WHAT THE FUCK

Stumpy D Interview

Ruffhousing has been watching up-and-coming grime/hip-hop MC, Stumpy D, for a while. He made his first appearance on Boonsie's now infamous 'Frowsy Riddim' and has since climbed into the public subconcious with songs such as 'Love Life' and 'Syze Duzzn't Mattah'. Check Stumpy's myspace to hear more:

www.myspace.com/stumpydizzle

To hear a recent interview with Dizzle, courtesy of BBC Worldwide, please check the Ruffhousing Podcasts. Praise to Selassie, as always.

It's T

Here at Ruffhousing, we are dedicated to shepherding young, up-and-coming talent into the musical limelight. However, we have also been responsible for launching the careers of many successful sportsmen:



Imagine our surprise and delight, therefore, to discover an individual who excels so staggeringly in both fields.

Three weeks ago, I returned home from Ryman's to find the front door wide open and all of the downstairs windows shattered. Cautiously, I entered the house and, making sure to close the door behind me, I began to climb the stairs. Upon walking into my parents' bedroom, I caught the man in the video below in the middle of stuffing my mum's blouse into a black plastic bag.

Terminator - PHTV

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The man in question was grime MC "Terminator" (AKA Shabazz Baidoo). After a brief struggle in which, despite finally managing to overpower my assailant, I was stabbed repeatedly in the cheek and shin, I was able to sit down with Terminator (or 'T') and really talk to him.

There can be no dispute, after watching the video above, that Terminator is an frighteningly gifted MC. The structure, flow and content of his lyrics is at once urgently stark, bleakly nihilistic and really shit. However, Baidoo has more than one string to his already heavily-strung bow. Yes, he is a master blacksmith.

However, he is also a professional footballer. Below is a photo of him in action for Queen's Park Rangers.



The skills, the rhymes, the blouse; yes, Terminator has got it all - and more to boot. We here at Ruffhousing are are behind him 100% and we are hoping that, through promoting him on this site, the general public might get behind him too.

More on T very soon.

BBC Grime Documentary

Found this pon BBC; an excellent podcast documentary on the grime scene.

Check out the Ruffhousing Podcast site to hear it.

If You Want, You Can Sing Along

This is not a very long post but if you have 7 minutes and 7 seconds to spare, look at this footage of Crazy Titch, Durrty Goodz and some friends on their way home from Ayia Napa. Titch wanders through the aisles abusing his fellow passengers until the guys are thrown off the flight. Titch is a bit like a 21st century Just William, albeit one that harbours a much greater fear of people touching his camera.

Crazy Hedonistic Nights

This is a picture of the guy from UK Pimp My Ride:



Here is his myspace page:

www.myspace.com/jamiepimp

In case you are too busy to check the page out yourself, here are some snippets:

1. "General: ...beautiful women with beautiful personalities"
Jamie is straight.

2. "Music: Oooooh tough one... at heart my roots are drum n bass"
Jamie is 31 years old.

3. "Books: ...i dont think so....let your eyes see what they wanna......and remember what you want....if i read about it i will forget it before i have even finished reading the sentence...."
Jamie is here for Networking, Friends.

4. "Heroes: ...The milkman for gettin to my door every morning...i have no idea how he gets up so early every day....."
Jamie has an Average body type.

5. "General: ...sunday bed parties when everyone has been well hammered the night before and stayed over... u just laugh all day with a wobberly head and dont get up... well maybe for a glass of orange juice"
Jamie was recently falsely accused of date rape by a female fan.

VICE 4TH BIRTHDAY PARTY

On thursday I was lucky enough to head down to the Vice 4th B day party. This was originally supposed to be in a carpark in Shoreditch however the venue only had like 2 toilets or something ridiculius which considering how many people turned up to the rescheduled venue, would have meant alot people wetting themselves. Anyway the line up was pretty big: Metronomy, DJ Mehdi, SebastiAn and Jammer just to name a few oh and more importantly there were free drinks for a good three hours.
The venue was so damn full that i got lost for about 20 minutes trying to find what room Ruffhousing's own DJ Magic was supposed to be playing in, a weird spanish guy misheard me and proceeded to lead me through about 1000 people to the front of a stage and exclaimed 'here we are! Let's dance!' when i assured him this was not the grime room he stared at me blankly before saying 'You're not Carlos' it was very odd.

