Z

'Ghost is back, stretch cadillacs, fruit cocktails'. These aren't my words. Neither are they the words of Micheala Stratton, although you could be forgiven for making that mistake. They are in fact taken from the song 'Apollo Kids' on Ghostface Killah's brilliant 'Supreme Clientele' album, and they are especially fitting here as, not only do I LOVE fruit cocktails, but - more importantly - Ghost is indeed BACK.

'More Fish' is half new Ghostface material and half Theodore Unit promotion and, while I have a lot of time for Trife and the boys, it is Starks who comes off best by far on this record.

This album is, I think, Ghost's most accomplished work since the aforementioned 'Supreme Clientele'. I am, however, in no position to say this as - despite being a huge fan of the Ironman - I have not actually listened to any of his work since the aforementioned 'Supreme Clientele'.

A few years back, after paying actual money (£2.99 in HMV bargain bucket) for the musical abortion that is Cappadonna's 'The Yin and The Yang', I came to the conclusion that far too great a percentage of my record collection harboured the Wu stamp, and I decided to stop buying new Clan solo material. It is for this reason that Pretty Toney, Bulletproof Wallets and Fishscale all passed me by. It is for this reason also that I never got hold of U-God's recent masterpiece 'U-GODZILLA presents The Hillside Scramblers'; a mistake that still keeps me awake at night now.

So, when my fellow Ruffhouser Little Lord Fauntelroy returned from NYC just after Christmas bearing a copy of 'More Fish' - and a worrying genital yeast infection - my initial reaction was one of disinterest and quiet despair; it had taken me a long time to get over 'The Yin and The Yang'. However, Fauntelroy was insistent we give it a listen and, as I thought back to Starks' brilliance on 36 Chambers, Ironman and ...Clientele, I was forced to consent.

This is turning into a longer post than I had intended so, in order to assure its brevity, I will pick what I believe to be the stand-out tracks on this record and talk about them a bit.

1. Ghostface Killah (f/ Sun God) - Street Opera

This is the first time I've heard from Sun God (since the postcard he sent me during his history of art trip to Venice last Autumn) and to be honest, I'm not overly impressed. His rhythmic structure, flow and lyrics are fairly bog-standard and he clearly got his generic Wu alias from the internet 'Wu-Tang Name Generator'. It was probably a toss-up between 'Sun God' and '41st 60 Second Masta Killa Bee Disciple' and Sun God just rolls off the tongue easier. Ghost, on the other hand, is pretty good and the final, conversational verse between the two of them works very well indeed. However, it is the beat that truly makes this song great; a shuddering, wailing lump of soul that provides the perfect soundtrack for a late-night walk home with your hood on your head and a scowl on your face.

2. Ghostface Killah (f/ Redman & Shawn Wigs) - Greedy Bitches

Ghost, as we all know, is a soul man. However, as a quick glance at his attire on the cover of Ironman will confirm, he is also fucking hilarious. He allows his humour to come to the forefront on this track, which opens with Mr Starks bewhaling 'greedy bitches' and claiming 'the hoes ate the Oreos'. He also allows the kind of humanity and maturity he demonstrated on tracks like 'I Can't Go To Sleep' to shine through, as he states, 'And your fat friend you bought, she can crash too/But if your stomach growling hard, I'mma laugh, boo'. Tony Starks is quite clearly all heart. Nice guest spot from Reggie Noble too; he's apparently 'still spending from Red & Meth's sitcom'. He clearly shops at Morrison's.

3. Ghostface Killah (f/ Trife & The Willie Cottrell Band) - Josephine

So, yeah; joking aside, Ghost really is a soul man and this track is the genuine proof. A lovely chorus -and bass-driven beat - from the Willie Cottrell band compliments Ghost and Trife's gut-wrenchingly brilliant tales of innocent young ladies corrupted by the vices of the ghetto. This song reminds me a lot of my own life, with the exception that I am white, male and have never smoked crack or had intercourse for money.

4. Trife (f/ Solomon Childs) - Grew Up Hard

Here's Trife all out on his own! Well, nearly; he evidently got cold feet at the last minute and went back to get Solomon Childs for emotional support, but still, this track is not half bad! While a string-lead beat with a sped-up soul sample is hardly pushing the boundaries of experimentation in hip hop, it is still a very strong backing to some even stronger verses from the Trifester. Certainly, excluding Ghostface himself, he is the most talented lyricist in Theodore Unit and he proves it here with some nice double and triple syllable rhyme patterns and an excellent flow. Well done, Trife. On a separate note, Solomon Childs claims on the chorus, 'I ain't been to many operas', when I know for a fact that he and Akon reserve a box at Glyndebourne together every summer.

