Coping With Melancholia and Other Everyday Nuisances

In London you can estimate your black bile by remembering the last time you felt a cool breeze on your face. Straying along the cracked tiles of my front garden chilled my heart because the sensation of the frigid air felt eerily fresh. So I took a detour from my usual meander to the parade. I picked the last paper from my battered Rizla packet and stuck my headphones in my ears.

The first refuge is self medication. For Melancholia I prescribe rippling lithium, cheaper then intoxication and with less side effects. Music cuts cleaner then a scalpel and deeper then a drill. There is something synesthesiastic about it that goes without explanation because you just feel it.


“Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose,
Nothin’ ain’t worth nothin’ but it’s free,
Feeling good was easy while Bobby sung the blues,
Feeling good was good enough for me,
Good enough for me and Bobby Mcgee.”

Johnny Cash - Me and Bobby Mcgee

Other songs to roll and walk to:

Jelly Roll Morton - Pretty Baby (Tony Jackson Song from 1916 in the Congress Recordings)

James Brown - Lost Someone (Live in 1963 at the Apollo)

Sona Diabate - Nassannaba (Performed with Bembeya Jazz National)

Davy Graham & Shirley Collins - Hori-Hori

Nico - These Days

John Holt - Strange Things

MF Doom - Lemon Grass (Instrumental from Special Herbs Vol. 3-4)

Durer implies there is a thin line between inspiration and despair. Life is never as bad as it seems or as good as it ought to be. So I tend to teeter between the two.

Saturday

PS

Is Tom dead or passed out on a pile of porn?

3 BAR BASHMENT!!

Hello there,
Our friends over at 3barfire recently invited us to 'clash' them on their monthly radio show on Samurai FM. We come in about 20 minutes in -




The Tracklisting for the mix is:
11. DJ Illo Vs 50 Cent 'Ayo Technology' - CDR / Coki 'Torture' - Tempa
12. South Rakkas Crew Feat New Kids 'Get Mad Again' - Mad Decent
13. Siriusmo 'Wow' (Modeselektor Edit) - CDR
14. Thom Yorke 'Eraser' (Xxxchange Mix) - Xl
15. Metro Area 'Miura' (Re-Edit) - White
16. Hot Chip 'Shake A Fist' - EMI
17. Rodion 'Electric Soca' (Crookers Mix) - Gomma
18. Dave Nada 'Spell On You' - T&A
19. Kano 'I M Ready' - Metronome
20. Andy Caldwell 'Warrior' (Claude Von Stroke Mix) – Om
21. Ja Rule Feat Lil' Wayne 'Uh Oh' - CDR
22. Unknown 'This Is How I Roll' - CDR

If that wasn't enough we will also be at the 3barfire Xmas Party. This will be extra special as the entire extended ruffhousing family will be in attendance as:
Alma Douce aka Nivea Visage
Flava D aka The Garlic Gentlemen
Tom Troublesome aka Percee Weezly
and Reecha aka Colin Creevey

will be nicing up the dance. There is a projector so we'll probabaly be playing a mixture of 'National Lampoon's Xmas Vacation', 'Planes, Train and Automobiles' and 'Schindler's List' to get into the christmas spirit.

RUFFHOUSING 50th POST

What you are reading here represents a big fat fucking milestone in blogger history. This is Ruffhousing's 50th post. To celebrate, we thought we'd fill a little felt pouch full of all our best bits from the past year or so and present it here. However, upon closer inspection, it became apparent that there weren't any. So instead, here is a video containing advice for females on what to do if their boyfriend is mistreating them:

BUN HIMMMMM!!!!



More actual posts soon.

Lots of love,

Trouble. xx

Records I Bought Last Week...

More food for thought…


Kanye West – Graduation (Roc-A-Fella, new release)

Kanye West has a massive ol’ heeeead but then again it is quite justified – two almost classic albums and a slew of superfluous beats for other artists. However, after this album it might be time for a wee scamp with a pin to deflate young Mr. West’s head somewhat. Street single ‘Can’t tell me nothing’ (actually spelt with the G) is a cracker, with a great spoof video on http://www.kanyewest.com/. But chart single ‘Stronger’ quickly got annoying, even with its quite original deployment of a Daft Punk sample (I say original but Busta did the same a while back with ‘Touch it’), and ‘Drunk and hot girls’ is the worst thing he has ever done. Everybody seems to have picked up on his use of synths on the album. These do make for a slightly different sound in comparison to the last two albums but they could have been used to more a more interesting end. The album also lacks the strong songs of the first two records and Kanye’s crate digging appears to be getting lazier – the use of Steely Dan’s ‘Kid Charlemagne’ on ‘Champion’ is catchy but a bit obvious.

Having said all that Kanye’s third is still better and more packed full than most other hip hop artists out there. It’s just with a track record and ego like Kanye’s I think he could and should have done better.


Animal Collective – Strawberry Jam (Domino, new release)

The Animal Collective are not a rag-tag gang of assorted misfit mammals, reptiles, amphibians and birds but a bunch of noisy yanks that might quite an interesting and original racket. Their sounds is hard to describe but they are almost like The Shins meets Clap Hand Say Yeah with a pinch of a less jazzy Battles…if such a thing can be imagined. They’re an experimental group with an apparently shifting line-up. The album doesn’t make easy listening but it does make rewarding listening, with new qualities and touches revealed upon each listen. Worth peepin’ if you like that sort of thing (I certainly do) but if you want summat snappy and instantly catchy then look elsewhere.