Anyway i managed to find the room where Magic, the harry potter of the grime scene, was joined by Frisco of BoyBetterKnow and Big Narstie who looked like a giant Mickey Mouse cus of his hair- its a very strong look.



I asked Frisco to do a wacky expression, here's what i got.



Kooky.

Mid way through the set these girls in bikins turned up and started handing out what i thought was some sort of promo cd, imagine my delight when i got home and it turned out to be hardcore Porn- fantastic! I wish i had known that at the time as i ve never met anyone whose been double penetrated before. Anyway they got in the booth and i took what is in my opinion the greatest photo ever.



After Magic's set i went to see DJ Mehdi who was absoultely incredible, saw him play a hip hop set at Yo Yo but this was even better. He played loads of Ed Banger type electro which was sick but he coulda turned the bass up. SebastiAn after him was good too. Here he is.



Jammer turned up but didint get to play in the end, although i was lucky enough to hear Tempa T perform 'Swing' live which was one of the most life-enriching experiences ever. If ever there was proof that grime is DIY then its Tempa T. I took a pretty shitty photo.



After this i spent about an hour trying to find an after party and even longer arguing with the girl on the door of the vip area who refused to believe my jacket was in there, anyway i got Magic to get it and she got stood.


Little Lord Fauntleroy

Little Lord Fauntleroy's Reviews (November)

What What y'all its your boy Little Lord Fauntleroy, servicing that ass like Bisto gravy. Anyway I got a crazy amount of reviews to get through this week so we gonna keep them short, sweet and sick. We got alot of UK hip hop so for this week of reviews I've donned a back pack, turned my hood up and am currently standing in the corner pretending I seriously lack any social skills (or is that Dubstep? I forget.)


First up we got the Lowlife MD Joey Brains aka Braintax with his follow up to 2001's Biro Funk. The album's called 'Panorama' for some reason and apparently its political AND controversial. I know i shouldnt expect much when a hip hop record is supposed to be 'political' but i've always though Braintax was above the typical remarkably well informed political rhetoric of most emcees i.e. 'Bush is Bad' and 'Tony Blair is a twat'- insightful. Unfortunately my expectations are not met and he effectively does do just this, complaining alot without really offering any solutions or alternatives- anyway it is just an album not a manifesto so all in all it aint bad, generally just standard UK hip hop. Check 'Run the Yards' and 'Last Tenner' for the highlights. lets say 6.5/10


Continuing on a UK tip we got Foreign Beggars with 'Stray Point Agenda'. Now i ve got alot of time for Orifice and the boys, particularly as i recently found out that DJ Nonames lives behind the pub Ive been going to since I was about 13. Anyway thats completely irrelevant, this album is good but still doesnt really do them justice but compared to the majority of UK hip hop right now its an instant classic. Their live show on the other hand is a completely different matter, Orifice and Metropolis compliment each others styles perfectly and now featuring a full live band the group has really moved up another level in UK hip hop hierachy (Where Roots Manuva is King, Taskforce are the Knights of the Realm and Tommy Evans is a humble leper shovelling dung in the courtyard). Check their show at the Scala on the 14th November. Highlights include Let it Go feat. Wildchild of Lootpack and the Vadim produced Black Hole Prophecies. Gonna give it 8/10 cus of the live show too.