5. Ghostface Killah (f/ Amy Winehouse) - You Know I'm No Good

I bet Ghost tried to have sex with Winehouse. She was probably pissed when he asked and she probably said yes. Maybe Ronson worked the camera. He doesn't look like he'd actually get involved, although I'm sure Starks and Amy would have been up for it. I bet Ghost's had a threesome and I bet Winehouse has too. The only difference is Winehouse probably wept after hers and Ghost probably had a nice bit of cod. Anyway, this track is very good.

So yeah, all you Wu-Tang solo skeptics out there: go cop this! it's both big and bashy.

Peace out, Billy Van Buskirk.

MTV Radio Cribs

2007-01-17T13:25:00.000Z

As a deeply lonely person, I spend a lot of time - when not wandering the streets or weeping - browsing the internet. During one of my more lengthy searches, I found an episode of MTV's new radio version of 'Cribs' featuring rapper Trikk Murdah (a representative of crunk outfit, White City Click). Check it out on the Ruffhousing Podcast site.

Freaky

2007-01-11T00:24:00.000Z

Every once and a while a song comes along that simply defines musical genius: Stay by Shakespeare's Sister, Thunder by East 17 and UGLY by Daphne + Cleste are just a few. The next track like this is from Wayne Fresh featuring Cutlass and Stumpy D.
What makes this track particulary special to us here at ruffhousing is that these are artists we have been championing for a while. Cutlass appeared on our first podcast, Stumpy D was the topic of one of our earliest posts and Wayne Fresh may have possibly date raped your sister.
Without further adue we give you Wayne Fresh feat. Cutlass + Stumpy D - Freaky (Sexual Plan)

Listen here

WHAT THE FUCK

2006-12-31T14:37:00.001Z

Stumpy D Interview

2006-12-19T16:50:00.000Z

Ruffhousing has been watching up-and-coming grime/hip-hop MC, Stumpy D, for a while. He made his first appearance on Boonsie's now infamous 'Frowsy Riddim' and has since climbed into the public subconcious with songs such as 'Love Life' and 'Syze Duzzn't Mattah'. Check Stumpy's myspace to hear more:

www.myspace.com/stumpydizzle

To hear a recent interview with Dizzle, courtesy of BBC Worldwide, please check the Ruffhousing Podcasts. Praise to Selassie, as always.

It's T

2006-12-09T21:38:00.000Z

Here at Ruffhousing, we are dedicated to shepherding young, up-and-coming talent into the musical limelight. However, we have also been responsible for launching the careers of many successful sportsmen:

Imagine our surprise and delight, therefore, to discover an individual who excels so staggeringly in both fields.

Three weeks ago, I returned home from Ryman's to find the front door wide open and all of the downstairs windows shattered. Cautiously, I entered the house and, making sure to close the door behind me, I began to climb the stairs. Upon walking into my parents' bedroom, I caught the man in the video below in the middle of stuffing my mum's blouse into a black plastic bag.

Terminator - PHTV

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The man in question was grime MC "Terminator" (AKA Shabazz Baidoo). After a brief struggle in which, despite finally managing to overpower my assailant, I was stabbed repeatedly in the cheek and shin, I was able to sit down with Terminator (or 'T') and really talk to him.

There can be no dispute, after watching the video above, that Terminator is an frighteningly gifted MC. The structure, flow and content of his lyrics is at once urgently stark, bleakly nihilistic and really shit. However, Baidoo has more than one string to his already heavily-strung bow. Yes, he is a master blacksmith.

However, he is also a professional footballer. Below is a photo of him in action for Queen's Park Rangers.

The skills, the rhymes, the blouse; yes, Terminator has got it all - and more to boot. We here at Ruffhousing are are behind him 100% and we are hoping that, through promoting him on this site, the general public might get behind him too.

More on T very soon.

BBC Grime Documentary

2006-12-01T20:11:00.000Z

Found this pon BBC; an excellent podcast documentary on the grime scene.

Check out the Ruffhousing Podcast site to hear it.

If You Want, You Can Sing Along

2006-11-28T22:13:00.000Z

This is not a very long post but if you have 7 minutes and 7 seconds to spare, look at this footage of Crazy Titch, Durrty Goodz and some friends on their way home from Ayia Napa. Titch wanders through the aisles abusing his fellow passengers until the guys are thrown off the flight. Titch is a bit like a 21st century Just William, albeit one that harbours a much greater fear of people touching his camera.

Crazy Hedonistic Nights

2006-11-24T21:30:00.000Z

This is a picture of the guy from UK Pimp My Ride:

Here is his myspace page:

www.myspace.com/jamiepimp

In case you are too busy to check the page out yourself, here are some snippets:

1. "General: ...beautiful women with beautiful personalities"
Jamie is straight.

2. "Music: Oooooh tough one... at heart my roots are drum n bass"
Jamie is 31 years old.