Elmore Judd – Insect Funk (Honest Jon’s, new release)

This really is quite an original little album from an artist, I must confess, I had never heard of before. The album title pretty much sums up the album’s sound neatly in two words. It’s on some creepy-crawly, white boy soul type vibe – and is all the better for it! Opening track ‘Pirate song’ is a soul funk sea shanty replete with accordion that creeps right under your skin. The rest of the album follows a similar lo-fi funk direction with hushed falsetto vocals and lots of brushed cymbals. One tune (‘Funky nerd’) features the lyric ‘I’m a sneaky freaky geeky human being’ which is pretty much spot on, as there is a sexiness in the organs, synths, horns, strings and funky bass lines. A mystical stew pot of an album that is definitely worth checking out.

Blak Twang – Help Dem Lord (Rotton Production, new release)

Mr Taipanic can be a bit hit and miss. Luckily though this is one of his hits; not that it’ll be a hit though, its UK hip hop for god’s sake - about as saleable as a big barrel of Aids. The main reason for the tracks success in pleasing my little ears is the beat from Firstman, which is based on a sample from ‘Happiness Stan’ by Small Faces, from the brilliant Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake album. Righteous lyrics and a dope beat – not bad.

Beastie Boys – Electric Worm b/w Suco Detangerina (Capitol, new release)

The album this single was taken from (The Mix-Up) got decidedly average reviews when it was released, which in my (possibly slightly biased) view were quite harsh. The Beastie Boys make a decent noise when they hit their lounge style up; and the album features their best playing to date. Apparently they’re gonna re-do the album with ‘a bunch or British people’ laying down vocals over their instrumentals…should be interesting. Anyway, these are two of the most memorable tracks on the album, but as a single are for completists only.

Aesop Rock – None Shall Pass (Def Jux, new release)

Aesop Rock is a bit of a divider of opinion. This album may well be what unites opinion on the exceptionally gifted emcee. The beats are more accessible and funky, while his flow has become less jarring and nasal. The vast majority is handled by Blockhead as with previous career high Labor Days, however the man at the helm of Def Jux, El-P, does appear for a track and a handle of tracks are self produced (something that bogged down last album Bazooka Tooth a bit, but works well this time around).

The production definitely has a less claustrophobic, more feel good feel compared to Bazooka Tooth but could never be called poppy. The style is dark but open and very much bass line driven over the 14 tracks. Title track ‘None shall pass’ is a definite highlight, as well as the appearance of Breezly Brewin’ (star of Prince Paul’s opus A Prince Among Thieves) on ‘Getaway car’.

This is Aesop’s most accessible album to date, right up there with Labor Days. That’s not to say he’s gone soft though, he still kicks it hard over hard beats. Probably a good album to introduce you to the Def Jux sound.

Kid Acne – Romance Ain’t Dead (Lex, new release)

Once again another quality little Lex release packed full of originality – imagine Run DMC meets Sham 69, with a South Yorkshire accent… The beats have a distinctly old school feel (BDP, Slick Rick etc) with ‘South Yorks’ even sampling ‘South Bronx’ by BDP. While the lyrics and flow kicked by the Kid are similarly rudimentary. And it’s this back to basics approach that makes it such a refreshing release in the sphere of UK hip hop, where most other mcs try and fit a million syllables into every line. This album is straight up fun, a fucking rarity in UK hip hop. The punk tracks fit well next to the hip hop tracks – most of which have damn catchy choruses. The album also weighs in at a meagre 30 minutes, which is almost like an EP in the hip hop world, but hip hop albums are too long any, so safe – another nice change. Basically a great hip hop album this ain’t, a whole heap of fun and good humour it is.

Gallows – Orchestra of Wolves (Warner, 2007)

Punk is dead. No matter what any hardcore fan tells you, punk really is dead. This, however, is a great punk album. They do still get made you know. I wish I’d seen Gallows live (I will be at the next opportunity if Frank Carter doesn’t decide to jack it in), as lot of my friends have and sing their praises highly. This is an album FULL of energy, and while a lot of bands of their type can’t back up their energy with songs, Gallows certainly can. ‘Abandon ship’ and new single ‘In the belly of a shark’ are both fucking crackers but don’t massively outshine the rest of the album, which is a testament to its strength in depth. If you haven’t bought a ‘punk’ album in a while, buy this fucker. It’ll kick you fucking face off. Yes.

TOP 5: HORRIFIC REGGAE COVER VERSIONS

Personally, I love all reggae and I won't hear a bad word against it. However, having said that, a lot of it is shit and I hate it.

The main reason for this occasional hatred is the supreme unreliability of those pesky Rastas. Sure, they make some good tunes, but nine times out of ten - when they're not shouting at gays or shunning pork products - they're off making horrific cover versions. Here are the five worst:

1. Beres Hammond – Just Like A Woman (Bob Dylan)


We kick off with a track taken from the album 'Is It Rolling Bob?'; an ill-advised collection of reggae takes on popular Dylan songs. On ‘Just Like A Woman’, Beres Hammond transforms the beautiful, cottony feel of Bob's excellent original into what is essentially the sound of 2 for 1 Cocktail Evening on a cruise ship. A desperately poor and ludicrously cheesy effort.