Arrested Devolpment are back! Woooooh! And apparently we all should care. 'Since the Last Time' is their first album for like ten years but i'm finding it hard get remotely moist. The album basically tries to recreate that whole native tongues arfro-centric feel but sounds really dated, oh and racist. They've got an entire song about how a white groupie (they refer to her as the devil) tries to hit on the group's emcee Speech, while at the same time lamenting the state of commercial hip hop. I dont know about you but i think 50 Cent's doing alot more for race relations- he'll bang hoes whether they white or brown. 'Since the Last Time' gets 3/10.


Someone we should give a shit about making a comeback is Hi-Tek whose just released the ingeniously titled 'Hi-teknology 2'. Its got the most ridiculous roster of guests- Ghostface, Nas, Common, Jadakiss, Busta, J Dilla, Talib Kweli, Q-Tip, Peter Sissons, Kurupt, The Game and your gran all thrown in. The problem is though is that with guests like that the record sets ridiculously high standards for itself and doesn't quite hit the mark. 'March' featuring Busta Rhymes is dope and the track with Ghostface is heavy purely because of the line 'Asshole burning like Tabasco' while referring to a young lady he has a chance encounter with. The biggest dissapointment is 'Music for Life', I really don't understand how I can't love a tune featuring J Dilla, Nas, Common AND Busta but its just really, really average. Anyway its still good so it gets 7/10.

Right thats all I got time for now, I'll leave with Ruffhousing's resident guru Big L's wise words 'If I catch aids, I'm gonna start raping bitches' Word.

Nikkie S & Nyke on Chekhov's 'The Seagull'

Nikkie S & Nyke first met at Scouts in 1996. You probably think that is a funny joke that I made up. It isn't. It's the truth. Here they are, above, with Leezo from Newsround.



Nikkie: Well, this is, without doubt, Chekhov's finest hour.
Nyke: Come on, let's not turn this into a debate.
Nikkie: Nyke has always held a candle for 'The Cherry Orchard', you see.
Nyke: I just think, stylistically, it is more refreshing.
Nikkie: You plead with me not to turn this into a debate and then you come out with slander like that. What do you expect?
Nyke: Let's just get back to the play itself.
Nikkie: Okay, well I suppose the first question that needs answering when discussing 'The Seagull' is simply, 'is it a comedy or a tragedy?'
Nyke: A tragedy, of course.
Nikkie: What are your grounds?
Nyke: In terms of language, it is steeped in misery and despair. Trigorin may have a certain way with words that can be amusing at times - a fine example being his monologue in Act Two whereupon he notes that as a writer he cannot just simply sit back and enjoy the simple things in life-
Nikkie S: Yes, that wonderful line - using Frayn's translation - "I smell the scent of heliotropes. I make a rapid mental note: cloying perfume, widow's purple, put in when describing summer evening"
Nyke: Indeed, very amusing but ultimately, what he is talking about is tragic. And of course, any play which ends with the suicide of a young man can hardly be considered high comedy.
Nikkie S: Yes, well here we are surely entering into a much larger argument: namely, what is comedy? The Shakesperian standard by which you show such fervent dedication is long-outdated. I mean where do Moliere's comedies figure in this equation?
Nyke: Well, farce is an entirely different animal to that of standard comedy. A farce, by its very nature, is dark - take the dark marital comedy of Feydeau's 'On Purge Bebe!', for example. There is a murky, adulterous undertone, yes, but that is overlaid with much situation comedy, slapstick and, most importantly, wit.
Nikkie: Actually, Nyks, I just got a text. Two girls from West want sex.
Nyke: Right. Well, we'd better go.

Dubstep: A Musical Journey

Life, many would argue, is much like a Dubstep night. It’s good for a while but then they start playing Old Skool Garage. Nevertheless, Dubstep has become the scene in which to be seen in 2006, being hailed as “the most exciting dance music of the new millennium” (Mixmag), “the most infectious sound ever” (Touch) and “better than sex on coke” (Michael Parkinson). Here at Ruffhousing, we pride ourselves on being at the forefront of “the now” – check last week’s review of new US indie flick “Napoleon Dynamite” – and being that our devotion to our readers is so strong that we even follow many of them home after work, we felt we owed it to them to get to the bottom of the Dubstep phenomenon.