3. "Books: ...i dont think so....let your eyes see what they wanna......and remember what you want....if i read about it i will forget it before i have even finished reading the sentence...."
Jamie is here for Networking, Friends.

4. "Heroes: ...The milkman for gettin to my door every morning...i have no idea how he gets up so early every day....."
Jamie has an Average body type.

5. "General: ...sunday bed parties when everyone has been well hammered the night before and stayed over... u just laugh all day with a wobberly head and dont get up... well maybe for a glass of orange juice"
Jamie was recently falsely accused of date rape by a female fan.

VICE 4TH BIRTHDAY PARTY

2006-11-18T18:12:00.000Z

On thursday I was lucky enough to head down to the Vice 4th B day party. This was originally supposed to be in a carpark in Shoreditch however the venue only had like 2 toilets or something ridiculius which considering how many people turned up to the rescheduled venue, would have meant alot people wetting themselves. Anyway the line up was pretty big: Metronomy, DJ Mehdi, SebastiAn and Jammer just to name a few oh and more importantly there were free drinks for a good three hours.
The venue was so damn full that i got lost for about 20 minutes trying to find what room Ruffhousing's own DJ Magic was supposed to be playing in, a weird spanish guy misheard me and proceeded to lead me through about 1000 people to the front of a stage and exclaimed 'here we are! Let's dance!' when i assured him this was not the grime room he stared at me blankly before saying 'You're not Carlos' it was very odd.

Anyway i managed to find the room where Magic, the harry potter of the grime scene, was joined by Frisco of BoyBetterKnow and Big Narstie who looked like a giant Mickey Mouse cus of his hair- its a very strong look.

I asked Frisco to do a wacky expression, here's what i got.

Kooky.

Mid way through the set these girls in bikins turned up and started handing out what i thought was some sort of promo cd, imagine my delight when i got home and it turned out to be hardcore Porn- fantastic! I wish i had known that at the time as i ve never met anyone whose been double penetrated before. Anyway they got in the booth and i took what is in my opinion the greatest photo ever.

After Magic's set i went to see DJ Mehdi who was absoultely incredible, saw him play a hip hop set at Yo Yo but this was even better. He played loads of Ed Banger type electro which was sick but he coulda turned the bass up. SebastiAn after him was good too. Here he is.

Jammer turned up but didint get to play in the end, although i was lucky enough to hear Tempa T perform 'Swing' live which was one of the most life-enriching experiences ever. If ever there was proof that grime is DIY then its Tempa T. I took a pretty shitty photo.

After this i spent about an hour trying to find an after party and even longer arguing with the girl on the door of the vip area who refused to believe my jacket was in there, anyway i got Magic to get it and she got stood.

Little Lord Fauntleroy

Little Lord Fauntleroy's Reviews (November)

2006-11-10T15:50:00.000Z

What What y'all its your boy Little Lord Fauntleroy, servicing that ass like Bisto gravy. Anyway I got a crazy amount of reviews to get through this week so we gonna keep them short, sweet and sick. We got alot of UK hip hop so for this week of reviews I've donned a back pack, turned my hood up and am currently standing in the corner pretending I seriously lack any social skills (or is that Dubstep? I forget.)

First up we got the Lowlife MD Joey Brains aka Braintax with his follow up to 2001's Biro Funk. The album's called 'Panorama' for some reason and apparently its political AND controversial. I know i shouldnt expect much when a hip hop record is supposed to be 'political' but i've always though Braintax was above the typical remarkably well informed political rhetoric of most emcees i.e. 'Bush is Bad' and 'Tony Blair is a twat'- insightful. Unfortunately my expectations are not met and he effectively does do just this, complaining alot without really offering any solutions or alternatives- anyway it is just an album not a manifesto so all in all it aint bad, generally just standard UK hip hop. Check 'Run the Yards' and 'Last Tenner' for the highlights. lets say 6.5/10

Continuing on a UK tip we got Foreign Beggars with 'Stray Point Agenda'. Now i ve got alot of time for Orifice and the boys, particularly as i recently found out that DJ Nonames lives behind the pub Ive been going to since I was about 13. Anyway thats completely irrelevant, this album is good but still doesnt really do them justice but compared to the majority of UK hip hop right now its an instant classic. Their live show on the other hand is a completely different matter, Orifice and Metropolis compliment each others styles perfectly and now featuring a full live band the group has really moved up another level in UK hip hop hierachy (Where Roots Manuva is King, Taskforce are the Knights of the Realm and Tommy Evans is a humble leper shovelling dung in the courtyard). Check their show at the Scala on the 14th November. Highlights include Let it Go feat. Wildchild of Lootpack and the Vadim produced Black Hole Prophecies. Gonna give it 8/10 cus of the live show too.

