THIS IS.................: Can you judge a reggae album by its cover?

I recently bought two reggae albums purely on the strength of their front cover artwork. But is the old saying true? Is it really foolhardy to judge a book (or CD) by its cover? Let's find out!

1. Ranking Ann - Something Fishy Going On (£2 from Record & Tape Exchange, Soho)

So what's all this about, then? Well, let's break down the scene. Ranking Ann - a keen angler - is out on a fishing trip. Having baited her hook and cast her line, she waits patiently for a bite from an easily-duped mackerel or gullible cod. However, when she finally feels a tug at the end of her rod, she soon realises it's not a fish that's doing the tugging. Oh no. It's a bloody submarine! She's pulled up a bloody nuclear sub! As the vessel's bow penetrates the ocean's murky lid, all hell breaks loose. Torpedoes topple from the heavens like giant cylindrical raindrops; dark grey mushroom clouds explode on the horizon; great white sharks emerge from the depths in a surprisingly well-choreographed chorus line. It's at this precise moment that Ann decides "something fishy" is definitely "going on".

Understandably angered and confused by the day's events, she returns immediately to her studio in order to create an unflinchingly political reggae record. "Me hear a whisper inna Westminster", she claims on the title track, "Lord dem ah chat bout nuclear war".

However, despite this initial dalliance with Cold War rhetoric, in addition to the clear political agenda hinted at by the cover, there's actually very little revolutionary content on 'Something Fishy Going On'. In fact, Ann spends most of the album either rhythmically spelling her own name (on 'Call Me Ranking Ann') or bewailng the over-zealous sexual advances of today's disco-dwelling males (on 'Stop Romance Inna Dance').

So, there you have it. If 'Something Fishy Going On' is anything to go by, you CANNOT judge a reggae album by its cover. Here's 'Stop Romance Inna Dance' for your listening pleasure:

NB. It's also worth mentioning, as you can see from this link, that the flute parts on 'Something Fishy Going On' were performed by one Kate (Katie?) Holmes. Could this be the same Katie (Kate?) Holmes who won our hearts as Joey Potter, the attractive tomboy-next-door in 'Dawson's Creek', before wedding a diminutive cocktail-shaking Scientologist? Maybe. But - let's face it - probably not.

2. Professor Frisky - Rougher (£0.99 from Christmas Bargain Warehouse Sale, Leicester Square)

While there may be more action on the front of Ranking Ann's cover, Frisky's artwork is certainly no less amusing. Indeed, the name 'Professor Frisky' is in itself inherently comedic. The idea of a man who is so frisky that he's actually gained a qualification permitting him to deliver lectures on friskiness, is quite clearly a very funny one.

Anyway, listening to 'Rougher', we find once again that both the title and cover of this album are wholly misleading. While Frisky certainly looks the part of the ladykilling 'badman' in the picture above, many of the songs on this record are, in fact, of a deeply spiritual (and therefore not particularly 'rough') nature. 'God Alone' finds the Professor hammering home the importance of the Almighty in all our lives, reminding us - in case we've forgotten - that the Big Man Upstairs created "all the animals like you and me: cows, goats, horse and donkey". While his knowledge of the animal kingdom clearly doesn't extend much beyond the British farmyard, you have to admit that Frisky has a point here. Conversely, on 'Jah Is Not Sleeping', the Prof paints the Lord in a much more human light, depicting him less as an omnipotent deity and more as a weary insomniac.

So, there you go. Two reggae albums, two misleading covers. There's nothing on youtube from 'Rougher' itself, but here's the Professor in action on a song called 'Man Fi Strong':