“Dubstep” as we know it now, was created by Vauxhall resident Charles Jones (real name, Lil’ Danger) back in 2001. Jones’ state of mind was deeply fragile and, for reasons known only to himself, he kept Dubstep under wraps until his death in early 2004. The circumstances surrounding Jones’ demise are extremely mysterious and remain unexplained to this day; friends say he went to sleep on 2nd February 2004 – just two days before his 93rd birthday - and simply never woke up. A fierce campaigner for – and against – racial equality, Jones was interviewed about ethnic diversity in his local paper, the South London Gazette, just months before he died. While the interview itself focuses mainly on race relations in the Vauxhall area, Jones does let slip one comment at the end of the feature which some experts have suggested hints – very subtly - at his discovery of this new music. What follows is taken from the final page of the article:

Charles Jones: Look, we can talk about this all we want, but you and I both know that the only way to strengthen the pound on the international markets is to get the Portuguese out. It’s a simple question of mathematics.
South London Gazette: Mr Jones, you’ve made these opinions clear in previous interviews but have failed to back them up with any real evidence.
CJ: Regardless of evidence, this is the way that I feel and I stick by it.
SLG: Well, quite frankly, we could debate this until the cows come home.
CJ: Which is in itself a fallacy as the cows won’t come home because there’s no room for them what with all the Portuguese.
SLG: I really think that the type of attitude that you display is extremely ignorant and almost fanatically xenophobic.
CJ: Thank you very much.
SLG: If you don’t mind me asking, Mr Jones, where do you stand politically?
CJ: I’m a pisces.
SLG: Well that just about wraps things up. Charles Jones, thank you for talking to us today. Is there anything you would like to add?
CJ: I have created a new kind of music. It’s called Dubstep.
SLG: Thank you for your time.


CHARLES JONES

Whether or not Jones is hinting at his creation in this interview is, of course, unclear. Certainly, Jones’ son Donnelly has claimed on many occasions to have discovered the music at the bottom of an old Sea Monkeys tank while going through his father’s possessions for loose change shortly after the old man’s demise. However, given that Donnelly Jones has been proven to be a horrifically compulsive liar - he once claimed that he designed the majority of the architecture in the Basque region and has even been heard to remark not only that “the Holocaust was a myth” but also, “ I quite like Jo Whiley, I don't know why everyone is so down on her all the time” – his contribution must be taken with a pinch of salt.

Myths and rumours aside, Dubstep first breached popular consciousness in 2004 with South London DJ/Producer Martin Darkness’ single, “Jus Fi Deh Boyz”. “…Boyz” was played throughout London on pirate stations and was, at one point, even featured in the music round on University Challenge. Darkness looked set for stardom until, in early 2005, he found out that a girl had bought a copy of the song, and he quit Dubstep production altogether. He now works at Whittard’s in Putney, and we were lucky enough to catch up with him to get his recollections on the beginning of the Dubstep movement.