Arrested Devolpment are back! Woooooh! And apparently we all should care. 'Since the Last Time' is their first album for like ten years but i'm finding it hard get remotely moist. The album basically tries to recreate that whole native tongues arfro-centric feel but sounds really dated, oh and racist. They've got an entire song about how a white groupie (they refer to her as the devil) tries to hit on the group's emcee Speech, while at the same time lamenting the state of commercial hip hop. I dont know about you but i think 50 Cent's doing alot more for race relations- he'll bang hoes whether they white or brown. 'Since the Last Time' gets 3/10.

Someone we should give a shit about making a comeback is Hi-Tek whose just released the ingeniously titled 'Hi-teknology 2'. Its got the most ridiculous roster of guests- Ghostface, Nas, Common, Jadakiss, Busta, J Dilla, Talib Kweli, Q-Tip, Peter Sissons, Kurupt, The Game and your gran all thrown in. The problem is though is that with guests like that the record sets ridiculously high standards for itself and doesn't quite hit the mark. 'March' featuring Busta Rhymes is dope and the track with Ghostface is heavy purely because of the line 'Asshole burning like Tabasco' while referring to a young lady he has a chance encounter with. The biggest dissapointment is 'Music for Life', I really don't understand how I can't love a tune featuring J Dilla, Nas, Common AND Busta but its just really, really average. Anyway its still good so it gets 7/10.

Right thats all I got time for now, I'll leave with Ruffhousing's resident guru Big L's wise words 'If I catch aids, I'm gonna start raping bitches' Word.

Nikkie S & Nyke on Chekhov's 'The Seagull'

2006-11-09T17:20:00.000Z

Nikkie S & Nyke first met at Scouts in 1996. You probably think that is a funny joke that I made up. It isn't. It's the truth. Here they are, above, with Leezo from Newsround.

Nikkie: Well, this is, without doubt, Chekhov's finest hour.
Nyke: Come on, let's not turn this into a debate.
Nikkie: Nyke has always held a candle for 'The Cherry Orchard', you see.
Nyke: I just think, stylistically, it is more refreshing.
Nikkie: You plead with me not to turn this into a debate and then you come out with slander like that. What do you expect?
Nyke: Let's just get back to the play itself.
Nikkie: Okay, well I suppose the first question that needs answering when discussing 'The Seagull' is simply, 'is it a comedy or a tragedy?'
Nyke: A tragedy, of course.
Nikkie: What are your grounds?
Nyke: In terms of language, it is steeped in misery and despair. Trigorin may have a certain way with words that can be amusing at times - a fine example being his monologue in Act Two whereupon he notes that as a writer he cannot just simply sit back and enjoy the simple things in life-
Nikkie S: Yes, that wonderful line - using Frayn's translation - "I smell the scent of heliotropes. I make a rapid mental note: cloying perfume, widow's purple, put in when describing summer evening"
Nyke: Indeed, very amusing but ultimately, what he is talking about is tragic. And of course, any play which ends with the suicide of a young man can hardly be considered high comedy.
Nikkie S: Yes, well here we are surely entering into a much larger argument: namely, what is comedy? The Shakesperian standard by which you show such fervent dedication is long-outdated. I mean where do Moliere's comedies figure in this equation?
Nyke: Well, farce is an entirely different animal to that of standard comedy. A farce, by its very nature, is dark - take the dark marital comedy of Feydeau's 'On Purge Bebe!', for example. There is a murky, adulterous undertone, yes, but that is overlaid with much situation comedy, slapstick and, most importantly, wit.
Nikkie: Actually, Nyks, I just got a text. Two girls from West want sex.
Nyke: Right. Well, we'd better go.

Dubstep: A Musical Journey

2006-11-01T15:31:00.000Z

Life, many would argue, is much like a Dubstep night. It’s good for a while but then they start playing Old Skool Garage. Nevertheless, Dubstep has become the scene in which to be seen in 2006, being hailed as “the most exciting dance music of the new millennium” (Mixmag), “the most infectious sound ever” (Touch) and “better than sex on coke” (Michael Parkinson). Here at Ruffhousing, we pride ourselves on being at the forefront of “the now” – check last week’s review of new US indie flick “Napoleon Dynamite” – and being that our devotion to our readers is so strong that we even follow many of them home after work, we felt we owed it to them to get to the bottom of the Dubstep phenomenon.

