whole heap of fuckery

SINGLE REVIEWS WITH SIZZLA, TOM WAITS and CAPTAIN BEEFHEART.

1. LLOYD BANKS ft. 50 CENT - Hands Up (Interscope)

WAITS: Who the fuck buys this stuff?
SIZZLA: I didn't think it was that bad.
WAITS: I've never known anyone in G Unit to do anything original, ever.
BEEFHEART: Jane Eyre was quite original at the time.
WAITS: Jane Eyre is by Charlotte Bronte.
BEEFHEART: I know. I'm just saying, Jane Eyre was pretty original when it was published.
SIZZLA: The simple fact is, like everything, this is a question of taste. If you like what G Unit are about, then you'll like this single.
WAITS: That's so fucking typical of you, Sizzla. You're such a fence-sitter.
SIZZLA: What does that mean?
WAITS: You know exactly what it means.
SIZZLA: If this is about Sarah, just come out and say it.
WAITS: OK, it's about Sarah.
SIZZLA: You're pathetic, you know that.
WAITS: I'M pathetic? This is coming from someone who actively encourages 'fire pon chi chi men'?
SIZZLA: That was a long time ago, Tom. You're out of order bringing that up.
BEEFHEART: Perhaps we should get back to the single.
SIZZLA: Perhaps we should.
WAITS: OK, well it's Eminem on production which doesn't exactly fill one with hope.
SIZZLA: Meaning what?
WAITS: Well, he's a great rapper but I don't have a huge amount of respect for him as a producer.
SIZZLA: The problem with reviewing this G Unit stuff is that, like you said, it's fairly interchangeable. This is a good pop hip hop song; it's bouncy, it's catchy, some of Banks' MCing is better than you might think-
BEEFHEART: Yeah, there's some double and triple syllable rhyming in the second verse.
SIZZLA: Exactly. And to top it all off, it's got Fiddy drooling all over the chorus. As I said before, if you're all about G Unit you'll love this, but I doubt it will convert any non-believers.

3/5

THE STREETS ft. Leo the Lion, Skepta, Ghetto, Tinchy Stryder, Wretch 32 etc etc - Prangin Out (REMIX) (679/The Beats)

BEEFHEART: Well, this is going to cause problems, isn't it?
WAITS: You all know where I stand here.
BEEFHEART: At the end of the day, you can't fault Mike Skinner on two fronts: firstly, he has the foresight and sheer drive to put out one of these grime remixes for pretty much every single he releases and secondly, he clearly knows what he's doing because he always chooses the best. Think about the list of MCs that have been on his and the Mitchell Brothers' remixes. You've got Kano, Lady Sovereign, Bruza, D Double E, Tinchy Stryder, most of Roll Deep, JME, Bearman and now Skepta and Ghetto. That's a pretty good roster.
WAITS: What about Jammer, Wiley and Dizzee?
SIZZLA: I think he asked them on for this one but it clashed with the Chelsea Flower Show. Jammer was judging the shrubs.
BEEFHEART: Jammer can judge my shrubs any day, if you know what I mean.
WAITS: What do you mean?
BEEFHEART: I mean I've got three or four shrubs and I'd really value his opinion on them.
WAITS: Oh right.
SIZZLA: Well to get back to this single, I agree that the people he gets on his tunes are always very good - and the fact is, it's a great platform for up and coming MCs that you probably wouldn't get to see anywhere else. I've been watching Devilman for a while and it's nice to see him finally get some recognition.
BEEFHEART: I genuinely think the beat isn't bad either. Skinner gets a lot of stick for his beats being too simple and sounding the same but at least he's got a sound. Most producers spend their whole lives wishing they could break the mould and coin a certain sound of their own.
WAITS: I'm not arguing that it's not very much his own sound, I'm arguing that it's just not very good.
SIZZLA: I've got to disagree there, I'm afraid. I really like it. It's so grinding and urgent and that sums up the mood of the track perfectly. I think Skinner has hit the nail on the head here.
BEEFHEART: Hear, hear.
WAITS: I'm going to give it three out of five.
BEEFHEART: I'll give it four.
SIZZLA: Yeah, four from me too.

4/5