MARTIN DARKNESS

Ruffhousing: Firstly, thank you for agreeing to meet us today. We appreciate how busy your schedule is.
Martin Darkness: It’s just that I’m on a double shift today. That’s all.
Ruffhousing: Right. So Jacob – can I call you Jacob?
MD: Well, my name’s Martin.
Ruffhousing: So Martin. You were there at the forefront of the scene we know now as Dubstep. What was it like at the very beginning?
MD: I suppose it was the same as any other movement in its early years; very uncertain and very exciting. It was like anything was possible, you know? I’ve talked to Malcolm McLaren about it and he said it sounded very similar to the beginnings of the punk scene, only a lot less interesting. I mean it was on that level, you know? Myself, Ian Screecha and Crazy Norman began playing out at clubs in Stockwell and Brixton and people just couldn’t believe what they were hearing. No-one had ever heard bass that low before. We played one gig in early 2004 and the bass was so low that a man actually died. He was stabbed repeatedly in the chest just beforehand, but we all knew it was the bass that killed him. It was like that in the scene in the early days; there was a kind of unspoken telepathy.
Ruffhousing: How do you feel Dubstep has evolved over the years?
MD: I suppose I feel glad that it has hustled its way into the mainstream. I mean, I have to since I pioneered it. But I would be lying if I said its success didn’t trigger an acidic, hate-fuelled bitterness deep in my heart. It’s like bumping into an old flame you haven’t seen for years and finding out that he – or she – is doing much better than you. That he’s successful, you know. And you say, “isn’t it strange that we went through so much together and now you’d walk past me in the street without even acknowledging me?” and he doesn’t even look you in the eye. He just smiles and moves on. But you know things about him that no-one else could ever know. How many sugars he likes in his tea; his favourite musical; his date of birth… you know, his dark secrets. And then suddenly he’s gone, and you read the note over and over again but you still can’t work out why. I’m not necessarily talking about Dubstep here.
Ruffhousing: OK. Finally Martin, tell us about your decisions to quit the game back in January 2005?
MD: Well after we released “Just Fi Deh Boyz” we started receiving a lot of press attention and, consequentially, a few girls began calling. One was from Heat Magazine, I think, the other from the Observer's Music Supplement. I asked the first girl how she had managed to hear Dubstep and she said her boyfriend had played it to her. Something in me just snapped, I suppose. I felt... let down. Downhearted. Suddenly girls started appearing at our live gigs, radio performances... Crazy Norman started seeing girls everywhere, in the street, the park, the girls lavatories. He became a danger to himself and to others and we had no choice but to commit him. After that... the scene sort of died, I suppose.
Ruffhousing: Crazy Norman himself died soon after, of course.
MD: Yes, the doctors said it was kidney failure but we all knew the truth.
Ruffhousing: Broken heart.
MD: No, syphilis. Crazy Norman was an extremely promiscuous and deeply unintelligent man.
Ruffhousing: Martin, thank you.

Since Martin's departure, the Dubstep movement has gone from strength to strength. Producers like Oliver Gunsmoke and Siameasle have enjoyed top ten chart hits, national radio daytime playlisting and have even been celebrated at award ceremonies (Racing Post Awards - “Best Folk Rock”). While its roots may lie deep in the underground, the music has blossomed into a fine commercially viable flower that major labels are looking desperately to pick.

For more on Dubstep music, check out www.esure.co.uk

DIRTY CANVAS AT THE I.C.A. – 14th October 2006

THE MOVEMENT – L.MAN – KODE 9 – LOGAN SAMA – DJ MAGIC

Grime is defined in the Oxford English Dictionary thus:

(1) grime (n) - Dirt or soot, usually accumulated in a black layer or ingrained into a surface
(2) (vt) to coat something with dirt or soot
(3) (n) The type of music made by Flirta D.

“Grime”, said Oscar Wilde, “is like a wounded fawn in a dappled orchard: unlikely to win any MOBOs”. While Oscar’s views on music have been treated with little to no respect since his declaration that “Slim Thug is better than Dickens”, his point remains valid. With the exception of Dizzee Rascal – and possibly Kano, although both his album and mixtape suggest that hip hop is where his true passion lies – most grime artists remain firmly underground with little hope of seeing commercial light of day any time soon.

This is why Dirty Canvas’ relocation from Whitechapel Art Gallery to the heart of American picture-postcard London – between Admiralty Arch and Buckingham Palace at the ICA – represents one small step for Murkle Man and one giant leap for Murkle Mankind. Yes, while it may not quite be picture-postcard material itself, it was born and bred right here in the Big Smoke and now, thanks to the ICA and Dirty Canvas, Grime has made it to within spitting distance of her Majesty herself.