“Dubstep” as we know it now, was created by Vauxhall resident Charles Jones (real name, Lil’ Danger) back in 2001. Jones’ state of mind was deeply fragile and, for reasons known only to himself, he kept Dubstep under wraps until his death in early 2004. The circumstances surrounding Jones’ demise are extremely mysterious and remain unexplained to this day; friends say he went to sleep on 2nd February 2004 – just two days before his 93rd birthday - and simply never woke up. A fierce campaigner for – and against – racial equality, Jones was interviewed about ethnic diversity in his local paper, the South London Gazette, just months before he died. While the interview itself focuses mainly on race relations in the Vauxhall area, Jones does let slip one comment at the end of the feature which some experts have suggested hints – very subtly - at his discovery of this new music. What follows is taken from the final page of the article:

Charles Jones: Look, we can talk about this all we want, but you and I both know that the only way to strengthen the pound on the international markets is to get the Portuguese out. It’s a simple question of mathematics.
South London Gazette: Mr Jones, you’ve made these opinions clear in previous interviews but have failed to back them up with any real evidence.
CJ: Regardless of evidence, this is the way that I feel and I stick by it.
SLG: Well, quite frankly, we could debate this until the cows come home.
CJ: Which is in itself a fallacy as the cows won’t come home because there’s no room for them what with all the Portuguese.
SLG: I really think that the type of attitude that you display is extremely ignorant and almost fanatically xenophobic.
CJ: Thank you very much.
SLG: If you don’t mind me asking, Mr Jones, where do you stand politically?
CJ: I’m a pisces.
SLG: Well that just about wraps things up. Charles Jones, thank you for talking to us today. Is there anything you would like to add?
CJ: I have created a new kind of music. It’s called Dubstep.
SLG: Thank you for your time.

CHARLES JONES

Whether or not Jones is hinting at his creation in this interview is, of course, unclear. Certainly, Jones’ son Donnelly has claimed on many occasions to have discovered the music at the bottom of an old Sea Monkeys tank while going through his father’s possessions for loose change shortly after the old man’s demise. However, given that Donnelly Jones has been proven to be a horrifically compulsive liar - he once claimed that he designed the majority of the architecture in the Basque region and has even been heard to remark not only that “the Holocaust was a myth” but also, “ I quite like Jo Whiley, I don't know why everyone is so down on her all the time” – his contribution must be taken with a pinch of salt.

Myths and rumours aside, Dubstep first breached popular consciousness in 2004 with South London DJ/Producer Martin Darkness’ single, “Jus Fi Deh Boyz”. “…Boyz” was played throughout London on pirate stations and was, at one point, even featured in the music round on University Challenge. Darkness looked set for stardom until, in early 2005, he found out that a girl had bought a copy of the song, and he quit Dubstep production altogether. He now works at Whittard’s in Putney, and we were lucky enough to catch up with him to get his recollections on the beginning of the Dubstep movement.

MARTIN DARKNESS

Ruffhousing: Firstly, thank you for agreeing to meet us today. We appreciate how busy your schedule is.
Martin Darkness: It’s just that I’m on a double shift today. That’s all.
Ruffhousing: Right. So Jacob – can I call you Jacob?
MD: Well, my name’s Martin.
Ruffhousing: So Martin. You were there at the forefront of the scene we know now as Dubstep. What was it like at the very beginning?
MD: I suppose it was the same as any other movement in its early years; very uncertain and very exciting. It was like anything was possible, you know? I’ve talked to Malcolm McLaren about it and he said it sounded very similar to the beginnings of the punk scene, only a lot less interesting. I mean it was on that level, you know? Myself, Ian Screecha and Crazy Norman began playing out at clubs in Stockwell and Brixton and people just couldn’t believe what they were hearing. No-one had ever heard bass that low before. We played one gig in early 2004 and the bass was so low that a man actually died. He was stabbed repeatedly in the chest just beforehand, but we all knew it was the bass that killed him. It was like that in the scene in the early days; there was a kind of unspoken telepathy.
Ruffhousing: How do you feel Dubstep has evolved over the years?
MD: I suppose I feel glad that it has hustled its way into the mainstream. I mean, I have to since I pioneered it. But I would be lying if I said its success didn’t trigger an acidic, hate-fuelled bitterness deep in my heart. It’s like bumping into an old flame you haven’t seen for years and finding out that he – or she – is doing much better than you. That he’s successful, you know. And you say, “isn’t it strange that we went through so much together and now you’d walk past me in the street without even acknowledging me?” and he doesn’t even look you in the eye. He just smiles and moves on. But you know things about him that no-one else could ever know. How many sugars he likes in his tea; his favourite musical; his date of birth… you know, his dark secrets. And then suddenly he’s gone, and you read the note over and over again but you still can’t work out why. I’m not necessarily talking about Dubstep here.
Ruffhousing: OK. Finally Martin, tell us about your decisions to quit the game back in January 2005?
MD: Well after we released “Just Fi Deh Boyz” we started receiving a lot of press attention and, consequentially, a few girls began calling. One was from Heat Magazine, I think, the other from the Observer's Music Supplement. I asked the first girl how she had managed to hear Dubstep and she said her boyfriend had played it to her. Something in me just snapped, I suppose. I felt... let down. Downhearted. Suddenly girls started appearing at our live gigs, radio performances... Crazy Norman started seeing girls everywhere, in the street, the park, the girls lavatories. He became a danger to himself and to others and we had no choice but to commit him. After that... the scene sort of died, I suppose.
Ruffhousing: Crazy Norman himself died soon after, of course.
MD: Yes, the doctors said it was kidney failure but we all knew the truth.
Ruffhousing: Broken heart.
MD: No, syphilis. Crazy Norman was an extremely promiscuous and deeply unintelligent man.
Ruffhousing: Martin, thank you.

