I'm Off Any Minute

This is the first part of the BBC Radio series 'Why Bother?' featuring conversations between Chris Morris and Peter Cook (as Arthur Streeb-Greebling). All five episodes are on youtube and all five episodes are absolutely brilliant. There's an extremely lengthy, but generally quite interesting, interview with Chris Morris about the experience of working with Peter Cook here. The highlight of this first one, for me, is Cook discussing Betty Grable's legs and then going on to refer to Eric Clapton as a "pathetic individual".

You Might Get A Free Haircut

Why - WHY - would anyone want to bring Brutus 'The Barber' Beefcake (who's now, I would assume, in his early fifties) to their town, state or high school? He almost certainly lives alone in a damp flat, dividing his time between microwaving ready meals and standing naked in front of the mirror, shears to his throat, weeping quietly.

We're having a party.

EVIL INCARNATE

"The other shape, if shape it might be called, that shape had none, Distinguishable in member, joint, or limb; Or substance might be called that shadow seemed; For each seemed either; black it stood as night, Fierce as ten furies, terrible as Hell, And shook a dreadful dart; what seemed his head The likeness of a kingly crown had on. Satan was now at hand; and from his seat The monster, moving onward, came as fast With horrid strides; Hell trembled as he strode"

(Paradise Lost, Book II)

Replace the "he's" with "she's" and Milton pretty much hit the nail on the head here.

Think soccer ain't a sport?

Continuing with our fine tradition of championing rapping footballers (or, for that matter, footballing rappers), here's Clint Dempsey (aka 'Deuce') with 'Don't Tread'.