As London's only night dedicated solely to Grime, Dirty Canvas will always be the main port of call for all afficionados of the genre, and with line-ups as strong as this one, it may become responsible for converting many more. N.A.A’s L Man was up first and, in front of a sparse circle of early arrivals, he still managed a great showcase. Interspersing his own grime tunes with two excellent freestyles – one accapella and one over a Biggie beat – he made the best of a difficult opening slot and proved that he is certainly one to watch in future.

Dubstep supremo Kode 9 was next to step up and, despite the stark contrast between the ICA’s brilliantly bright walls and the tomb-like darkness that visitors to FWD at Plastic People might associate with the genre, his set was one of the night’s many hightlights.

Finally, Ghetto, Scorcher and Wretch 32 – better known as The Movement – took up position behind Logan Sama to a riotous flurry of gun fingers. While Wretch and Scorcher were very consistent and dropped some decent bars, the set belonged to Ghetto. His presence, delivery and actual lyrical ability is genuinely unmatched in the grime scene at the moment and it seems unbelievable that he is still best known to most people as simply one of Kano’s closest collaborators. A few more performances like this one, however, should ensure him the limelight he deserves.



During an old skool garage set by Plastician at Dirty Canvas’ first night at the ICA on 9th September, the host, G Double of West London’s Renegade Boys, asked the crowd “who really remembers where this music came from?”. However, while much of the music played at the event may help explain exactly how grime came about, the question that Dirty Canvas really raises, in its relocation to The Mall, is where is it going next? In many ways, this new setting reflects the scene's current climate perfectly; where better to house a genre that so prides itself on its 'Britishness' (see Bruza, Lady Sovereign or even Dizzee’s Anglo-similies on tracks like ‘Fix Up Look Sharp’ and Roll Deep’s ‘Bounce’) than sandwiched between landmarks like Trafalgar Square and Buckingham Palace?

Furthermore, while recent mainstream media representations of the new millenium's British 'Urban' scene - most prominently the film 'Kidulthood' and the Channel 4 television series 'Dubplate Drama' - might condition viewers to believe that the ICA's clinically clean white walls, majestically lofty ceilings and excellently-priced white wine combine to create something of an unrealistic portayal of the true grittiness of Grime music, they couldn't be more wrong. While the illegal raves, MC clashes and pirate radio sessions that the music was built on are notorious for their supreme squalor (many of the scene's most famous battles have taken place in Jammer's own cramped, graffiti-strewn basement), outside the East London flats where it was born, Grime is a very different animal indeed. The more mainstream Grime crowds generally transcend race, class and gender and - thanks partly to the genre's support from current trend-setters like Diplo, M.I.A. and even Mike Skinner - at legitimate club nights like Dirty Canvas, you will usually find roll-up-smoking, angular-haired Hoxton street artistes happily throwing shapes next to scowling, gun-finger-toting hooded teenagers.

In other words, despite what it might say on the HMV Store Guide, Grime just isn't very 'Urban' any more. Dirty Canvas' greatest achievement, in setting up shop at the ICA, is that far from abhorring this fact, they exhibit both intelligence and maturity by accepting and accommodating for it while never once compromising the music's integrity. Looking down from the balcony onto the makeshift dancefloor below and watching fashionably dishevelled mullets swim contently in and out of black New Era caps as Ghetto incites another mini mosh pit, it strikes me not only that this is about as clear a representation of Grime music as you could hope to find in 2006 but that, much more importantly, everybody is enjoying themselves. Go and have a look.

whole heap of fuckery

SINGLE REVIEWS WITH SIZZLA, TOM WAITS and CAPTAIN BEEFHEART.