2. Eek-A-Mouse – Georgie Porgie (Anon - Traditional Nursery Rhyme)


Eek-A-Mouse has been known to claim, “I eat with my gun, I sleep with my gun, I even clean my teeth with my gun”. However, this hardman act loses more than a little weight upon listening to the track above, on which the pinball-voiced 'singjay' regales us with the age-old anecdote about that feckless romantic, Georgie Porgie, and his failed attempts at seduction. What the hell is the Mouse doing here? He’s a master spinner of yarns involving the smuggling of ganja, the loving of virgin girls and, as you can see above, the use of firearms in preventing plaque. He’s not a fucking reggae version of Jack-a-nory. This is a messy stain on an otherwise perfectly spotless reputation.

3. Big Youth – It's Not Unusual (Tom Jones)


I wish I was friends with Big Youth. Not just because he's very tall and black, but also because I could have taken him aside before he went into the booth to record this version of 'It's Not Unusual' by boisterous Welsh audio sex-pest, Tom Jones. The conversation would have gone like this:

Me: Alright, Big Youth?
Big Youth: Yeah, I'm alright.
Me: You're looking very tall and black today.
BY: Cheers.
Me: What you up to now?
BY: Just going to record a song.
Me: Oh, wicked. Is it another groundbreaking, amp-shuddering dub classic?
BY: No, it's a deeply average version of 'It's Not Unusual' by boisterous Welsh audio sex-pest, Tom Jones.
Me: That's a bad idea, Big Youth.
BY: Is it?
Me: Yes. Go and record another groundbreaking, amp-shuddering dub classic.
BY: OK. Thanks for the advice, Tim.
Me: It's Tom.
BY: Whatever.

4. Anthony Cruz – Stay Awake (Aerosmith – I Don't Want To Miss A Thing)


Hopefully you won't have heard of Anthony Cruz. If you haven't, then well done. If you have, please go immediately to the nearest live land mine and give it a good, hard kick. Really boot it. With your toe, not the side of your foot. Really punt it. Go on, give it a proper kicking; don't be shy. You weren't shy at HMV when you bought this piece of shit record, were you, you musically-castrated cunt? There are deaf people in this world who would do anything for a pair of working ears, and you use yours to listen to a talentless Jamaican man with a vocoder covering flaccid stadium rock power ballads.

Anyway, I own this song. As you might have guessed, it's not very good. Candy-floss synths and Rice Krispie crackle-drums emulate Aerosmith's weepy, windswept anthem while Cruz wanks along half-heartedly on the vocal. Dreadful.

5. Yellowman – We Wish You A Reggae Christmas (Anon – Bastardized Christmas Carol)


Well, what more ear-gougingly horrendous way to end this list than with the decade-long winner of the 'Jamaica's Oddest-Looking Man' Competition: Yellowman. This song is his chirpy, reggae take on the popular Yuletide staple, 'We Wish You A Merry Christmas'. This song features the chorus line, “we wish you a reggae Christmas, and a reggae New Year”. This song would reduce even the blackest-hearted, coldest-blooded criminal warlord to a shrieking, sobbing heap of shredded Kleenex. This song should be the stock component in the rucksack of any international terrorist or perverted sado-masochist. This song should be pumped into the ears of convicted murderers and rapists twenty-four hours a day. This song should be Guantanamo Bay's theme tune.

On the plus side, Yellowman does namecheck a lot of excellent reggae singers (Sizzla, Anthony B etc) and tell them, inexplicably, that they’re “welcome”. “Welcome” to what, we can’t be sure. Possibly to appearing on the single worst reggae song of all time.

DUN KNOW THE BLOGSPOT

Tommy Troublesome

Records I Bought This Week...

Every week I buy several to many (depending on inspiration and funding) records. I always have to have new music on my shelf or I feel, hmmm, well just odd really. Anyway, I have decided to start telling you about my weekly purchases, as you might find my ramblings of a modicum of interest. And so without further ado, here are the records I bought this week (well last week really)…



The Coral – Roots & Echoes (Deltasonic, new release)

The Coral’s 5th and best since their 2nd. After the patchy disappointment of the Portishead produced last album this is a return to form. Skelly’s song writing ability keeps growing and growing, with this his most mature selection yet. The album has a lovely earthy feel, something that The Invisible Invasion lacked sorely lacked. The bands little psych freak-outs are just about still there, better deployed on this release than any since their brilliant debut, but have been mostly replaced by far more mature, less ‘I’m a stoner, check out mystical gobbledegook’ songs. A major highlight is Bill Ryder-Jones’ guitar which is superfluous throughout. Good news as he left the band for a while, almost resulting in their break-up. After coming back from the edge, The Coral have come up with their best collection of songs to date. Peep it.

Tunng – Good Arrows (Full Time Hobby, new release)

I’ve seen Tunng live twice now, both times at Moseley Folk Festival (http://www.myspace.com/moseleyfolk), and their growth as a band is as hugely evident on stage as it is on their second album, Good Arrows. They’re a folk band but not as we know it – current line up includes a percussionist, three guitarists (all of whom sing), a beautiful girl that plays gadgets and also sings and a DJ/sample triggerer/drum programmer type bloke. The basic premise for this album is nice layer vocals over folky guitars, beats and noises. Funny little songs and funny little things, ‘a cracking little album,’ said I.