Since Martin's departure, the Dubstep movement has gone from strength to strength. Producers like Oliver Gunsmoke and Siameasle have enjoyed top ten chart hits, national radio daytime playlisting and have even been celebrated at award ceremonies (Racing Post Awards - “Best Folk Rock”). While its roots may lie deep in the underground, the music has blossomed into a fine commercially viable flower that major labels are looking desperately to pick.

For more on Dubstep music, check out www.esure.co.uk

DIRTY CANVAS AT THE I.C.A. – 14th October 2006

2006-10-17T15:51:00.000Z

THE MOVEMENT – L.MAN – KODE 9 – LOGAN SAMA – DJ MAGIC

Grime is defined in the Oxford English Dictionary thus:

(1) grime (n) - Dirt or soot, usually accumulated in a black layer or ingrained into a surface
(2) (vt) to coat something with dirt or soot
(3) (n) The type of music made by Flirta D.

“Grime”, said Oscar Wilde, “is like a wounded fawn in a dappled orchard: unlikely to win any MOBOs”. While Oscar’s views on music have been treated with little to no respect since his declaration that “Slim Thug is better than Dickens”, his point remains valid. With the exception of Dizzee Rascal – and possibly Kano, although both his album and mixtape suggest that hip hop is where his true passion lies – most grime artists remain firmly underground with little hope of seeing commercial light of day any time soon.

This is why Dirty Canvas’ relocation from Whitechapel Art Gallery to the heart of American picture-postcard London – between Admiralty Arch and Buckingham Palace at the ICA – represents one small step for Murkle Man and one giant leap for Murkle Mankind. Yes, while it may not quite be picture-postcard material itself, it was born and bred right here in the Big Smoke and now, thanks to the ICA and Dirty Canvas, Grime has made it to within spitting distance of her Majesty herself.

As London's only night dedicated solely to Grime, Dirty Canvas will always be the main port of call for all afficionados of the genre, and with line-ups as strong as this one, it may become responsible for converting many more. N.A.A’s L Man was up first and, in front of a sparse circle of early arrivals, he still managed a great showcase. Interspersing his own grime tunes with two excellent freestyles – one accapella and one over a Biggie beat – he made the best of a difficult opening slot and proved that he is certainly one to watch in future.

Dubstep supremo Kode 9 was next to step up and, despite the stark contrast between the ICA’s brilliantly bright walls and the tomb-like darkness that visitors to FWD at Plastic People might associate with the genre, his set was one of the night’s many hightlights.

Finally, Ghetto, Scorcher and Wretch 32 – better known as The Movement – took up position behind Logan Sama to a riotous flurry of gun fingers. While Wretch and Scorcher were very consistent and dropped some decent bars, the set belonged to Ghetto. His presence, delivery and actual lyrical ability is genuinely unmatched in the grime scene at the moment and it seems unbelievable that he is still best known to most people as simply one of Kano’s closest collaborators. A few more performances like this one, however, should ensure him the limelight he deserves.

During an old skool garage set by Plastician at Dirty Canvas’ first night at the ICA on 9th September, the host, G Double of West London’s Renegade Boys, asked the crowd “who really remembers where this music came from?”. However, while much of the music played at the event may help explain exactly how grime came about, the question that Dirty Canvas really raises, in its relocation to The Mall, is where is it going next? In many ways, this new setting reflects the scene's current climate perfectly; where better to house a genre that so prides itself on its 'Britishness' (see Bruza, Lady Sovereign or even Dizzee’s Anglo-similies on tracks like ‘Fix Up Look Sharp’ and Roll Deep’s ‘Bounce’) than sandwiched between landmarks like Trafalgar Square and Buckingham Palace?

Furthermore, while recent mainstream media representations of the new millenium's British 'Urban' scene - most prominently the film 'Kidulthood' and the Channel 4 television series 'Dubplate Drama' - might condition viewers to believe that the ICA's clinically clean white walls, majestically lofty ceilings and excellently-priced white wine combine to create something of an unrealistic portayal of the true grittiness of Grime music, they couldn't be more wrong. While the illegal raves, MC clashes and pirate radio sessions that the music was built on are notorious for their supreme squalor (many of the scene's most famous battles have taken place in Jammer's own cramped, graffiti-strewn basement), outside the East London flats where it was born, Grime is a very different animal indeed. The more mainstream Grime crowds generally transcend race, class and gender and - thanks partly to the genre's support from current trend-setters like Diplo, M.I.A. and even Mike Skinner - at legitimate club nights like Dirty Canvas, you will usually find roll-up-smoking, angular-haired Hoxton street artistes happily throwing shapes next to scowling, gun-finger-toting hooded teenagers.