1. LLOYD BANKS ft. 50 CENT - Hands Up (Interscope)

WAITS: Who the fuck buys this stuff?
SIZZLA: I didn't think it was that bad.
WAITS: I've never known anyone in G Unit to do anything original, ever.
BEEFHEART: Jane Eyre was quite original at the time.
WAITS: Jane Eyre is by Charlotte Bronte.
BEEFHEART: I know. I'm just saying, Jane Eyre was pretty original when it was published.
SIZZLA: The simple fact is, like everything, this is a question of taste. If you like what G Unit are about, then you'll like this single.
WAITS: That's so fucking typical of you, Sizzla. You're such a fence-sitter.
SIZZLA: What does that mean?
WAITS: You know exactly what it means.
SIZZLA: If this is about Sarah, just come out and say it.
WAITS: OK, it's about Sarah.
SIZZLA: You're pathetic, you know that.
WAITS: I'M pathetic? This is coming from someone who actively encourages 'fire pon chi chi men'?
SIZZLA: That was a long time ago, Tom. You're out of order bringing that up.
BEEFHEART: Perhaps we should get back to the single.
SIZZLA: Perhaps we should.
WAITS: OK, well it's Eminem on production which doesn't exactly fill one with hope.
SIZZLA: Meaning what?
WAITS: Well, he's a great rapper but I don't have a huge amount of respect for him as a producer.
SIZZLA: The problem with reviewing this G Unit stuff is that, like you said, it's fairly interchangeable. This is a good pop hip hop song; it's bouncy, it's catchy, some of Banks' MCing is better than you might think-
BEEFHEART: Yeah, there's some double and triple syllable rhyming in the second verse.
SIZZLA: Exactly. And to top it all off, it's got Fiddy drooling all over the chorus. As I said before, if you're all about G Unit you'll love this, but I doubt it will convert any non-believers.

3/5

THE STREETS ft. Leo the Lion, Skepta, Ghetto, Tinchy Stryder, Wretch 32 etc etc - Prangin Out (REMIX) (679/The Beats)

BEEFHEART: Well, this is going to cause problems, isn't it?
WAITS: You all know where I stand here.
BEEFHEART: At the end of the day, you can't fault Mike Skinner on two fronts: firstly, he has the foresight and sheer drive to put out one of these grime remixes for pretty much every single he releases and secondly, he clearly knows what he's doing because he always chooses the best. Think about the list of MCs that have been on his and the Mitchell Brothers' remixes. You've got Kano, Lady Sovereign, Bruza, D Double E, Tinchy Stryder, most of Roll Deep, JME, Bearman and now Skepta and Ghetto. That's a pretty good roster.
WAITS: What about Jammer, Wiley and Dizzee?
SIZZLA: I think he asked them on for this one but it clashed with the Chelsea Flower Show. Jammer was judging the shrubs.
BEEFHEART: Jammer can judge my shrubs any day, if you know what I mean.
WAITS: What do you mean?
BEEFHEART: I mean I've got three or four shrubs and I'd really value his opinion on them.
WAITS: Oh right.
SIZZLA: Well to get back to this single, I agree that the people he gets on his tunes are always very good - and the fact is, it's a great platform for up and coming MCs that you probably wouldn't get to see anywhere else. I've been watching Devilman for a while and it's nice to see him finally get some recognition.
BEEFHEART: I genuinely think the beat isn't bad either. Skinner gets a lot of stick for his beats being too simple and sounding the same but at least he's got a sound. Most producers spend their whole lives wishing they could break the mould and coin a certain sound of their own.
WAITS: I'm not arguing that it's not very much his own sound, I'm arguing that it's just not very good.
SIZZLA: I've got to disagree there, I'm afraid. I really like it. It's so grinding and urgent and that sums up the mood of the track perfectly. I think Skinner has hit the nail on the head here.
BEEFHEART: Hear, hear.
WAITS: I'm going to give it three out of five.
BEEFHEART: I'll give it four.
SIZZLA: Yeah, four from me too.

4/5

day in the dizzle

STUMPY D'S DIARY: OCTOBER 16 2006

4.55am Awake early after bad dreams. Usual Foskett stuff but capped by final one where I am trapped under the udder of a large cow. Suckling. Relieved to find sheets dry; perhaps the bad thing is slowly disappearing.