Shape of Broad Minds – Craft of the Lost Art (Lex, new release)

Lex is one of those new labels where everything they release seems to be quality, a bit like Rawkus and Def Jux used to be. This release is no different. I only bought it because it was on Lex and it was a total stab in the dark. I wasn’t disappointed. Dark, murky, funk infused beats, a bit like a Lootpack for ’07. It’s quite long at 23 tracks but well worth ploughing through in its entirety; some tracks like ‘Opr8r’ are even quite catchy. It seems that main man Jneiro Jarel is quite a talented wee chappy and chooses some good names to pop up with cameo’s – MF Doom, Count Bass D… One of the best, and most different sounding (i.e. not backpack) independent hip hop albums of the last few years.

Dr Who Dat? – Beat Journey (Lex, 2006)

Sitting within spitting distance of the Shape of Broad Minds album was this, also on Lex. Dr Who Dat? is a member of SBM and this is an album comprised entirely of his instrumental works. The beats are quite expansive having a nice open feel to them, often having several samples weaving in and out of each other creating quite a jazzy (due to the nature of the samples) and layered sound. Unlike a lot of instrumental hip hop albums, say ones my certain turnablists, its not just a showcase scratching skills – in fact there isn’t really any noticeable on the album, which makes a nice change. The emphasis is on abstract but accessible beats that reveal more with each listen. An album best enjoyed at night, preferably whilst driving.

The White Stripes - Icky Thump (XL, new release)

I used to think The White Stripes were crap. I mean I liked ‘Hello Operator’ and bought its parent album De Stijl because it was alright. Thought that White Blood Cells was derivative bollox and looked on perplexed as the entire planet gave ‘Seven Nation Army’ a thorough and exhaustive rim job (I means its ok but Christ!). I also thought the album it was taken from, Elephant, was a load of gash. It was only ‘Doorbell’ and the rest of the Get Behind Me Satan album that made me really take notice, and Icky Thump has made me continue to pay attention. The guitars that left briefly for Satan are back this time around and Jack serves up some of his best riffs to date with a more beefed up sound. Singles, ‘Icky Thump’ and ‘You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You’re Told)’ are great little openers for the album and set the tone well. While the lack of much guitar on Satan focussed the attention on Jack’s songs, this album is distinctly guitar led but also has songs to ensure repeated listens. A big album packed full of quality Americana and even some fucking bagpipes!

Fairport Convention – Liege and Lief (Island, 1969)

Fucking straight up stone cold classic! Not really sure why another reissue was needed, they did one only a few years back. This is one of Universal’s Deluxe series with a second cd of outtakes and BBC sessions, a couple of which are quite essential. I saw Fairport this weekend at Moseley Folk Festival and although a tad cheesy they were as tight as fuck (little Dave ‘I’ve got new lungs’ Swarbrick even made an appearance for a couple of tracks). Anyway, the extra cd is a nice little bonus but it’s the main album that is all killer no filler. I can’t be arsed to go on about it because you can read about it elsewhere in more depth than I can afford here – ‘The most important folk album of all time’ proclaims the cover. Not a bad shout. As Missy said, ‘Cop dat shit.’

M.I.A – Kala (XL, new release)

The first time I saw M.I.A was on Pop World; a monkey pissed on her and she came over as an absolute moron. Her first album, Arular, came out and everybody bummed it – I still thought she was a moron but had to concede to the fact that I would dance to ‘Galang’ when pissed. Kala is her second album and I pretty sure I don’t she’s a moron anymore. Darker, more political and peppered with nods to distinctly ‘whiter’ music (Jonathon Richman and Pixies for example), Kala is a winner. Tracks like ‘Bamboo Banga’ and ’20 Dollar’ do indeed bang, although the Timbaland collaboration is a bit of a disappointment. If you’re feeling a bit cool and worldly this week, this is definitely an album worth checking out.

Talk Talk - Laughing Stock (Polydor, 1991)

I’m a big fan of Talk Talk and have been looking for this album for ages. It’s not currently available in this country, even though the others have been the subject of nice reissues (it was released by Polydor not EMI) but I managed to finally pick it up as a nice cheap import in HMV (£9.99). Basically the evolution that had been occurring since the bands debut continues with this, their final album. Even more jazz infused than Spirit of Eden but without the synth-y feel, this album is another Mark Hollis helmed masterpiece. His hushed vocals hit perfectly in this organic sounding mix of ambience, jazz (think Miles’ In a Silent Way), found sounds and splashes of quietly crunching guitars. An album that really has to be heard…

Foals – Matheletics (Transgressive, new release)

Trendy little indie band make vital sounding single, fail to follow through with decent album. Happens every bloody week. Blame the NME. My brother tells me their first single sounded similar but better, so seems that the same may be true again. Prove me wrong you skinny little bastards.

Super Furry Animals – Hey Venus! (Rough Trade, new release)

I ain’t gonna lie to you, I fucking love the Super Furries. They’re simply a great British band. However, a couple of albums back they hit cruise control. Lucky for them they set this cruise control in ‘High Quality’ mode. The only problem with them at the moment is that although they keep churning out consistently good albums, they seem to be devoid of their moments of shear brilliance and genius. For instance Hey Venus! doesn’t have a single on it, let alone something that could compete with past greats in the ilk of ‘Northern Lights’, ‘Juxtaposed With You’ or ‘Herman Loves Pauline’. This is evidenced in the cool little single ‘Show Your Hand’ totally failing to hit the Top 40, while the album was this week’s highest new entry at 11. Basically, what SFA have given us is another great little album (short and sweet at 35 minutes) just lacking in their invention of old. Not to say it isn’t inventive though, there are more ideas on here than a band like Kaiser Chiefs could come up with in a whole time, like I said there just aren’t the highs of old. I will say however, that the cover is the worst of their career…


Samyo

We Nah Beg Friend With Informer

OK, let's kick things off with this.