In other words, despite what it might say on the HMV Store Guide, Grime just isn't very 'Urban' any more. Dirty Canvas' greatest achievement, in setting up shop at the ICA, is that far from abhorring this fact, they exhibit both intelligence and maturity by accepting and accommodating for it while never once compromising the music's integrity. Looking down from the balcony onto the makeshift dancefloor below and watching fashionably dishevelled mullets swim contently in and out of black New Era caps as Ghetto incites another mini mosh pit, it strikes me not only that this is about as clear a representation of Grime music as you could hope to find in 2006 but that, much more importantly, everybody is enjoying themselves. Go and have a look.

whole heap of fuckery

2006-10-16T15:05:00.000Z

SINGLE REVIEWS WITH SIZZLA, TOM WAITS and CAPTAIN BEEFHEART.

1. LLOYD BANKS ft. 50 CENT - Hands Up (Interscope)

WAITS: Who the fuck buys this stuff?
SIZZLA: I didn't think it was that bad.
WAITS: I've never known anyone in G Unit to do anything original, ever.
BEEFHEART: Jane Eyre was quite original at the time.
WAITS: Jane Eyre is by Charlotte Bronte.
BEEFHEART: I know. I'm just saying, Jane Eyre was pretty original when it was published.
SIZZLA: The simple fact is, like everything, this is a question of taste. If you like what G Unit are about, then you'll like this single.
WAITS: That's so fucking typical of you, Sizzla. You're such a fence-sitter.
SIZZLA: What does that mean?
WAITS: You know exactly what it means.
SIZZLA: If this is about Sarah, just come out and say it.
WAITS: OK, it's about Sarah.
SIZZLA: You're pathetic, you know that.
WAITS: I'M pathetic? This is coming from someone who actively encourages 'fire pon chi chi men'?
SIZZLA: That was a long time ago, Tom. You're out of order bringing that up.
BEEFHEART: Perhaps we should get back to the single.
SIZZLA: Perhaps we should.
WAITS: OK, well it's Eminem on production which doesn't exactly fill one with hope.
SIZZLA: Meaning what?
WAITS: Well, he's a great rapper but I don't have a huge amount of respect for him as a producer.
SIZZLA: The problem with reviewing this G Unit stuff is that, like you said, it's fairly interchangeable. This is a good pop hip hop song; it's bouncy, it's catchy, some of Banks' MCing is better than you might think-
BEEFHEART: Yeah, there's some double and triple syllable rhyming in the second verse.
SIZZLA: Exactly. And to top it all off, it's got Fiddy drooling all over the chorus. As I said before, if you're all about G Unit you'll love this, but I doubt it will convert any non-believers.

3/5

THE STREETS ft. Leo the Lion, Skepta, Ghetto, Tinchy Stryder, Wretch 32 etc etc - Prangin Out (REMIX) (679/The Beats)

BEEFHEART: Well, this is going to cause problems, isn't it?
WAITS: You all know where I stand here.
BEEFHEART: At the end of the day, you can't fault Mike Skinner on two fronts: firstly, he has the foresight and sheer drive to put out one of these grime remixes for pretty much every single he releases and secondly, he clearly knows what he's doing because he always chooses the best. Think about the list of MCs that have been on his and the Mitchell Brothers' remixes. You've got Kano, Lady Sovereign, Bruza, D Double E, Tinchy Stryder, most of Roll Deep, JME, Bearman and now Skepta and Ghetto. That's a pretty good roster.
WAITS: What about Jammer, Wiley and Dizzee?
SIZZLA: I think he asked them on for this one but it clashed with the Chelsea Flower Show. Jammer was judging the shrubs.
BEEFHEART: Jammer can judge my shrubs any day, if you know what I mean.
WAITS: What do you mean?
BEEFHEART: I mean I've got three or four shrubs and I'd really value his opinion on them.
WAITS: Oh right.
SIZZLA: Well to get back to this single, I agree that the people he gets on his tunes are always very good - and the fact is, it's a great platform for up and coming MCs that you probably wouldn't get to see anywhere else. I've been watching Devilman for a while and it's nice to see him finally get some recognition.
BEEFHEART: I genuinely think the beat isn't bad either. Skinner gets a lot of stick for his beats being too simple and sounding the same but at least he's got a sound. Most producers spend their whole lives wishing they could break the mould and coin a certain sound of their own.
WAITS: I'm not arguing that it's not very much his own sound, I'm arguing that it's just not very good.
SIZZLA: I've got to disagree there, I'm afraid. I really like it. It's so grinding and urgent and that sums up the mood of the track perfectly. I think Skinner has hit the nail on the head here.
BEEFHEART: Hear, hear.
WAITS: I'm going to give it three out of five.
BEEFHEART: I'll give it four.
SIZZLA: Yeah, four from me too.