6.32am Jolted out of watery sleep by more horrific nightmares. Still under the udder but not suckling. Queue is too long.

7.14am Laundrette with sheets.

8.31am Phone call from Mum. My first for weeks. She sounds worried after I confess thoughts of suicide, but seems more concerned with talking about Sheila from the pool who is pregnant at 51. i mime shock and feign interest but i am more engrossed with my own problems. buy milk for ricicles but cow dream is still fresh in my mind; have half a grapefruit instead.

9.00am Quick cry.

10.10am Phone call from Boonsie. Westwood interview has been pushed back to 10pm tonight. I ask what he is doing up so early and he confesses smugly that he hasn't been bed. he claims to have been up all night with a 22 year old Swedish girl, but seems to have forgotten that 3g is video phone and i can quite clearly see a naked, semi-aroused man massaging his back.

12.00am Lunch alone at Pizza Hut. Use vouchers; 30% off ice cream factory.

12.34am Have just measured myself and am delighted to find that I have grown three inches since Tuesday! Maybe things are looking up for the Dizzle!

12.37am Have just realised i was wearing heels. i have not grown an inch.

12.38am Racked with paranoia about the heels. Have i had them on all day and not noticed? must be more careful in future.

1.45pm Soundclash. i feel as if i am losing my feel for these things. three out five soundboys murked and seven riddims pulled up, though. not bad going i suppose. plus i rained a fair amount of fire pon babylon before leaving.

2.50pm Outside Wayne Foskett's house; in the rose bed. I wished he hadn't cut back the rhodedenrum - it was far comfier. watch him for a while before finally getting up the confidence to make a threatening phone call. lose my nerve when he answers and ask if John is there. fate deals me another in a long line of blows to the face as it turns out Wayne's dad is called John. He gets him and i am forced to listen to a forty five minute anecdote about the time John spent in 1971 with a venetian prostitute called Marta. he never once asks who i am or why i am calling. end up arranging to meet him for a drink later; it is the only way i can get him off the phone.

4.21pm At the studio. Wil E Coyote, Lego Man and Dooza want me to trow down 16 on their new riddim 'Molest Dem'. Coyote is strangely subdued and I find out from Lee, the sound engineer, that he has been charged for possession of and intent to sell class A drugs. This is really worrying, as the sentence can be up to Fourteen years. as we are all leaving, coyote asks me to hold onto a large bag of flour that he has brought with him; i accept obviously - he is a great mate.

4.23pm Coyote, the idiot, leaves without remebering to get the flour off me! what an idiot! i call him and tell him, but he says i can hang onto it for a while if i like. what do i want with a bag of flour?

6.29pm Measure myself. still no growth. anywhere. if you know what i mean.

6.31pm I meant my genitals.

9.01pm Back home after drink in the Dog & Duck pub with John Foskett. He's actually not that bad a guy. it bewilders me how his son turned out to be the anti-christ.

9.31pm After a quick cry, Boonsie picks me up to go to Radio 1 off Great Portland Street. Meet Moira Stewart on the way in and get her autograph. I ask her if she is here often for BBC news but it turns out that she has come in to throw down a quick freestyle for westwood.

10.59pm Boonsie, Westwood and I head to a local curry house to wind down after the interview. it went fairly well, except Boonsie - who is older than he looks - kept getting faulklands flashbacks due to Westwood's constant bomb sfx. i have lamb bhuna, boonise has prawn korma and westwood has egg and chips. he claims he "can't stand these foreign bastards and their odd food".

12.03am Prison. Returned home to find armed police raiding my house and taking photos of my heels. Coyote, whose favourite star wars character is Lando Calrissian, is there too, having tipped øff the boy dem. I am still not quite sure with what i am being charged but the flour is gone and so are my sheets.

12.05am Just remembered, sheets are at laundrette. Have to pick them up tomorrow.

For more on Stumpy D, check www.myspace.com/stumpydizzle ya bumba bludclat