Now let's move things up a gear with this:



Now let's tone the whole thing down with this:



Nice.

And another thing....

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

For Drips and Scribbles; Part One

Leaning over the bin in my bedroom I stood whittling a broken pencil. Fashioning a small piece of graphite into a point put me into a meditative state. All thoughts had vanished from my mind. Giving up all hope of remembering the instant of genius that had persuaded me to lift the cool pillow from my face I decided to start googling.

“Bollocks!”

I can not honestly remember whether I said it out loud or not. I had stumbled across an obituary for a ghost called Nike. The Hong-Kong police had driven the world’s number one ripper and distributor of JAV and Gravure underground after some hack had written an article about them. My skin began to itch.

All the frivolous and licentious cultural icons of Nippon were gone. Outside the almost unconscious influence of the gaming industry the twin worlds of JAV and Gravure are the most influential force to emanate from the east, closely followed by Anime and Manga.




I have to admit to a devious curiosity of objects that exist for the single purpose of mindless gratification. I can not imagine a better argument for the superiority of human civilisation over all nature then to compare the rabbit God made and the one we did. It makes me smile when I realise how much effort we put into the carnal arts. I do not see why we essentially deny their existence, even though we produce more of it than just about anything else. I do not remember it ever being mentioned in my film-history classes the extreme close up (one of the more significant film innovations) was developed by early pornographers.


Celebrate the brilliance of Japanese pornography while we still have it. Revel in the insanity of it all. Give in to immoral exhaustion and the habitual ritual of sleep deprivation caused buy visual stimulation. The most superfluous aspects of JAV can inject enjoyment to your life. Browse the new releases simply to scrutinise the hysterical engrish. See how lost in translation you can get. I’ll start you off if you want.


These are all genuine titles from recent JAV films with their actual matching covers!




Tutor And Mother Daughter Donburi! Three Generations Of Women! Second Helpings, Eat As Much As You Like!




I Can't Stop My Incontinence




Mother's Milk And Lesbian Family

Piss Shower Sprinkler

Former Ballerina Ultra Soft Body! Real Reggae Dancer Third Dance! Magnificent Hips Nakadashi!

Sweet Lip, Let Me Turn Up Your Labia

I can not even imagine a world where stuff like this was not freely available at the click of a mouse. It is a world not worth living in.

Saturday

Coming Soon!

Kawaii comes in spurts! I got a gut feeling...

You'll have to excuse my friend, he has Tourette's

Ever since Pete from Big Brother invented the condition known as Tourette's syndrome in 2006 it’s been everywhere – kids spontaneously shout ‘WANKER!!!’ at me in the streets all the time. Hell, what’s wrong with rocking a Dashiki and a Jeri curl in ’07?

That Pete gay is a bit like Alexander Graham Bell though – neither of them invented the telephone and neither of them invented Tourette’s. No, Tourette’s was actually was actually invented by some Scottish bloke in the Seventies. Little is known of the man, apart from the fact that he could be rather inappropriately rude and embarrassing to be around…

Tourette’s is in fact now so cool that it has become ‘urban’. Hip hop, Grime and RnB artists all over the world seem to have developed their own individual ‘ticks’. RnB seems to have been hit by a rather worrying tick of pandemic levels with almost every artists of the genre yelping the word ‘baby’ involuntarily whenever they open their silly formulaic little mouths (I am not an angry man).

It’s the Tourette’s in the other ‘urban’ (what an awful word used by wankers – maybe those kids had a point) realms that are far more interesting. With this in mind here’s a few of the more notable artists and their ticks –



Flavor Flav (Public Enemy)

Good old Flavor eh? Not only was he a true innovator in the world of hip hop, jeweller and being a crack head, he was also the first hip hop artist to suffer from Tourette’s. Flavor’s tick, ‘Yeeeeaahh Boyeeeee!!’ can be heard all over Public enemy’s records and became a truly synonymous with the PE sound.

One unfortunate outburst of his famous tick got him in quite a sticky situation whilst trekking through Bed Stuy back in the day - Flav bawled passed a couple of thugs sounding out a confused young male for being a homosexual, and asking the question, ‘So, you like girls or boys? Punk ass faggot’, Flav had to 01* rather sharpish when he inadvertently answered for the young puff.

* 01 is short for 0121, which means ‘do one’ for all you none Brum heads



Scratchy (Roll Deep)

Roll Deep’s white boy and possibly best mc is also a prime example of a Tourette’s sufferer. Scratchy’s tick is his trade mark warrior call. This derives from his little known Native American or Original People’s roots. Although he likes to try and keep it under his ponytail, Scratchy is actually a direct descendent of Big Chief Rapid Chat of the Sioux Indians. It is well documented that Rapid Chat had a tick of his very own. Famous American historian Clayton Deathroll said this of him, ‘The first time I met Big Chief Rapid Chat he screamed ‘Eski!!’ and then violently sodomized me’.