4/5

day in the dizzle

2006-10-16T14:57:00.000Z

STUMPY D'S DIARY: OCTOBER 16 2006

4.55am Awake early after bad dreams. Usual Foskett stuff but capped by final one where I am trapped under the udder of a large cow. Suckling. Relieved to find sheets dry; perhaps the bad thing is slowly disappearing.

6.32am Jolted out of watery sleep by more horrific nightmares. Still under the udder but not suckling. Queue is too long.

7.14am Laundrette with sheets.

8.31am Phone call from Mum. My first for weeks. She sounds worried after I confess thoughts of suicide, but seems more concerned with talking about Sheila from the pool who is pregnant at 51. i mime shock and feign interest but i am more engrossed with my own problems. buy milk for ricicles but cow dream is still fresh in my mind; have half a grapefruit instead.

9.00am Quick cry.

10.10am Phone call from Boonsie. Westwood interview has been pushed back to 10pm tonight. I ask what he is doing up so early and he confesses smugly that he hasn't been bed. he claims to have been up all night with a 22 year old Swedish girl, but seems to have forgotten that 3g is video phone and i can quite clearly see a naked, semi-aroused man massaging his back.

12.00am Lunch alone at Pizza Hut. Use vouchers; 30% off ice cream factory.

12.34am Have just measured myself and am delighted to find that I have grown three inches since Tuesday! Maybe things are looking up for the Dizzle!

12.37am Have just realised i was wearing heels. i have not grown an inch.

12.38am Racked with paranoia about the heels. Have i had them on all day and not noticed? must be more careful in future.

1.45pm Soundclash. i feel as if i am losing my feel for these things. three out five soundboys murked and seven riddims pulled up, though. not bad going i suppose. plus i rained a fair amount of fire pon babylon before leaving.

2.50pm Outside Wayne Foskett's house; in the rose bed. I wished he hadn't cut back the rhodedenrum - it was far comfier. watch him for a while before finally getting up the confidence to make a threatening phone call. lose my nerve when he answers and ask if John is there. fate deals me another in a long line of blows to the face as it turns out Wayne's dad is called John. He gets him and i am forced to listen to a forty five minute anecdote about the time John spent in 1971 with a venetian prostitute called Marta. he never once asks who i am or why i am calling. end up arranging to meet him for a drink later; it is the only way i can get him off the phone.

4.21pm At the studio. Wil E Coyote, Lego Man and Dooza want me to trow down 16 on their new riddim 'Molest Dem'. Coyote is strangely subdued and I find out from Lee, the sound engineer, that he has been charged for possession of and intent to sell class A drugs. This is really worrying, as the sentence can be up to Fourteen years. as we are all leaving, coyote asks me to hold onto a large bag of flour that he has brought with him; i accept obviously - he is a great mate.

4.23pm Coyote, the idiot, leaves without remebering to get the flour off me! what an idiot! i call him and tell him, but he says i can hang onto it for a while if i like. what do i want with a bag of flour?

6.29pm Measure myself. still no growth. anywhere. if you know what i mean.

6.31pm I meant my genitals.

9.01pm Back home after drink in the Dog & Duck pub with John Foskett. He's actually not that bad a guy. it bewilders me how his son turned out to be the anti-christ.

9.31pm After a quick cry, Boonsie picks me up to go to Radio 1 off Great Portland Street. Meet Moira Stewart on the way in and get her autograph. I ask her if she is here often for BBC news but it turns out that she has come in to throw down a quick freestyle for westwood.

10.59pm Boonsie, Westwood and I head to a local curry house to wind down after the interview. it went fairly well, except Boonsie - who is older than he looks - kept getting faulklands flashbacks due to Westwood's constant bomb sfx. i have lamb bhuna, boonise has prawn korma and westwood has egg and chips. he claims he "can't stand these foreign bastards and their odd food".

12.03am Prison. Returned home to find armed police raiding my house and taking photos of my heels. Coyote, whose favourite star wars character is Lando Calrissian, is there too, having tipped øff the boy dem. I am still not quite sure with what i am being charged but the flour is gone and so are my sheets.

12.05am Just remembered, sheets are at laundrette. Have to pick them up tomorrow.

For more on Stumpy D, check www.myspace.com/stumpydizzle ya bumba bludclat