Timbaland

All time super producer and unfathomable idiot (why give everybody else actually songs and just fill your album with party and bullshit?) has laced a damn high percentage of his tracks with his gibberish, turntable Tourette’s. His incessant ‘freaky, freaky’ in a mock scratch style becomes quite hilarious when noticed. He seriously drops it all too frequently for it to be a ‘hooky’ part of his production sound – the boy has Tourette’s! Or maybe he just feels freaky all the time. Either way the man is clearly unwell.



Jadakiss

Supposed ‘real’ MC, Jadakiss (get some beats fool), tries hard to disguise his tick but it’s still easy to spot if you know what you’re looking for. Why would a grown ass man do a weird coughy, laughy, choking nose on half of his tracks? Because the bloke clearly has Tourette's. In fact I can’t even be arsed to write about him because it might not actually be Tourette’s – he might just be a nob…



On that not I think I’ll say, ‘Piss Off!’ But do try and spot your own CUNTS! suffering from Tourette’s Syndrome, they’re FUCKING! everywhere…



Samuel

ADIEU

JA RULE IS BACK!

No I'm being serious. I never thought i would say this but it appears Ja Rule has gone and made probabaly the best rap track of the summer. Somehow he managed to find time away from his busy schedule campaigning for Mayor of New Jersey to hook up with everyones favourite adoptee (and possibily the only rapper smaller than Ja himself) Lil' Wayne ('Lil' get it?).
Seriously if you can listen to this and not screwface you have no soul.




Controversially enough, apparently the two got arrested the other day in America - i d like to think that the arrests had something to do with them doing a pa of the track and then going berzerk and mass murdering the entire crowd - however it is much more likely it was the usual hip hop thing of ganbanging a 14yr old puerto rican girl named Cha Cha.

If you would like to know more about the impending sexual assault charges that may or may not be falling upon Ja (or any other rapper for that matter) then head on over to our bestest friend in the whole wide world 3 Bar Fire where you can also read lots of other music news as well as the odd post from ruffhousing.



BOOM BAM

The Greatest Publication of All Time

Every once in a while, a publication emerges that changes the way we think. The New Statesman; Private Eye; Shoot! Magazine: these titles make us laugh, cry and ponder the mysteries of life with renewed vigour. Last Thursday, I happened upon the most recent addition to this list of genre-busting, mirth-making, world-altering magazines, and I feel it is only right to share it with you now.

The publication is called Maxx Paxx and the first thing you will notice when you read it, is that it's very difficult to tell what the point of it actually is. Just a quick glance through most news-stand titles lets you in on precisely who they are aimed at and exactly what their content will be: Heat is for gals who love to shop and gossip; Nuts is for lads who are worried they will die alone; and Grazia is for Orthodox Hassidic Jews. Simple. However, Maxx Paxx quite clearly has no interest at all in this sales-friendly media pigeon-holing and has decided to tuck any possible explanation for its existence under a thick stream of technicolour advertising and incoherent babble.


However, while the magazine may be without any kind of raison d'etre, it comes equipped with strong and controversial opinions. Let's take their review of recent blockbuster-satirising blockbuster, Epic Movie, as an example. Now, I haven't seen Epic Movie, but every write-up I've encountered has been thoroughly unfavourable: Empire calls it “a disaster of epic proportions”, Sight & Sound says, “Epic Movie lacks energy, continuity and wit, certainly, but also, crucially, affection and intelligence”, while Total Film simply pleads, “Please. Make it. Stop”.

Maxx Paxx claims, “You will be laughing your head off with this hillarious movie. It is a collection of comical re inactments of all latest films. From Charlie and the chocolate factory to Borat. You will be in stitches”.

Most people thought Epic Movie was rubbish. Most people spell 'hilarious' with one 'L'. Maxx Paxx is NOT most people.


The most fascinating, informative and downright entertaining section of Maxx Paxx, however, is a column that appears within the first 10 pages, called WHAT'S HOT with Chuckie (pictured above). Chuckie himself – a living, breathing answer to the age-old question, “what would happen if you stuck a Hitler moustache on an aquatic rodent and let them raid Kanye West's wardrobe?” - is a master of the kind of stream-of-conciousness prose made famous by authors such as William Faulkner. While most other writers are required to perform editions, cuts and even a basic spellcheck, Chuckie has no need for these superfluous niceties, and prefers instead to vomit his thoughts straight onto the page, untouched and unblemished.

Chuckie's predominant subject matter for this issue is the 'Non Smoking Ban'. We can only assume that Chuckie is actually referring to the 'Smoking Ban', as a 'Non Smoking Ban' would mean a ban on NOT SMOKING, and thus, legally, EVERYONE would have to smoke in public places from July 1st. Anyway, Chuckie is over the moon at the fact that Britain has gone smoke-free. It is, to quote the man himself, like “Christmas all over again!”. Why? Chuckie breaks it down simply:


"Intimacy – So you've linked up with a new girl/man, bring them back to the crib for wining and dining and they decide to have a 'smoke!'"

Leaving aside the question of why 'smoke!' is in quotation marks and is accompanied by an exclamation, let's deal with the first part of this sentence. 'So you've linked up with a new girl/man'. Now, you could read this in two ways:

1.Chuckie is trying to appeal to both male and female readers and therefore gives both sexes their viable options.
2.Chuckie regularly seduces transsexuals.

I don't know about you, but I am inclined to read it in the context of the second option, and I'm fairly confident that this is the way Chuckie intended it. Anyway, let's read on:

"They look to start kissing and their mouth smells like a mixture of arse and stuff! It's off putting and puts the non smoker in a mad situation."

Chuckie, if you're reading this, there's something you should know. If someone's mouth smells like 'arse and stuff', it probably isn't because they've just had a cigarette. If anything, they probably had the cigarette to try and disguise the fact that their mouth smells like an arse. Essentially, Chuckie is kissing a transsexual who regularly performs rim jobs. Of course it's a 'mad situation'. Chuckie has tasted bum. And he's furious. His point well made, he finishes in style:

"Hopefully the smoking ban will keep people more fresh and sexy. I hope I've played with your conscience."

I don't know why Maxx Paxx exists, I don't know who it is aimed at and I just googled it and all that came up was hardcore porn and batteries. Try it for yourself. However, if you ever see it about, make sure you pick it up. It makes for unbelievable reading. I truly, truly hope I've played with your conscience.

Thomas Trouble

Crunk Interview

Arguments. We've all had them. One minute you're the best of pals, the next, you're gently knocking your supposed mate about with a tyre iron. Luckily for hip hop artists, they can settle arguments a different way; musically. In this exclusive interview with rising Crunk star, Gillie Da Kid, Behind The Scenes gets to the bottom of 'beef'.

Check www.ruffhousing.podomatic.com to hear it.

Stop Your Business

we don't want a war. we only want a peace.

5 Songs I’d Rather Listen to then bother fixing my fucked up draft blog

Transforming procrastination into a situation similar to a career, I am now listing a series of songs I would rather waste my time with then do anything productive. I am not saying that listening to music is not productive. I am just saying that I am only doing it to prevent myself doing anything more constructive.

Devo – Uglatto (Hardcore Devo Vol. 1 74-77)

Probably because Devo mention Esperanto in it and that means it makes me happy.




James Brown – Think (Live at the Apollo 1962)

It reminds me of how good it feels to be a bad boy sometimes.



Wu-Tang Clan – Ice Cream (Live at XM Radio with El Michels Affair)

“gimme your number
Your sexy persuasive ta-ta's and thighs
Catch my eyes like highs, I want your bodily surprise
Double dime some time, Ice Cream you got me fallin out
like a cripple, I love you like I love my dick size
ooh baby I miss you, your sweet tender touches
take pulls off the dutches, orgasm in my mindstate
masterbate in your clutches, I want you for self
like wealth, so play me closely”




Brentford All Star – Greedy G (Soul Jazz Records Presents 100% Dynamite; Ska, Soul, Rocksteady & Funk in Jamaica)

There has never been a simpler tune that has given me more pleasure then this one.



The Fall – In My Area (Dragnet)

When ever I listen to this song it always reminds me how the public urinals down the road where turned into and Italian deli. So now where all the punks stuffed junk Pounces now sip big slick.

Coming Soon!

This is going to be like the worst conversation you never had.

Radio 4 Charles Bukowski Interview

Plath, Berryman, Larkin, Archer; all fabulous poets with intensely tumultuous minds. Poetry is boring and weird, but women and gays seem to like it. Ruffhousing presents from the Behind The Scenes archives, an exclusive from 1994. An interview with poet Charles Bukowski shortly before he passed away.

Check the Ruffhousing podcasts or player above to hear it innit.

Top 10 Sad Songs

If you watch television – or work in advertising – you will probably have the noticed the irritatingly chirpy brand of happy, kooky music that features on a great deal of current commercials. iPod adverts contain toe-shuffling, hat-fidgeting silhouettes gyrating wildly to the sort of empty, sunny, world funk that remains on rotation in Giraffe Restaurants, and T Mobile (or is it Orange?) present us with tousled-haired, ethnically diverse 'mates' falling out of each other's jacket sleeves over a song about 'snapping turtles' and 'psychedelic squid' that makes Phoebe Bouffet sound about as quirky as Dido.

Now, as an intensely bitter man, there are a lot of things that annoy me - Facebook, Fearne Cotton, people who use the phrase 'monged out' – but this constant tirade of happy music has struck a particularly sensitive chord with me, as I am a firm believer that, when it comes to music; the sadder, the better. So, with this in mind, Ruffhousing is proud to present, the top 10 sad/depressing songs!


1. Daniel Johnston – Tears Stupid Tears

Now, what list of sad songs would be complete without everyone's favourite weepy Beatles Fan, Danny J? Of all Johnston's sad songs – and there are many – this is, I think, the most poignant; pretty much every line is loaded with more poetic sorrow than the diary of your average fat female teen. Just a smattering of some of the best/saddest lyrics: “time is a matter of fact/and it's gone and it'll never come back/and mine is wasted all the time”; “I got lucky by coincidence”; “tie my brain into a knot/those tears, stupid tears bring me down”. Yes, this is the song to play to get any party (if by 'party' you mean 'mass suicide') started!

2. Cat Stevens – Trouble

You don't get more depressing than this. While Cat may have the Christian name of a domestic pet, he also has the troubled mind of a recently-bereaved schizophrenic Smiths-fan who's just rented 'Schindler's List'. Haunted vocals and fantastically sombre lyrics make up this forlorn ode to the 'trouble' that constantly dogs (semi-pun not intended) Stevens. Each line seems to be building towards a terrible end - from “I've seen your eyes/I can see death's disguise hanging on me” to “I'm beat and torn/shattered and tossed and worn/too shocking to see” - until, at the very end of the song, our battered protagonist claims, “I don't want no fight, and I haven't got a lot of time”. Elliot Smith also covered this, and he was hardly a barrel of laughs, was he?

3. Jonathan Richman – True Love Is Not Nice

Some of the best sad songs are the ones that come out of nowhere. When artists like Daniel Johnston or Elliot Smith come out with a tear-jerker or a wrist-slasher, it may be deeply upsetting, but it's also thoroughly expected. That's why number 3 on our list has such an impact, for Jonathan Richman is not the sort of singer that usually does 'sad'. A huge departure from his normal musings on creepy crawlies, flightless birds and supermarket yetis, 'True Love Is Not Nice' is the perfect Anti-Love Song; very quiet, very tired, and packed with lines like 'Pain, pain pain/ain't that just love's name' which seem designed to warn the listener not to risk the kind of hurt that Richman must have experienced.


4. Nico – These Days

Ah, good old Nico. They don't make them like this any more. Voice of a torture chamber, demeanour of a drunken Nazi; you just don't get that from Lily Allen or Joss Stone. Anyway, ironically enough, this song is taken from the happiest of all Nico's albums, 'Chelsea Girl', but while the peaceful twittering of the musical backing may suggest T Mobile advert material, the lyricism (courtesy of Jackson Browne) is far bleaker. This song is the story of wasted opportunities and bitter – yet accepted – regret; Nico sings, “these days I seem to think a lot/about the things that I forgot to do”. The lyrics capture the exact moment that she gives up on any chance of happiness, claiming “I stopped my dreaming” and “I had a lover/I don't think I risk another, these days”.

5. Bob Dylan – The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll

This song is a good one to have on this list as it proves that not all sad songs have to be self-indulgent. On '...Hattie Carroll', Dylan relates a story he read in the paper about a young, rich white man (William Zantzinger) who was “doomed and determined to destroy all the gentile” by murdering an old, poor black woman (Hattie Carroll) for “no reason”. The amount of detail we get on each character (and particularly the focus on Hattie Carroll and her young children) is inspired in creating such a real sense of how terrible this act was, and the final line of the chorus - “bury the rag deep in your face, for now is the time for your tears” - is more sad and powerful than Sylvia Plath in an armoured car.


6. Xzibit – Carry The Weight

Now, this is the only hip hop song on the list, and I know what you are thinking: “where the hell is that fish-obsessed crybaby, Ghostface?”. Well, to be honest, though Tony Starks loves a good weep, I don't think he can touch Mr X to the Z for sheer depression on this track. “I was at the funeral when it all began”, claims Xzibit within the first few lines of 'Carry The Weight', and it becomes immediately clear that this won't be one of his club tracks. He goes on to narrate what essentially reads like an NSPCC case study of a bad childhood – at age 13, X notices “me and my sister were getting treated like shit”, “physical contact was in the form of a slap” and that he would “forever be hit with anything in reach”. Not so lachrymose now, are you Ghostface? In fact, you probably don't know what 'lachrymose' means.

7. The Moldy Peaches – Nothing Came Out

I recently discovered that Carl Barat - of Dirty Pretty Things and formerly of The Libertines - likes The Moldy Peaches and this fact alone is reason enough to feel sad while listening to them. However, despite the fact it is made by a band championed by a cunt, 'Nothing Came Out' really is a great sad song in the most uncomplicated way. It has all the ingredients: lo-fi backing, a girl with a tearful voice and unrequited love as subject matter. The standard, the template, the stock sad song.


8. Mr Bungle – Pink Cigarette

This one, like Nico's 'These Days', has all the initial aural hallmarks of a happy song. The musical backing to the verse is all excited whispering and delicate pianos, but when the chorus comes in, the song takes a much darker turn, both lyrically and sonically. Mike Patton's voice takes the shape of a ghost impersonating Elvis Presley, as he relates a beautifully potent tale of love lost: “I found a pink cigarette/on your bed the day that you left/how could I forget that your lips were there/your kiss goes everywhere/touching everything, but me”. Similarly to Cat Stevens' 'Trouble', above, this song ends with a hint (albeit slightly less ambiguous than Stevens') at suicide, as Patton claims, “it's just one hour left until you'll find me dead”. Classic depressing stuff.


9. Skip James – Hard Luck Child

Well, clearly the blues had to be represented here (in fact, if you wanted to be anal about it, the whole list would be made up of blues songs) and Skip James' 'Hard Luck Child' narrowly beats Blind Lemon Jefferson's tale of losing his mother on 'Black Snake Moan' because, although Jefferson is motherless, sightless and named after a citrus fruit, he does not – as Skip does – have the “devil everywhere I go”. Not only does James have to deal with Satan himself popping up whenever he's at a bus stop, a church fete, or even on the loo, but he also manages to cram some unrequited love business (a textbook sad song inclusion) into this track, claiming, “she used to be my girl/look who got her now”.

10. Tom Waits – Trampled Rose

What better way to end this list than with a bit of Waits? His voice (which he obtained through 50 cigarettes a day and a pint of gravel before bed) may sound great over sloppy, broken jazz and sea-shanties, but it is on sad songs that it really achieves full potential. He sounds as if it is actually hurting him to sing this song, and the lines themselves are so brilliantly melancholic; Waits claims, “I know this rose/like I know my name/the one I gave my love/it was the same/now I find it in the street/a trampled rose”. Furthermore, his cracked wail after each chorus – like a drunken distress call – is the depressed cherry on top of this bleak, heart-broken cake.